WiseWomenUnite.com

Think we will need a bigger bowl of popcorn, perhaps some alcohol as well   

K My turn to brag , only 10 more days until oldest daughter and sil  flies into Stockholm . Then we are all off to Rome for a week. Will be great fun showing her Rome for the first time. Only thing that makes me nervous is their idea of hotels are alot different then the European idea so hope they like the hotel we picked.  They are use to big rooms etc and we just don't have those over here.  I did tell her that I made sure they have private bathroom and she was shocked that was not a given  lol. 

Congrats on your accomplishment, I am sure he loved the surprize.  It is nice to read positive stuff maybe we should have a bragging forum where we can all pat ourselves on our backs for things we do.   

Not sure about Easter but over here on your birthday it is customary to have seven different types of goodies, such as cakes, cookies etc.   The kicker is you have to make it yourself  like wassup with that lol. 
As far as the bunny cake, ice cream cake issue, not sure you could conclude that it was an intentional slight towards you. Alot of people don't really think of ice cream cake as cake persay so maybe she felt yours was the cake and hers was the ice cream which would offer an alternative or an addition to it.

As far as offering the bunny cake to take home, maybe she felt that kids would enjoy having the bunny cake to take home and perhaps didn't think of it until last minute. 

Laurie,   I laughed out loud when I read "Now the day she piped up and said oh if you aren't going to use that 42" flat screen we'll take it.. yes I was wrong for saying.. sorry you don't want our leftovers .. yes I was. "  I can actually hear one of my kids saying that lol.   As far as taking second hand stuff, I think the perception changes as we get older.  In my younger years, I can remember after dong my living room over, all I wanted was new, modern furniture to put in it. Push forward twenty years and I would not even look at it. Unless it dates back to at least early 19th century, I don't even want to know about it these days.
 
In a perfect world, I think the whole marriage with perfect honesty is a beautiful thought but quite frankly I don't think I know of one marriage that actually follows those lines.  There are always some things that either you are speaking to your girlfriend or relative about that perhaps you have not mentioned to your significant other . I am not speaking of major or life changing things but in any relationship there are just some things that either you forgot to mention to your s/o or chose to not speak about it. 
When it comes to my kids, I will listen to any vent or concern they have regardless of what they are  speaking of , and if there is a problem with whoever they are in a relationship with , I will advise them to discuss it with them as well.   I never am the one to bring a problem to them  about their  significant others, however so maybe thats the difference and I would not expect their significant others to bring me a problem about one of my own. 

Just to play devil's advocate though, don't you think it is somewhat normal for our adult kids to be able to bring up subjects pertaining to their spouses . I mean for years you have spoken to them about the people they date, their relationships etc if you have had a good communication base with them.  I don't think the trouble is in the listening end , I think the trouble starts when we try to intervene . Any of my kids can come to me with any problem, if only to sound off but rarely do I ever give advice on how to handle it or get in the middle of their problems. I also think it is unwritten law that dil's should tread cautiously in complaining about our sons or sil about our daughters, regardless what kind of relationship they have with their ils.  In some ways I think it breeds resentment and causes trouble.
Steps off soap box to avoid the tomatoes being thrown lol

Hi Swedes are extremely health conscious and there is very little additives in almost everything. Even their turkeys look like an underfed perdue oven roaster lol.  When we do Thanksgiving for more then two, we need to get at least 3-4 turkeys. I know its a good thing but there are days when I would kill for a Butterball .  Unfortunately they are just catching on to the whole gluten-free thing which makes it extremely hard for my hub to get much variety in that area.

Happy, I am in Sweden and organic is all they know  lol. 

Hi Happy
I also hope you don't leave the forum.  Like you if there was a category for the no contact, I would be sitting right next to you as I have had no contact with my son going on seven years as well.  Perhaps we can't get much advice on our own situations but I bet we can offer some relating to what led up to our positions.
So hang out in the  forum, I will share my popcorn with you lol.

KG, I think your present state of mind is extremely healthy and positive and believe me I know how long it takes to get to that frame of mind. Once we analyse the situation to death, make peace with ourselves on what we did wrong, and what we did right, and draw the boundaries of what we are willing to accept, I think there comes a calm peace with all this.
Is the relationship I have with my son the way I wish, of course not, did I make mistakes of course I did, but as an adult it is time he also acknowledges his responsibility in all this rather then blame it entirely on me.
You can't force a relationship even if you gave  birth to the person if they are against it so the way I see it you have two choices.  One you can live the rest of your days filled with the regrets, depressions etc or you can put them in that box as kg says and live your days celebrating your life and the good things in it.
I like KG choose the latter, and I think I will take that box and bury it in the  Colosseum , when we go in two weeks lol.The days of battles between my son is ancient history , might as well throw it the right spot 

Don't get mad, you can bet your butt that by the time that is said I am already prepared to be ticked off.  I do like the panties in a wad though that is pretty classic    Wonder how that would sound in Swedish lol

Two thoughts come to mind after reading,  there is a difference between gp's and caretakers, Yes caretakers get paid lol.,
its my way or no way  to this statement I would have to say, don't let the door hit you in the hinny       I agree that if mom's rules are related to medicines or statements that are totally understandable such as the glasses, jumping on bed, running in the road or anything else that will cause harm to child or mom, then those rules should be followed. If the rules are just a list of things that make no sense then it is best for mom to find a caretaker elsewhere.
I totally believe if gp is full time caretaker then mom's rule for time outs, naps etc should be followed as long as they are not over the top and we can all keep our sanity.

For whatever to be fully effective you have to draw it out muffin.,   WHAAAT EVVVER  lol

I totally agree muffin, I can't even imagine giving my mil rules when she use to watch my daughter. lol. I now watch my gs every day while my daughter goes to school and she has never said anything about rules.  She did once say you raised four kids , I have one so I think you know more than I do lol. 
To be honest I am looking forward to the day when he goes into daycare for a few days a week because this is hard work looking after a 18 month old. With all this child proofing my husband needs a manual to get to the knives and forks.  As far as the tv, we watch Mickey every morning from 6-7 am and I am thanking that rat with ears every morning while I drink my coffee lol.

Citygirl

I am so sorry that you are having to endure this type of pain in addition to your medical problems.  I think many of us bounce back and forth from the emotional state to the anger state and the simple frustration of not really knowing what we did so wrong to cause our children to feel the need to cut us out of their life. Like you I  also have 4, ages  39,36. 33, 26. In my case my son who is the oldest is the one that has decided he no longer wishes to have a relationship either with me or his three sisters. I have not heard from him in over seven years and have always dropped a card in the mail for holidays and birthdays, knowing full well I would never get a response.  This year I sent them and they were returned address unknown so I honestly have no idea where he is living at this point.   

Despite the hurt and complete frustration over the situation, I like you am extremely angry that he has chosen the path he has with his family. His sisters are angry as well and I have doubts that he will ever desire a relationship with any of us since he has not done so for such a long time.  More times then I care to remember, I have gone over the years prior to his estrangement and although we may of not agreed on some things, we never actually had any type  of major disagreement which would warrant this type of treatment. 

Being the oldest, he was definately spoiled and I do believe there is some merit to the discussions about the financial aspects of this,  As far as how do we get to this point, I think the major problem is that for whatever reason our children find communicating their feelings about problems difficult .  As their moms, we tend to hold them to the standard of accepting responsibility for their actions and no matter how old they are, they do not wish to consider they are partially responsible for any problems.  In any situation there are always two sides but I think with our kids they feel that their side is the only one that should matter. 

As Pen said, there is no debate that their lives are very full and stressful at times but like Pen, I also remember raising four kids, going to school , and working full time and yet still finding the time to maintain a relationship with both my parents and ils.  I have never made demands on my son concerning visiting me or even calling but I do find it hard to believe that a quick email stating " I am breathing", or a call on a holiday or birthday is something that takes so much of his precious time.

I think if my son lived only 40 minutes away, I would be definately paying him a visit because honestly as other posters have said, you might actually get an answer and if not would you be any worse off then you are now.?   I have often thought of doing that but with me living across the pond, it is a bit difficult to do. 

I think we all continue to pray that things will change but the reality is until they want it to, we really have little options. We concentrate on the blessings and take happiness where we can get it.