March 28, 2024, 04:25:54 PM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - daniel

16
Last year I worked in the yard. Had decided I wasn't going to expect a thing. Then my phone woke me up early Sunday morning and I picked it up. It was them, wishing me a happy mother's day. Letting me know they would be spending the day with DILs family and that she had spent the whole day with them on Saturday also, while my son and GC stayed home. Didn't even think I might like a visit. SMH..my expectations again. Silly things. I know better.

This year...I won't be picking up the phone. They can leave a message and again...I have no expectations.

It still hurts.oh well, suck is life....I will work the yard again,or just sit out back and watch the mother duck and her 12 babies that decided to grace me with her nest in my yard.

These things make me smile and my heart Happy. Baby ducks .who can not love that?

Wishing you all an easy gentle day. Be nice to yourself. We deserve it.

Much love and hugs to you all on this mother's day
17
Thanks Bamboo, Positive validation helps.  My daughter has been calling a lot this month.. after many long conversations, (she lives states away), it feels like we are going to be ok. I could cry I'm so happy about this. We chatted again last night, I needed some room after our last talk to get my head and heart straight. I was angry my DD believed the DIL's lies..

Last night we chatted, I told her a few things that have popped into my head. You all know how our subconscious will ruminate on things and then something will pop into your head for no reason.

It was confirmed DD was trying to break us up. Looking back at the last few years and DD remembered some things DIL had said years ago.

So.. you lovely ladies were right on the money. Thank you SO SO MUCH!  I'm still picking myself up from the dark hole I fell into, but with the sun and spring, I'm hoping things will look better.

having my DD back in my life (even if just over the phone) is helping my heart and my sanity.

I am sad and confused and just plain sad this all happened. Like I said before, I do see good in my DIL...I will never trust her again, for sure, but I forgive. For myself.

Missing my son and GC's.. but hopefully time will bring him around more often. There is hope, but he is in the clenches with a controlling, jealous and manipulative wife. I worry for him. I know he goes through depression from time to time too and well, I lost a BIL to suicide and I worry for my son.

DD said DIL is still just as nasty towards him. She let a lot of things off her chest about the visit last december. It was a good thing I made her stay there after all. It took her a few months to come around, but she did. Yay.

She wants me to come out and sail with her. I think I could do this now and have a great time, like the old days with my DD.

Boy, I sure have missed that little stinker. ;)

I still come here often and read.. thank you to all who share and to all of you who are walking this path along side us.

I never thought this would happen to us. It really does set me back. I tried to be the person DIL wanted me to be, she was setting me up and I didn't know what to do!

I am strong and confident again and that's what brought my DD back to me. THANK YOU! 

I will not let anyone walk over me again. She might have the power over my seeing my GC's.. but she failed at splitting up my DD and I.  Thank goodness... and I have a feeling my son may follow soon enough. We shall see. In the meantime I am staying away from them.
18
Quote from: luise.volta on April 13, 2017, 02:31:50 PM
Remember...take what you want here and leave the rest. All any of us can do is share our experience and what we have learned. It may apply and it may not. More hugs.
[/quot

Thank you. This so the same advice I gave to the new widows. So much great info here. Thanks to all who contribute
19
I'm sorry, I didn't mean I was blaming my DD.. not at all. This is all on me, I understand this. I'm looking for support and tools, which I know are here. Sometimes, we take the written word a little too literally, I need to remember this and be more careful what I write.

See.. I would love for my relationship with my DD to go right back to being as good as I used to think it was.. (did that make sense)  I did, I really thought we were super close.

That's what is hard.

Back to loving detachment.. now, where's that link?  ;)
20
You are both right. Tools.. I need tools, I'll keep reading and get myself to a therapist if I can't find them. Thanks ladies.
21
Quote from: Marina on April 12, 2017, 04:30:29 PM
For myself, when I made the decision to totally disengage from DS/DIL, my nerves calmed down and I was able to gain a clearer perspective on the situation.  Instead of being all twisted up in trying to make the relationship work, I found peace in letting go.  With time, I have been able to move past the hurt and anger and put my focus on other aspects of my life.  I love the Spring; I'm glad to be alive!   

Thanks Marina. Our experience seems to be a lot alike. Thank you so much for reaching out.

My DAD called again last night. 3 times in a month. She is having boy problems again and needed mom to talk to. I'm sucked back in and I don't trust her. I know she loves me and I would love to go back to our previous closeness. I don't think  it will end well for me if I do.

This is so hard.
22
I don't see a modify button.. ?  Hmm.. must be looking in all the wrong places.
23
Right? Grateful for every crumb thrown my way...  SMH.. I'm sick of that.  Every time one of them calls or texts, I'm afraid to pick it up.   That and texting them, I love you texts... That needs to stop too, they know I love them.

Thanks for the wonderful advice ladies.. Always knew I had to do it, but it sure isn't easy. Hugs Luise.. maybe someday I can help someone else. I hope so.
24
Grab Bag / Re: Pooh, where are you?
April 12, 2017, 03:07:52 PM
Oh No.. this isn't good. Months? Check in, Pooh..

25
Well shucks...Tried to edit my typos...Can't do it. Hope you can figure it out. :)
26
Not sure I responded to each of you, but thank you all.

I know Tom Zuba,  thanks. He joined my support group on FB to sell more books.

I did the loving detachment when DD came for a short visit in December and then let my emotions get the best of me again

But I went right back to it again and disengaged. DD called a few weeks ago and apologized. She wants our relationship to go back to what it used to be. Not gonna happen but I didn't tell her that. She will figure it out when she tries to manipulate me again and I don't budge.

DIL is still nuts as all get out..Control freak to the enth degree.

DD did tell me that son wanted a divorce..Before she was pregnant with baby #2. I had no idea. With new baby he is trying  to make it work. I pray for him and the GCs.

He knows I love him and am here for him. Other than that I'm going no contact unless/until he contacts me. Same with DD.

It's hard but I must. You all are showing me the way and the light. Thank you. :)

No expectations...No disappointment.



27
Great thread. So helpful!

So many here are. So many of your stories reflect my own.

So thankful for every one of you for sharing and helping us newbies navigate this battle field

I have been disengaging and then back into it when they call or text.

I am so done with this. Thank you all again.
28
Grab Bag / Re: Resource for newly widowed
April 06, 2017, 09:49:51 AM
You are very welcome, Bamboo, I hope it helps your friend as much as it did me.

29
Grab Bag / Resource for newly widowed
April 05, 2017, 11:00:44 AM
Just wanted to share this site with anyone who needs something like this, or anyone who knows someone else who may benefit.

It helped me out when I finally found it, 7 months after the husband died... wasn't there when he died and hope those who need this will find it much sooner than I did.

At any rate, I made many friends through this site that I remain friends with to this day. Just as We need each other to help us navigate our AC, because others don't get it, the widowed need the same.

www.widowedvillage.org

www.soaringspiritsloss.org




30
Grab Bag / Re: Thank you!
April 04, 2017, 02:49:55 PM
A great big Thanks from me too.

I lost this site and couldn't find it again..until now!  Woohoo.

I've missed you, wise women. Thank you for being here. More wisdom is always searched for and I found it in you all. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!

Love and hugs coming your way.