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Well it's that time of year again and I have NOT put up a Christmas tree again.  Someone is missing and GC are
not coming so I see no point.  It's hard to celebrate in this house.  We still have our son we love dearly and he
loves us and we are going there for Christmas Day to spend with him and his family.  New normal.  It's hard for him too.... to have no more sister around but that is how it is.  He won't contact her at all either. 

DD has been on FB ranting and raving still about how she has no family for Christmas but doesn't tell anyone she
is the one who hates us and can't stand to be around us.  Sometimes I look at her FB just to see how she is doing and I guess last time about a month ago, I accidentally hit the friend request button.  When she thought I was trying to be friends with her on fb she went balistic on there and outright spoke out to me there to stay away from her children and treat her daughter better who works for me in my company and then she called my employees scum.  She called her ex and his wife scum also for taking her son away and she said "you know it's not right"

I hate it that she airs all our business online and cannot stop her.  She's embarassing herself and humiliating me.
Can't stand it but this is what we have to live with for now and who knows how long.  Wish she would just stop
and leave us alone already.  How much do we have to tolerate from her?  It's been two years now.  We tried to get away from all the drama but there it is still. 
She got in touch with her dad's family and is going there for Christmas now and is so excited.  Good maybe she'll
be happy there and forget about us.  Not likely though. 

Still smoke free.  50 Days today.  I've never been able to do this before.  Amazing what you can do when you
concentrate on yourself and doing better for you.  No contact from DD at all seems to help a lot.  Since all
contact from her was just abuse lately anyway.

I am surviving and so are all of you.
Thanks all for helping me to heal.

(((Hugs)))

Just when I'm used to things and living a nice calm peaceful life........BAM....contact from DD by text only of course.  I
look at it and don't want to answer....but being a mother you say ok maybe it won't be so bad.  Boy was I wrong.
She wanted me to pay her new bill she's going to be getting since I caused it.  Her ex is making her pay child support since he will have permanent custody as soon as she signs the papers to let him which she will because she can't afford a
lawyer, she says, but is unable to get legal aid because she has too much in assets that is allowed.  So of course I said
NO.  Then you know how the conversation goes.  Time to bash mother since everything is her fault and she's a B----.
The final straw was when I brought up what I found out that she has stopped getting her son on Wednesdays and never took him for the whole week she was entitled to last month because she was fighting with the ex.  She says he's lying and he stopped her.  Well if that time is awarded to you, you take it, you make your own arrangements to pick him up even if you have to get a babysitter to do it, right.  Good old mom isn't there for her to call upon anymore so she just doesn't pick GS up then.  Always excuses and no responsibility.  Well she was mad as a hornet at me for accusing her of not caring about her son and she said I didn't care about her, that she called me such an awful name, I don't believe I can ever forgive her for.  All the other bad things she said I could probably forgive but this one just eats away my inner being, my core.  I mean it literally made me sick that someone , no matter how mad, could call their mother such a horrible thing.  It's truly disgusting and SO far past disrespectful, I can't even believe  she said it to me.

Well I told her I did care, I did love her, and I know I did the right thing for GS by her actions and I have reached by
limit with her. I told her  not to text me again that I was done with her.  As bad as that sounds, I felt there is nothing left of this relationship if she is so self absorbed, selfish, immature, nasty and unco-operative.  I can't help her if she
won't admit she has problems and addictions.  I might have not been the mother she wanted me to be and I may have signed a paper agreeing her son would be better off with his dad, but she had choices before that and could have stopped drinking.  She might have her son back by now.  But now it looks like that won't happen for a long time if ever.
I did the best I could,( I hope)..................but.she didn't.

The reason I'm writing is because I can't stop thinking about this obviously and I know I need to so I can move on.
It will take time again to recover.    Ahhhhhh this parent job is done but then it never is.  Drive you crazy this stuff.

On a good note......I've managed to keep my quit through this and now am at 23 smoke free days.  I will continue because I'm not going to let her ruin this for me that's for sure.

Thanks for listening all.

I think it's been long enough suffering and hoping for things to change.  I've made a change for ME

I'm on my 4th Day (Smoke free) and although it's hard to do, it's a piece of cake compared to what my
DD put us all through.  So there is better days ahead after all.

Horray ME  I'm doing this.

Well I Went to GD grad. Told her I was there and after it was over, I tried to find her but too many people, so I just got out of there.  Didn't really want to run into DD. 

GD texted me to come to her place but I was already half way home.  I live 20 miles away.  At home I saw pics on fb and commented on how beautiful and was surprised DD said sorry you missed GD.  I asked if she could send me this pic and she said she would.  So went very well I must say.  I got to see GD grad and no problems

Now back to the new normal.  Just wanted to let you now how it went.

No calls or texts for long time.  No Mothers Day. No Fathers Day. No birthdays. Now a text fm DD letting me know GD graduation is next week and when and where , if I wanted to go,  she said

Don't know what to think

Been estranged from DD for a year and a half now.  Since she lost her son in a custody case to the father who we supported. she says she will never forgive us and the times she has contacted us by text only. it has always turned out to be bashing on us.  Can;t believe how angry and mean a person she really is.
Her brother wants nothing to do with her and I am still trying to get on with my life with DH, son and his gf.

DD has brutally bashed our family on facebook this past year and a half for everyone to see and hear and now announces after 20 years of no contact from her bio father that she just had a lovely evening with him.

Well good for them.  Since he's the reason she is so screwed up by dropping out of her life. now he's just the greatest thing.  I know this has happened to some of you too and wonder how that went for you.  I know she is grasping for a family since she threw all of us away.... so bad old dad is it now.

Maybe he can get her to straighten up and stop drinking and being abusive.  I know we can't.

Tomorrow is my dd birthday and she still hates me and does not speak to me unless she wants something from me. Many birthdays, anniversaries and special occasions have gone by without a word from her.  Thing is I have never missed wishing her a happy b day ever but now am thinking what's the point.  These kind of days are her way of punishing us.  I'd like her to see how it feels to be disregarded and forgotten.  Is that mean of me and just being like her? 

Been finding it a little hard to keep it  together.   I think this tough
Love is harder on me than on dd.
Have not heard a thing from her. Of course i havent said a word
either.   Im aching to have everything back to normal but i know
that is never going to be. Too many bridges burned. My new normal
Is a life that does not have a dd in it. Its like i have to pretend now
That i never had her
I guess the phone call i got monday set me up for this
My gs has his own lawyer appointed to represent his best interests
And she wants  to come visit me and ask questions. I dont know what
I can say any more now. I feel like just not saying anything
And letting dd and her ex work this mess out.
My gs is the most important part and i want him safe and happy
I do know my dd loves him very much and would never hurt him and
She wants him back. Im afraid the choices she makes will never
Change and she will not take care of his needs. If i and my dh and
Her brother cant handle her. How can a 6 yr old
This is a very sad story. Dont know what to do

The drama just goes on and on.  My DD is crying to my sis now that she is loosing everything and has nothing to eat.  Yet the BF is still there.

My sis called me screaming at me what kind of mother are you, to do this to your own flesh and blood and let her starve.

Sis.. I said you dont know the whole story and have chosen sides when it's not your business.  I have done all I can and DD has kicked us all out of her life and she got what she wanted.  Still got BF but lost everything else.

I am so tired of this mess.  I try to stay away from it all and they want me to fix everything.  How am I suppose to do that.  DD has not changed a thing
about herself.  Still manipulating others.  I do feel bad for my DD of course, I am a mother but I am also not responsible for what has happened or how DS feels about me.  That is their choice.

I am done being their doormats

Was just talking with my sister and found out some things about my DD life.
As I haven't spoken to DD for about 6 weeks now my sister updated me whether I wanted to hear it or not.  DD was ordered to pay her ex $5,000 by the court
for her custody battle she lost.  On top of that DD just lost her job too not to mention her son 4 months ago.  She is in turmoil now and as a mother I feel horrible for her.  Do you think she will finally now realize she has
problems that are wrecking her life from her drinking and anger towards everyone?  See my sister doesn't get it.  She feels family should be there for one another no matter what the problem. I was there but DD won't admit there is a problem, so I can't help her.  What am I suppose to do?  I cut communication with DD for my own health and sanity but I am still getting guilt trips through the grapevine.  I,m so tired of this whole mess.  I just want DD to come say she is sorry for all the things she has spit at me and her family and all over the internet and ask for help.  Is that too much to ask for a little respect and kindness for everything we have done for her?
No she still blames us for the mess she is in. Does anyone have any ideas?

Just a refresher.  DD lost custody of her ds to her ex with our help of
siding with the ex due to DD drinking & anger & verbal abuse of her family (DH, myself and her brother)She was not taking care of our GS needs, so she
totally blames everyone else for everything she does.  She hurt me so badly the way she has spoken to me, her brother and her stepfather that she hates us all and wishes us bad things. 
Yet whenever something in her case is not going well for her, she textes me to complain that her ex is going after money from her.  She wants me to talk to him & so like a fool, I do.  I ask him to be fair since he makes a lot of money and she has very little and may loose everything she has now.  Bad enough she lost her son, now maybe everything else.  She is still my DD and don't want her to be financially ruined.  Now I even feel used by our ex SIL
during this case.  It's a brutal fight and I keep getting dragged in it by her.  Wish she would quit putting all this guilt on me that I did the wrong thing.
It's mind baffling to be pulled back and forth all the time.
Everytime I see DGS he's 6, he wants to come to my house.  Is he happy, poor
little confused guy?  These parents are something else fighting as they do.
Now it seems it is about money for the ex SIL a lot.  DD has a point there,
but she is not a great mother either.  I wish I could just take this little guy home with me and let both his parents live without him.  See how they like it.  Just when i start getting used to quiet and calm, I get all upset again.  I need to run away and I'm trying but it is always with me.
DD would never get her son back, not after all she has done and ex SIL does seem to provide a better life for GS.  I hate this whole thing and wish I never got involved now.  I know I did it to help my GS but it is too hard.

DD has lost custody temporary to ex SIL.  Still ongoing battle and dd still blames everyone else for her losing him especially us her parents.  I'm getting the brunt of all of it.  I have shut down communication with her now completely for my own sanity.  she emails me now, how temporary custody usually means permanent custody.  And says are you happy.  Of course I'm not happy this has happened and we had decided to write a letter for ex sil to get custody.  Why didn't she think of that when we told her over and over stop drinking and verbally abusing everyone.  The alcohol abuse and attitude had just escalated to the point were NO One in the family could deal or talk to her anymore.  Poor gs had to live in drama, verbal abuse, drunken episodes.
Doesn't he deserve a normal calm fun loving life free from abuse from bf who means more to dd than her own son.  Oh but now he is everything and she is the greatest mother and I am the worst.  Now her whole life was awful growing up and it's all her parents fault she is the way she is.  Well excuse me but just last year you said you had such a happy childhood and wanted your son to have that too. Make up your mind.  She can't cause it's all fogged with alcohol and dillusions.  I'm so hurt and mad at how truly cruel she has been towards us and her own brother she had loved so much is now hated too.
Our children do this stuff to themselves and then blame us cause it's easier than taking the responsiblity for their own actions.  Well I'm sorry you lost your son you should have thought of that before.  You would think this would make her wake up and do something about it but still won't give up drinking or give up the stupid bf who scares gs and says terrible things to him.  Instead of trying to change she has time to harrass me every chance she gets.
I guess I hit my limit because I'm not falling for the poor poor me attitude anymore.  Everytime I try to help I just get used and abused again.  At least gs will be ok where he is and I still have my ds who loves us and respects us and he hates what his sister has become.  It's a terrible rift in a family and unbearable to deal with but we will one day at a time. 
I know many more of you have worse problems than me and my heart goes out to all of you.  Hang in there, we will get by and conquer all one day.

My DD got served yesterday and I sure got texted what a bad mother I am and how bad her life was growing up and how it's all my fault her ex is trying to get sole custody.  Well all I can say is so what for me, I don't care about me.  I care that my GS has a happy secure loving home to grow up in without being sworn at all the time and told to get lost and come home from school to a totally smashed drunken mother.  She's gonna fight hard.  It's on now.  I'm not answering her anymore.  What's the use.  The name calling and abuse is out of control and she wonders why we are doing this.  She told me he is fine with her and I wouldn't know, cause I never seen him hardly all his life.  Ya right, "mom can you babysit this weekend"  Going to a wedding.  All weekend.
And now the lies start. Well go for it.  I know this is hard for her.  Looks bad and she will loose her support money.  But she did this all to herself.
Refusing to change anything and showing no respect or remorse for anything that she has done to so many people now, it's unbelievable.  This is just the start and I hope I live through it but better days ahead for GS I hope.  It's time to end the drama and turmoil for this precious little boy that we love so dearly.

Well have a new dilemma.  Don't know and can't decide what to do.  Our ex SIN is trying to get full custody of our GS and needs our help by us writing a letter for the lawyer to use.  My DH and I agree that our GS would be better taken care of with his father.  But out DD would never ever forgive us for doing that.  She is still not speaking to us or her brother because of her
abuse of drinking and defending her new BF over her brother.  This new BF if a real piece of work and I don't like him around my GS or DD. Bad influence.
My GS is only six and DD treats him so poorly.  She swears at him all the time,doesn't help him with school work, gets him to school late,  doesn't care at all about teachers, leaves him at daycare til the last minute, won't ever pick him up early even when she could. Has gotten so drunk while he's in school and had to pick him up later.  She calls the father at work 1000 miles away and says come get this retarded kid, he's driving me nuts.  She'd rather do for herself than her child.  She always comes first.  She loves to party.  She doesn't care whose toes she steps on.  My GS dad has already had him for almost a month and she never calls to have him come home for a visit.  She likes it better when her son is not home.  The dad does all kinds of things with him, swimming, trips, zoos etc.  He would like to put him in sports but knows his mother would not take him to events.  My GS father is married with 3 other children and my GS likes it there.  GS doesn't care to go home anymore.  So I know it would be best for our GS but still don't want to take our GS away from his mother although she would still have visitation rights and could still see him.  I think its the support money she would miss but who am I to say.  Maybe she would miss her son.  I don't know if I can do this.  She would blame me for the rest of her life. 

Well it was a very good day today.  I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not but I texted my ex SIL today because I knew he had my GS there with him.  I said I miss my GS, could you ask him to call me.  And then my GS called us.  It was so good to hear his little voice on the phone.  He sounded very happy and had lots to tell us about his games etc.  Made my day.  He will be with his dad another couple weeks yet and then he goes back to his mom, my DD.  I hope he doesn't tell her cause she will be real mad I went to her ex to talk to my GS.  But if that happens, oh well, gotta do what you gotta do sometimes.  Just cause she broke up the family, doesn't mean GS should suffer.  GS was excited when I told him he can call me anytime and come visit when he wants.  Hopefully he will. My ex SIL said he would let my
DH and myself see him anytime. 

HI

I have heard some upsetting stories about how my GS 6 yrs old has been living.  My DD seems
to be drinking a lot of the time and has gotten drunk during a weekday and was so lost when it came time to pick him up from school was going to walk there and get him cause she couldn't find
her car.  thank goodness for that.  My OGD called my son to help.  My GS father has noticed things too and wants me to help get his son for him.  He can't get full custody without some help.
I don't want to have to be the one to have her child taken from her but I am worried about my
GS a lot in a party house with drinking all the time.  The father says he is having trouble in school and is very unsettled when he picks him up for his visit.  I know she swears at the poor little guy and throws whatever food at him and will let him go anytime to anyone practically so she doesn't have to watch him and she can drink even more.  The guy she is living with now is a very heavy drinker too, so I'm worried what's going on over there since I have been not allowed accessibility anymore.  What do you think?

Hi
Been reading posts here for over a week and you truly are wise women on this site.
I find it very helpful to vent and see I am not alone with problems with an AD.  I was divorced from her father when she was 4 yrs old and remarried a wonderful man when she was 6.  He and I have raised her and given her all that we could afford for 37 yrs.  We also have a 31 yr old AS who loves us and treats us with respect and always has.  However my AD has always been a handful,would always do whatever she wanted and fought me all the way since highschool.  Her biological father dropped out of her life when she was 15 and she has had no contact from him at all.  She started drinking and partying and not coming home since highschool.  At 19 she got pregnant.  The thing is she has a lot of issues and is a very heavy drinker.  She has drank and partyed all her life and we have had her children for the weekends so many times I could never even count them.  I would take them because she would just leave them with anyone that would watch them so she could go out.  She swears at them and puts herself first always. She has had many failed relationships with men she had living with her and my GC.I think she has drank and drove with my youngest GC even when I told her not to do that. Anyway a month ago she got in a huge fight with her brother over the new BF.  The BF of only 3 mths was very
disrespectful to him and called him some not so nice names cause he was drunk.  My
AD defended and choose the new BF over her brother of 31 yrs and disowned her brother. I got
dragged in the middle of their fight and now she has completely disowned the whole family.  She
blames everyone else for her mistakes and  now has contacted her biological family to be in their family after no contact with them for 17 yrs.  I feel sick and abused and have lost my AD forever.  I have texted her that I still love her and always will but no reply back at all.  I am done taking her verbal abuse every time I don't agree with what she is doing.  God help me stop the tears.