WiseWomenUnite.com

As most of you know I have reconnected with my OS and DIL just before my first grandson was born at the beginning of this year.  Things are going slow but in a positive direction and I do see GS every few weeks.  Now is the time for Thanksgiving and I found out through my YS that OS is having his first Thanksgiving at his home this year.  My YS has been invited and he informed me that he is going.  Of course I was upset he is my only family, except my BF.  My parents are deceased and I have no siblings.  My take is that he should have told his Brother that I will have dinner with Mom and I will come over for dessert and spend the rest of the evening with you.  OS and DIL have T-dinner between 4-5pm and I have mine between 2-3pm so he can spend some quality time with both of us.  YS doesn't agree with me but hasn't  made any definite arrangements yet.  I know by his actions that he will go to their home. BTW I should mention that all her family will be there of course.  Even if I was invited I don't really want to go...too much drama.  DIL's family are nice to your face and then talk about everyone behind their backs. Not my type of people! 

I'm I wrong for being upset?  I have now invited 2 of my single friends and it will be 4 of us, so I won't be alone but I really would like my YS to be withe me.  Selfish?  Let me know your thoughts!  Thanks!

I have not really given an update on my situation in a long time.  My OS got married on 12/18/10, I had no communication with him 5 months prior to the wedding hoping that after the wedding things would settle down.  Unfortunately, I was so wrong.  On 12/22/10 my OS and DIL came into my home unannounced (he has a key) and asked to speak with me.  I was hoping this was the olive branch and that we could start fresh.  Instead they asked to speak with me in private away from my boyfriend and my YS was at work.  They started telling me that during the wedding I did all these terrible things..which I won't get into because they were so ridiculous I was in shock when they were telling me.  The only thing I will say is that when I was allowed to speak I said to my OS "why is it you believe everything 'her" family and "Mother" say and you don't believe me".  He said "they have never lied to me yet".  When I heard those words I felt as if the knife that was in my heart twisted and all the blood in my body poured out.  I was devastated...I stood up and told them "I was done" and to get the "hell out of my house" .  I know this was probably not the right way to handle it but after 5 years of walking on eggshells, begging, pleading and apolgiziing for things I didn't know I did just to keep the peace I was DONE!  I had to protect myself and I shutdown for the first time in my life.  I have not seen or heard from him since that day including Mother's Day which dealt me another blow.  My YS does speak with my OS but he only says that "he is not giving in this time, she (I) is going to have to apologize".  The funny part is that when my YS says what for, my OS does not have an answer.    So after much thought and reading everyone's stories on this site, I thought I would try one last effort.  BTW, they are expecting my first grandson next year.   I am thinking of writing a brief one page letter stating that we need to put the past in the past and try to rebuild our relationship but we will have to not drudge up the past because it only causes pain and anger on both sides  Life is too short and I would like to be a part of their life but we all need to respect one another for who we are and move forward.  We are family and that I love him and my DIL and my door is always open when they would like to talk that I am here.

The undecided part is I am still very hurt and angry at his behavior and treatment of me, there is so much that I don't have the time or energy to write it all down.  I allowed way too much disrepect from him over the last 5 years, I keep making excuses because I had divorced his dad and felt guilty.  Which I realize I should not feel guilty since his father abused me and the boys verbally and physically, it took me awhile to leave but my OS was 12 and my YS 6 years old when I finaly kicked him out.  We had such a close family the 3 of us, that I never expected this and the feeling of hurt is almost more than I can bear at times.  I also know they will probably think I am only contacting them now because of the baby and to be honest it does play a part but not the main part.  I have days I want to write this letter and days I don't..I still feel at times I was wronged but I know from this site that I can't hold on to that because it only causes more pain.  So I need some help does this sound like a good idea or not?  I really feel lost and would appreciate your thoughts...thank you.