WiseWomenUnite.com

Quote from: lancaster lady on October 21, 2011, 09:45:14 AM
You are right , I do feel insecure at times , and often question my own choices in life ,
whereas before I was a very positive person . Not always , but when I dwell on all that has gone on before.
As I am at a funny age , ( like forever ) my friends and family just put my odd behaviour down to that .
That's why my DD is always saying to me to stay the person I was and don't change , so even though I am
unaware of my own change in personality , I guess it must be happening .

This made me cry, LL.  I know I've changed; I often second guess myself, but I hate to hear you're doing likewise.  I'm with dd on this one -- I've always admired your spunk & tenacity.  Don't change for anybody.  One day, your little gd may be ecstatic to hear she got that from her gm!  : )

You're a hoot, Ruth!   What a party that would be!     Is west TX considered as part of the south?  Regardless, I'd still be southern as dm was from KY.  I loooove okra & collards, df dunked his corn bread in milk, & who doesn't like a country ham?!  We were visiting an a & u when he got arrested for making moonshine.  I love southern food, but I have to admit, I've never made turkuckin...   

I've got a suggestion for you, GAL.  It just came to me with all this talk about the south...why don't you surprise them by bringing a "turkuckin" for TG?  I bet they'd wrestle over who gets to roast the turkey next year! 

Quote from: Pooh on October 17, 2011, 05:54:02 AM
This isn't an immature man, this is a man with an addiction problem that doesn't think he has one. 

I think Pooh's got it right.  Granted, he's only 18, but he's got bigger issues that need to be dealt with.  Alanon, etc. have experience that many of us don't.  I hope they can guide you so that ds comes out on top.  You're a strong person, Elsie, & because you love ds, you'll muster the strength to do what's necessary.  You know him better than anyone; follow your instincts... 

I get what you're saying...  Having been away for a year prior, I can see where 3 months probably won't change much.  Raising dc isn't for the faint of heart~  I'm so sorry, Elsie. 

As evidenced here at WWU, every family has issues, Nana.  This only proves that yours is no exception.  I can understand dh wanting to intervene, but think it may be best left between you & dil.  I'm just sorry anyone is put in this position.  ((hugs))

I would like to think she's ashamed & embarrassed enough that nothing like that will happen again.  Approaching her in typical "Nana" style may bring the two of you even closer, Nana.  I wouldn't wait long though.  You don't want to leave an impression that she has control over you.  Having Nana as backup?  Wow, if only we could all be so lucky!  Love you, Nana

Does he have a job, Elsie?  Since you said you'd give him 3 months, how about renting a storage room for that amount of time?  That way he'll take you seriously & know he's got 3 months to get his act together.  He'll have access to his stuff, & just maybe in that span of time, he'll have an entirely different perspective.  And Elsie, it might even be long enough for his heart to grow fonder of Mom.  Take him out for a meal now & then, then you'll know he isn't going hungry.     They call it tough love for good reason...  ((hugs))

I think I've pared this down so it will be acceptable according to the forum rules.  If not, please edit...

Ruth, if you only knew...  I'm a work in progress, as well.  You're such a warm, compassionate WW, but you're too hard on yourself.  You wouldn't hold anyone to the standards you expect of yourself.   I'd like to share something with you that helped me.  Years ago, ods drove past a church & noticed the sign out front stating the topic for the upcoming week's sermon, "I know something God doesn't know."  She couldn't imagine what that could be, so she decided to attend.  To make a long story short, the sermon was about how, when having asked for forgiveness, we're not only forgiven; it's also forgotten, as though the slate is wiped clean.  That story was my awakening.   Don't you think it's time that you forgive yourself, Ruth?  Have you punished yourself enough?       

I believe that when dc are young, whatever they perceive as a 'slight' gets magnified & they have to lay blame somewhere.  I think that's why it's so tough for single dm's.   They have no backup.  Because I was chronically ill, dh worked as much overtime as possible.  In turn, I became the main disciplinarian, so that he could enjoy what time he had with dc.  Dh gave his best, but he didn't always support me when I needed it.  Dd learned to manipulate & before we saw what was coming, it was her way or the highway. 

Someone I admire dearly once said, "You had a very hard job description to fulfill.  It took a toll on you, and it took a long time to finish it.  It doesn't look so good right now, I know.  It looks like you didn't follow the instructions and some of the pieces are missing.  But the problem is that we're all just human beings trying to build other human beings, and it can be too hard, because sometimes you don't have the right tool for the job, sometimes you don't understand the instructions, sometimes the raw material just won't cooperate at all!   And it looks a mess, but step away from it, and like looking at a great oil painting, sometimes from a distance it looks much better."   

Little do you know how I lean on your words...  You are a true gift, dear Ruth~

Get well soon,
love you~

If you don't mind, I'd like to share something with you via PM, Ruth.  My e-mail address is in my profile...   

Elsie, your ds isn't cooked yet.  : )  He's immature & irresponsible - not unusual for an 18 year old.   He's fighting you because you're the path of least resistance.  He persuaded you to back down before & is hoping to do it again, by whatever means necessary.  It's a scary world out there!  He's familiar with you.  He knows where your buttons are.  He knows you love him & want the best for him.  But fighting you is so much easier than having to fend for himself.  As has been said before, it's not about you.  He wants his independence, but this isn't what he had in mind, Mom.  You warned him about what would happen, so now you have to see it through.  That's gonna be very tough, but I bet once he gets on his feet, he'll thank you.  Hang in there Elsie... 

I feel likewise, Chelmsford36...  I arrived Nov. 1, 2010, to a welcoming committee like no other.  I've been thinking a lot to back then as this 1 anniversary approaches.  What would we have done without you, Luise?!  I know; I'd still be stuck in the muck!    

Quote from: Ruth on October 13, 2011, 01:05:08 PM
I am now officially jumping up and down!  You should see my flying flesh!

Oh my!!!     

It's so nice to hear from you!  I hope you're feeling stronger with each passing day.  Val could never forget you; no more than you could him.  He just gets tired, with good reason at age 100.  I was amazed when you'd said he wasn't taking b/p meds, etc.  You Volta's are a tough duo!  : )  Take good care, Luise, & stay in touch.  Love you~

"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall." by Confucius

Every single one of us has fallen at some point & you've always been here to lift us up, Luise.  Please let us do that for you now...   We love & miss you dearly~