I have such ADMIRATION for you and what you have accomplished. You have successfully, singlehandedly, raised a child to be a caring successful man. Congratulations! Please take a few moments to bask in the sunshine.
I think you are doing everything right, right now too. I think those little notes to your son are perfect. Yesterday my DH was telling me the story of someone he just met, someone in his history club, a man whose 16-yr-old daughter won't listen to him and won't speak to him. I reminded DH what I did when that happened to me, when my 14-yr-old daughter refused to listen to me or talk to me. You know, I can't even remember what it was about! But I remember what I did. I wrote her a letter. It turned out to be quite a long letter, and I put it in her bed. I'm sure I told her how proud I was of her, what a good kid she was, what I felt in not being able to talk to her, etc. OK, I'm just blathering because actually I can't remember anything I said. I didn't expect an answer - just wanted her to know how I felt and I knew that I couldn't tell her in person because of the strained relationship we had. Well, she did answer that letter! And we went on to have many more letters back and forth. And the problem between us cleared up. Now it's 22 years later, we have a great relationship, and I wonder if she remembers what those letters were about? I'm sure she remembers there were letters. So you see I think those little notes you write to your son are exactly the ticket. Who knows, maybe someday he will send a note back to you! (Haha, maybe leave the note to him right on the notepad - so he has something to write on!)
I hope your new job is everything and even more than you expect and deserve. Take care of YOU! Because you are a star in my eyes!