I have heard stories about awful DILs here and other places. I read them and I think, "is this woman for real?" And when the stories come from the DIL, I'm thinking, "how in your right mind can you be boasting about this as if you aren't ridiculously insane?" So I've just been wondering lately (to myself of course, until now)- do you think these crazy, controlling, insecure DILs are the same ones who turn into awful MILs? Do you think it just carries down to the next person she can control- which ends up being the kids? Does anyone know anyone who has these controlling, manipulation problems who has problems with their mother in law and their daughter in law?
I just keep thinking about these titles we give ourselves. MIL, DIL, child, parent, etc. But what it really comes down to is the woman's character and behavior. I'd think that these same DILs who are just awful and tyrant like are the same ones who grow up and give their own DILs hell because they relive it when they become a MIL.
I don't know...I just felt like sharing. I wonder if there's any truth behind that.
Excellent thought to share Overwhelmed....It is true...what happens to those awful dils once they become mil's. We will have to see the "finished product" . If dil really thought that mils should keep their place out of their children's lives, will they respect it when they become mils and feel it is fine? Or will they forget all they were and done and want a priviledge treatment from dil? Have some one seen the "finished product" ?
Probably we havent seen the outcome because all this is happening with these new young dils? Lets wait and see. I hope I will still be alive to see what these dils think twenty years from now.
Love
P.S, I am only referring to the awful dils....cannot mention the awful mils....because their is no future to see lol.
OW, I think you have a good point and you are probably right.
My MIL doesn't treat me "special." She treats me like she treats everyone else in her life. For every example of something I would consider "done to me," I can probably think of two more examples where she has "done them" to someone else, that was not me.
Conversely, given all my pitfalls...I really don't treat her differently than I would another person...so my guess is that the DIL I am today is the MIL I will be later.
I can't go there to "Those Controlling Daughter in Laws"...becoming "Those Dreaded Mother in Laws." Generalizing is not where understanding and healing take place, IMHO. Each person who is making herself and others unhappy is a person and no two are alike. Sending love..
ADIL and Laurie got me thinking the other day, shoot can't remember the thread right now. But they were both describing their pov's on a similar matter.
It came across to me that the heart of the matter is rejection. No matter which title you've got in the scenario. We are all dealing with a type of rejection and that's probably one of the most painful issues human beings face.
Quote from: luise.volta on April 27, 2011, 03:16:44 PM
I can't go there to "Those Controlling Daughter in Laws"...becoming "Those Dreaded Mother in Laws." Generalizing is not where understanding and healing take place, IMHO. Each person who is making herself and others unhappy is a person and no two are alike. Sending love..
Lusie I don't think she was grouping and generalizing, but asking.. can this be a learned behavior that is carried on through the different titles in life. I can only speak about my own family with any certainty, now as a child I developed a personality that said 'don't jack with'.. I was a loving and good dil.. but then again they didn't jack with me.. my kids tried, and well that backfired and they learned that we all had a wonderful carefree life as long as.. they don't.. you know.. and I can pretty much say that it's followed me into my mil'ness or is that milhood ..
My dil was probably close to being the perfect child.. I'm serious this girl from family stories never uttered a bad word, picked up her toys, etc.. her parents put her on a pedestal because well I'd probably do the same if I had a kid that good :) But, she's carried that pedestal with her into her next relationship what was an honor turned into a bad learned behavior.. in both our cases.
So I would think that it might be a worthwhile observation about how dil's present themselves now could indeed be how they present themselves as mil's
That may sometimes be true. I just cringe at the grouping. We are speaking of individulas. Senidng love...
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on April 27, 2011, 02:38:37 PM
I have heard stories about awful DILs here and other places. I read them and I think, "is this woman for real?" And when the stories come from the DIL, I'm thinking, "how in your right mind can you be boasting about this as if you aren't ridiculously insane?" So I've just been wondering lately (to myself of course, until now)- do you think these crazy, controlling, insecure DILs are the same ones who turn into awful MILs? Do you think it just carries down to the next person she can control- which ends up being the kids? Does anyone know anyone who has these controlling, manipulation problems who has problems with their mother in law and their daughter in law?
I just keep thinking about these titles we give ourselves. MIL, DIL, child, parent, etc. But what it really comes down to is the woman's character and behavior. I'd think that these same DILs who are just awful and tyrant like are the same ones who grow up and give their own DILs hell because they relive it when they become a MIL.
I don't know...I just felt like sharing. I wonder if there's any truth behind that.
Pretty sure your thinking of me as you say think this LOL. But you have to think about why are they like that? What brought them to that point. I don't know about all you ladies but when I thought about getting married the last thing I thought about was not getting along with ILs. But sometimes you fall for a guy and you mesh well with him but not his family. Does it make you aweful because you stand up to them and don't agree? I don't think so. I know for a fact the way my ILs (FIL, BIL, GMIL ect) treated me,I would never treat DD's FDH like that. I cant say and any other child I have because well one is enough for DH and I. I think on here you only get parts of the story and before you call them "aweful" maybe you should actually be in there shoes.
SassyDI,
I don't think OW was implying anything about you...you weren't who I thought of when I read her paragraph. I was who I thought of. I imagine some of the MILs also thought of themselves initially. It is just a question that requires self-reflection and an application to your own situation to see if it was a fit. You look at how you act in certain situations with people; then you look at how other people act in certain situations with people.
I think her point wasn't so much about awful MIL/DILs, as it was about people that, at times, can be awful, regardless of their title.
Right Holly....It could have also been an awful mil.....it is an action that determines the awful not the title. In my family we joke of about it.....when we say....awful mil, we than add....sorry for the second word lol. Sometimes we feel posters are refering to us....and they dont even remember us lol. If the suit fits....we put it on immediately.
Love
I look at this differently. I firmly believe that you learn how to treat people and how to behave properly, not as an adult, but as a child. Crazy MILs are taught to be manipulative, controlling and intrusive by their own mothers and fathers, not by their in laws and the same is true for crazy DILS.
Foofoo...you're probably 100% right, it's just hard remembering that when we meet someone for the first time. My MIL was in her 50s before I met her. I don't have a clue as to why she does what she does. Conversely, I was in my 20s when she met me. Younger, yes, but enough time had gone by that I am fairly set in my ways, even if they aren't concrete.
I don't think OW meant that ILs were teaching others to be controlling and manipulative, it was morej just encountering people who were that way.
I personally feel if we all lived by that old rule , "Treat others as you would like to be treated" both sides would be alot happier. :)
Quote from: Sheen on April 27, 2011, 09:03:41 PM
I personally feel if we all lived by that old rule , "Treat others as you would like to be treated" both sides would be alot happier. :)
Isn't that the truth Sheen.. now want to pass those Thin Mints you're hoarding
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on April 27, 2011, 02:38:37 PM
....But what it really comes down to is the woman's character and behavior. ....
I agree! I think a person's character (or personality/neediness) has more to do with it than their title. Unless one's selfish and manipulative behavior becomes unproductive they will likely carry it on into other phases of their life. But those who experience a wake-up call might change when they become MILs. I have no way of knowing how my grandma was as a DIL since her ILs were not around by the time she got married. She was a smothering mom and a mean MIL. However the other residents at her retirement complex loved her! Go figure.
Did someone say Thin Mints? Why do I get fat when I eat thin mints?
Hides mints behind back Mints what mints Can I interest you in a Swedish meatball maybe lol
There is a store here called Ikea...it's all Swedish stuff including meatballs :) For some reason Sheen the meatball as just a little lacking in the sweet department
Ikea, me as a non swede loves it, my swedish other half hates it. As far as the meatballs go, I never touch them. I think I cooked them maybe the first month I lived here, one happen to drop on floor when I was putting them in a bowl and the darn thing bounced. That was the end of my meatball days, I refuse to eat food that bounces like one of those old time super balls lol
Hopefully the DIL that get a rough ride will.become the MIL they wished they had ! It will teach.them what NOT to do when they become a MIL . .... .... My MIL made.no effort to get to know me .Not once did my kids receive a birthday card ,gift or acknowledgment whatsoever ! Why ? I have no idea ! No rows ,disagreements nothing to make her this way ...I hopefully have become the MIL she was not ..... :)
Good point Lancaster Lady...
This brings some memories. My mom was the sweetest lady and mon you could hope for. But...at first hour in the morning she was in such a bad mood...yelling at us to hurry and get ready for school...she was so disgusting to my ears..... when we came back from school...she was a completely different person...all loving. I promised myself that when I had children I would not repeat the same pattern. Well I have news for you, I was just like my mom during the morning. I did changed it...because my hubby ask me as a favor. (lol) .to not speak to him or the children when they woke up....that he would see that they were ready for school without freaking them. I was so embarrased. I was up but could not speak to any one in the family until they came back from school. This took place for about a year and than I was permitted to speak to them softly or to shut my mouth lol.
So much as I hated it, I had become just like my mom.
I now relate all this to the fact that I am a night person...not a day person...mornings are hard on me lol.
Love
It is definitely a result of narcissitic personality disorder. My MIL has it (evil). Her daughter, my SIL has it (evil). My DB's wife has it (evil, but sweet to your face). And my mom's bf's daughter (14) has it (evil!).... So I definitely don't think it has anything to do with a title.
ADil,
If all of those people have it...is it contagious?
Why is it when I think of a thin mint I get fat
I think difficult personalities are difficult no matter who they are in relation to someone else. It's just easier to me when a difficult person isn't someone I have to interact with so much or that I can get away from. Like at work, it's easy to walk away from someone.
It was a whole 'nother ball game learning how to deal with it in family.
I also think that there may just be growing pains and a new marriage may make a DIL or MIL appear a little crazy -- when really, they are both trying to navigate rocky waters. It's almost like they need a year off after marriage lol
I hope it isn't! lol
A year off after marraige sounds fabulous!
I made a vow to myself when my children when they were little that I would like/respect their choice of spouses, etc. I had a great example in my mother as she treated inlaws/outlaws with total respect - even if she did not agree with a lot of stuff that went on.
One example of thinking of others before I act, is this is my DD's first year to be celebrating mother's day. We are not going to be here to celebrate it with her. I called her husband yesterday to see what he was planning on doing - he did not know yet, so I told him if he was not planning on sending her flowers, then we would do that. I honestly think he was surprised that I would check with him. I even asked his advice on a florist where they lived. So, hopefully, I scored a few brownie points. I do not want him to think I am competing with him, as that is the furtherest thing from my mind.
Some people are just plain mean and live to make life miserable for everyone around them, some people just pick on whoever is the most vulnerable. I do have a mean streak and cannot for the life of me, just be mean for no reason whatsoever.
LOL, Sassy I was not speaking about you at all. In fact, I wasn't speaking about anyone who has commented on this board for awhile. I was referring more to the stories I hear about DILs from the MILs on here. Then I read something yesterday on another site that really just blew my mind. I don't think anyone on here is awful! I love you all. :)
ADIL, how do you know so much about all these people's psychiatric history? Seems like something they would want to keep private....
Oh, I've diagnosed them. They all have too many of the classic "symptoms."
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on April 28, 2011, 07:00:13 AM
Oh, I've diagnosed them. They all have too many of the classic "symptoms."
Funny Adil
Quote from: lancaster lady on April 28, 2011, 12:38:21 AM
Hopefully the DIL that get a rough ride will.become the MIL they wished they had ! It will teach.them what NOT to do when they become a MIL . .... .... My MIL made.no effort to get to know me .Not once did my kids receive a birthday card ,gift or acknowledgment whatsoever ! Why ? I have no idea ! No rows ,disagreements nothing to make her this way ...I hopefully have become the MIL she was not ..... :)
In my case I would agree that because of the way my MIL treated me I certainly will not follow in her footsteps.
She was a sergeant major in WW11 and sergeant majored everyone around her.
She was waited on hand and foot by a full time maid,char and gardener then added me to her servants as if I could not think for myself.
It was never please or thank you.I wasn't brought up like that.
My mother taught me manners and independance and my MIL thought everyone was subject to her approval.
i.e. One day we popped in there after work and as we sat down she said "You can go and make the tea"
I told her I was tired and had worked all day and she could make it herself. This was after submitting to her every wim and fancy for too long.
Then ofcourse I was the awful DIL.
If my son and DIL visit I shall make the tea.I would never make demands like that either.
She was a rude,ill-mannered woman with culture that existed only in her mind
I think fear and insecurity have a lot to do with it.
I'd love a cup of tea! (Who remembers that thread from a few months ago?)
Catchingup, every story you tell about this woman paints a vivid picture of an unhappy woman who made others miserable. Aren't you glad you aren't her? I'm sorry you had to deal with her, but at least you saw how not to be. Can't wait for your screen play or novel starring the sargeant major. Who would play her?
I think it's a lot easier to see 'how not to be' when you are watching from the outside.. but if you are of a certain makeup that presents itself all through your childhood and into your dil-hood, then I think chances are you'll take it on into mil-hood
Quote from: Pen on April 28, 2011, 04:50:16 PM
I'd love a cup of tea! (Who remembers that thread from a few months ago?)
Catchingup, every story you tell about this woman paints a vivid picture of an unhappy woman who made others miserable. Aren't you glad you aren't her? I'm sorry you had to deal with her, but at least you saw how not to be. Can't wait for your screen play or novel starring the sargeant major. Who would play her?
I am too busy "Catching up" to make a movie about her"
;D ;D ;D ;D
I am with Louise here in that it is really hard to generalize about this sort of stuff. Even so, I am going to do it :o
I think Trying said it best. For many MILs and DILs, it is about insecurity. With a DIL, she is not sure of her place in a new family, and for the MIL, she doesn't quiet know how to transition from being THE WOMAN in her DS's life to just being the M and MIL. It is a hard transition for all involved even if you are prepared for it. When your child gets a spouse, the boundaries naturally change, and it is difficult to navigate that.
Beyond that, crazy is as crazy does. Women with poor coping strategies aren't all of a sudden going to develop good ones when she becomes a DIL or MIL and if she is diagnosable, she isn't going to become a paragon of mental health as her DS's marriage ceremony is occurring. If a woman isn't a good M, or if a woman is jealous of her children's relationships with other people, that isn't going to all of a sudden disappear. Or if a woman is a helicopter parent, she isn't going to find it easy to hand over all that control to a DIL or to keep her mouth shut when the grandkids come along.
So if a woman is truly a horrible DIL, chances are she won't be a model MIL.
Well said Justus...we are what we are regardless of title (dil/mil)
Thanks for sharing
Love
Generalizing/Philosophizing: What makes me feel really sad is when a wonderful DIL gets a nasty MIL...or visa versa. Really sad. When two nasties are paired off...I often think the deserve each other but the extended family pays the price...in spades.
How true, there is a ripple effect that touches all family members. But it's probably a pretty dysfunctional family anyway if both the DIL & the MIL are nasties...a man would have had to choose a wife just like his nasty mom, which brings up a whole other issue...
Justus, I agree that for many DILs/MILs insecurity is a problem. I'm glad you said "many" & not "all" since some situations don't fit that model. My DIL wasn't interested in joining our family, therefore she wasn't insecure about her place in it. She may have been annoyed by DS's close relationship w/us, however. I didn't feel at all insecure until I was treated poorly by DIL and her FOO.
This is an interesting discussion. Reading through past threads I get the impression that many women DIL and MIL alike say that they've never been in a situation such as the one facing them as soon as they have to adopt this role.
I certainly never saw myself as a MIL. I wanted to be a friend to the wife of my son. I respect her - still do - and have said that many times.
Result of this is that I must have given the wrong message right from the start. I thought I could just 'swan' in, be myself and carry on as usual. I never really reflected on the background of my DIL and how different our views on certain things were until I was living closer. I came accross so may things that I found irritable but did the 'invisible tape' thing for a while.
Our backgrounds are so different that now is has come to a near breakdown in communication and much pain throughout the family has ensued. I'm being perceived as being unreliable, a character trait I can't associate with.
I thought it would be enough to respect other people's point of view and celebrate difference. However, just like dancing the tango, it takes two to make it work.
I've never been a DIL as my lovely MIL died soon after we got married. So if I'm an awful MIL it's not because I had practice beforehand.
Force of circumstance has made me a very inadequate MIL which is one of the worst things that has happened to me in my entire life. I know I will snap out of it but it will take time.
Everyone's expectations of how we should be never seem to work out . That's I suppose as we are all individual separate people living different lives .....from my point of view its very hard from being your DS nearest and dearest to being second or third in the queue . Once you can adjust to your position ,then comes the relationship with.the first in the queue . Of course there will be confrontations ,hard not to .....in order to have any kind of working relationship ,respect on both sides for our own positions is paramount .....I am lucky enough not without a few.battle scars to have achieved this point . I don't know what the secret is but we bared our inners to each other , and came out smiling the other side .....my GD was one of the reasons I did this.......I don't think of this as swallowing my pride but as a solution to a.huge problem that was taking over my life .
Good for you, LL! Sending love...
Interesting thread and I had to think about it. You guys know I had a horrible MIL the first time, and she was like that to everyone. Her Mother was the same way and wanted control of her. I had to think about it, but she was actually a very good DIL. She was always nice and considerate to her MIL (as far as I know). I remember her doing all kinds of nice things for her. So she was a bad MIL but a great DIL. Her MIL skills did mirror those of her Mother though.
Yes, this is an interesting thread, I agree with some of the things Justus says:
"beyond that, crazy is as crazy does. Women with poor coping strategies aren't all of a sudden going to develop good ones when she becomes a DIL or MIL and if she is diagnosable, she isn't going to become a paragon of mental health as her DS's marriage ceremony is occurring. If a woman isn't a good M, or if a woman is jealous of her children's relationships with other people, that isn't going to all of a sudden disappear. Or if a woman is a helicopter parent, she isn't going to find it easy to hand over all that control to a DIL or to keep her mouth shut when the grandkids come along. "
But, if threatened with a cut off, a MIL who tends toward hovering/overstepping may tone it down to avoid the loss of DS/GC.
On the other hand, an over-the-top, controlling DIL might not have a lot of reasons to change unless her DH speaks up.
...and further, he chose a controlling mate for some reason(s), consciouses or unconscious. We have to remember that loving/controlling mothers create safety and security for little guys. Some get stuck there and try to replicate it in marriage. Others didn't have that and search for it without knowing why. It's a sticky-wicket.
I buy and sell collectors items. I mostly buy privately and on a number of occassions when meeting people in their homes especially in the area where my MIL lived and they find out my surname the question is always the same and asked in the same tone.
Are you related to?.....Yes she is my MIL
Next question: How did you get on with her? I have never heard a positive remark about her--never.Sad isn't it? ::)
Ever time I heard this it made me feel a lot better about myself. It made me realize I wasn't the problem except to her.
Right on, Catchingup. It's nice to find out we're not alone in our assessments of difficult people. When my SM had some business dealings with one of my dear friends she caused a lot of pain & frustration. My friend called and asked, "Is SM like this all the time? How do you cope?" I must admit I was kind of glad she'd shown her true colors to someone besides me!
It's like that yes moment we were talking about a while ago. When someone else validates for you, that it's not just you lol. I personally like the counselor intervention approach myself, nothing better when a counselor labels something dysfunctional. Now I've just got to learn how to wipe the smug smirk off my face when it happens lol.
***I'm only partially serious here***
Talk about generalazations. The same holds true for awful Mil's as well. You shouldnt lump all Dil's in the same group.
Sniff sniff...is that a troll I smell??
Quote from: overwhelmed123 on May 03, 2011, 12:11:18 PM
Sniff sniff...is that a troll I smell??
Ahh.... Ahhh..... Ahhhh........ Ahhh-Choooooooo!!!!!!!!! Well, I'm allergic to trolls sooooo, maybe lol
Quote from: Unknown on May 03, 2011, 12:10:25 PM
Talk about generalazations. The same holds true for awful Mil's as well. You shouldnt lump all Dil's in the same group.
Unknown this thread is about both DIL and MIL and reading between the lines I guess you have an awful MIL.
Here is where you talk and seek advise from somw wise women who have had the same experiance.
No one could have had a worse MIL than I had.
Want to know how to handle her ask here ::) ;)
Logic says through the course of life, you'd be a DIL before you'd be a MIL, so I was following a lifespan. If you go back and re-read, you will notice my point was that they are probably just difficult people going from a difficult DIL to a difficult MIL- whatever stage of life they are in. If you are going to get use out of this site, you'll probably want to let go of your "title" and not jump to defense. So you know, I am a DIL. Woosah!
Oh Really Anonymous. I didnt know you could walk on water? If you cant then you are not qualified to judge me. All I did was state my opinion. I didnt attack no one. Yet im the one being attacked.
Ps arent you the one to call the kettle black.Dont throw stones unless your innocent yourself. which you arent.
Being that this is like your 5th post and 1st day here and you're already here trying to stir up trouble....I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this place probably isn't for you. What is your goal here?
Quote from: Unknown on May 03, 2011, 12:34:49 PM
Oh Really Anonymous. I didnt know you could walk on water? If you cant then you are not qualified to judge me. All I did was state my opinion. I didnt attack no one. Yet im the one being attacked.
Ps arent you the one to call the kettle black.Dont throw stones unless your innocent yourself. which you arent.
What did I do to you that got your panties all in a bunch.
Thanks for your advice overwhelmed but I think I will stick around. Im not here to start trouble at all. I just gave my opinion and since you dont agree with it . You and Anonymous decided to attack me.so I was just defending myself thats why so many posts.
No one was attacking you...however, I'm not sure you'll be staying for long...think that will be up to Holly. You've already been asked by the forum moderator not to post anymore yet until speaking with her.
At any rate, ADIL, if we stop biting she'll probably stop fishing.
Quote from: Unknown on May 03, 2011, 12:41:14 PM
Thanks for your advice overwhelmed but I think I will stick around. Im not here to start trouble at all. I just gave my opinion and since you dont agree with it . You and Anonymous decided to attack me.so I was just defending myself thats why so many posts.
Hi Unknown,
I am the moderator for this particular board. I take generalizations very seriously and there were none that I was aware of on this board. If you have a problem with a post, you can report it to me with the "Report to Moderator" button and I will review your issue.
If you haven't already, please read our Forum Agreement under the "Open Me First" section. I do welcome your input, as does everyone else here...and please realize that people will say things that you might not be comfortable with some of the time; that doens't mean it is a generalization. Some of us herre have issues with a DIL in our life, while others have an issue with a MIL in our life...it boils down to people, and I think that's what we were all talking about.
If you are going to stick around, I urge you to open your mind and your heart and read posts carefully and realize everyone that is here has been hurt in some way. Then, decide if this is a place you want to stay or not.
If you care to talk about any problem you are having, without passing judgment on the rest of us, I assure you, the ladies here are good at listening and offering support. We do very well talking about issues; we don't do so well when things are made personal, which is what your first post to this thread is.
Thanks Holly. I just felt attacked by those 2 posters because I didnt agree with them.
Honestly Holly im not here to start trouble. I just dont want to feel attacked because I dont happen to agree with a poster. Thats all I ask. All I said was there is bad mils as well as bad dils.
FYI, I removed your post. We don't tolerate personal attacks on this board.
Holly, thanks to you and Pam for the work you are doing here. :D
Welcome to WWU, Unknown...
I'm neither a dil or mil...I'm a dm who's had some issues with a dd. We happen to think highly of the dil's here, and value their advice, including several who've helped me personally. We help each other through the rough patches. Is there anything we can do for you?
Rose
Quote from: tryingmybest on May 03, 2011, 01:24:14 PM
Holly, thanks to you and Pam for the work you are doing here. :D
I thank you too, Pam & Holly... All the moderators are doing a great job!
Unknown :
You will have guessed by now we are very protective of our members , why not tell us a bit about yourself before you
dismiss us all .I am a MIL by the way , and I think quite a nice one .... :)
Quote from: lancaster lady on May 03, 2011, 01:38:39 PM
I am a MIL by the way , and I think quite a nice one .... :)
She's a nice one! She is on a lot of "Adopt-a-MIL" waiting lists. ;D
AWWWW.....shucks ...!! :-[
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on May 03, 2011, 01:41:03 PM
Quote from: lancaster lady on May 03, 2011, 01:38:39 PM
I am a MIL by the way , and I think quite a nice one .... :)
She's a nice one! She is on a lot of "Adopt-a-MIL" waiting lists. ;D
Count me out. I am not looking for a DIL I am too busy "Catchingup"
Hello,Im new here just joined today. I hope I dont get jumped on for my opinion but I have to disagree with you. I dont think all dil's are bad. Maybe im wrong correct me I am ,it just seems like your implying all dils are bad.
Hey Kara, welcome. Which poster are you talking to?
Pretty sure she's talking to me, but I don't think she fully grasped my post. Kara, I am a DIL. I would like for you to go back and reread the entirety of my post, and give it some thought before jumping to a conclusion.
Quite a coincidence that we keep getting new people coming in here jumping to the defense of DILs when there really isn't anyone coming down on them. Especially not a DIL herself. Can I ask where you heard about us, Kara?
Thanks Pam. The orginal poster.
Hi Kara,
I don't think any one was implying all DILs were bad. We try very hard not to do that here. The original poster, herself, is in fact a DIL and I think we've all agreed (MILs and DILs alike), that we are dealing with difficult people, and that has very little to do with the title one has in the family.
We do welcome a different point of view, so you're welcome to explain your opinion further.
Kara, the original poster is only talking about some DIL's. I think everyone on this board will agree with you that not all DIL's are bad. We like to talk stuff out here.
I also think before you come to the defense of a title, it would be helpful for you to read some of the women's stories here. It really helps to know the full extent of the situation before giving advice or making a rash assumption.
What brought you here, Kara? What can we help you with?
Hi Kara ....
this forum has both DIL and MIL , and we are here trying to make our lives more harmonious .Trying to iron out
all the Inlaw problems , yup sometimes miracles do happen ..... :)