WiseWomenUnite.com

General Category => Grab Bag => Topic started by: luise.volta on April 13, 2011, 07:17:01 PM

Title: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 13, 2011, 07:17:01 PM
Conflict on WWU   

I have had a rash of Personal Messages from upset members. Please know that if you want to leave WWU, you don't need to delete your membership through me. The way to end your association on WWU is to stop posting. And if it is your preference, don't read us or come back.

We all need to remember the admonition to "take what you like and leave the rest." If you don't like a poster, don't read her...and if you don't like a thread, pass on it. You will find that WWU will still hold treasures for you elsewhere. Every one of you is needed.

We have assertive members, silent members, members who are opinionated and outspoken and timid members. We have members with short fuses and some with infinite patience. We even have a few would-be gurus. Many of us can be all outhouse things at one time or another. We come from all walks of life and have diverse backgrounds. What we have in common is the desire to heal old wounds and to help others do the same thing. We have compassion in common, understanding, kindness and empathy.

If on the either hand, you find someone being too graphic, abrupt or crude, let me know. I don't want them here any more than you do and will take the action I deem appropriate. Sometimes my actions serve us and sometimes I miss the mark. Always factor in the human element, please...my best is never going to be perfect. Sending love...a
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: Faithlooksup on April 14, 2011, 06:15:20 AM
Luise,  For what ever its worth...I will always LOVE YOU!!!!!  Forever have, forever will.
I cannot possibly count the number of times I have laughed at your "Famous One Liners!"  You are Hope for today and Inspiration for tomorrow.....

WWU is a true awesome forum to help and to try to breathe back life into those whom are hearting deeply with family estrangements etc......And when someone is hurting you do not pour more salt on their open wounds..........

I think of us as a seed in the ground, and with plenty of watering, sunshine and Love we will grow and Blossom into the Beautiful Flower we were meant to be.......

Oh Happy Days~~Lets keep WWU growing into the "Greatest Forum Ever!!!"

Love and HUGS to all...Faith :)
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: BrokenHope on April 14, 2011, 11:16:17 AM
Quote from: Faithlooksup on April 14, 2011, 06:15:20 AM
Luise,  For what ever its worth...I will always LOVE YOU!!!!!  Forever have, forever will.
I cannot possibly count the number of times I have laughed at your "Famous One Liners!"  You are Hope for today and Inspiration for tomorrow.....

WWU is a true awesome forum to help and to try to breathe back life into those whom are hearting deeply with family estrangements etc......And when someone is hurting you do not pour more salt on their open wounds..........

I think of us as a seed in the ground, and with plenty of watering, sunshine and Love we will grow and Blossom into the Beautiful Flower we were meant to be.......

Oh Happy Days~~Lets keep WWU growing into the "Greatest Forum Ever!!!"

Love and HUGS to all...Faith :)


Well said Faith... And Thank you Luise for being you and being our inspiration
Hugs :)
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 14, 2011, 11:27:06 AM
If any of you have an idea of how we can pull ourselves out of an emotional avalanche after it has started on a thread, I would appreciate hearing your suggestions. I can always lock the topic but that leaves everyone feeling thwarted, (to use an old term.) Everyone is left hanging and it becomes unfinished business.

Also, please P.M. me when you feel any sense of "bashing" because that's not what this Web-forum was designed for. We are always going to disagree at times and debate and refute...but...when we leave kindness behind, down we go.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: holliberri on April 14, 2011, 11:38:24 AM
Luise, I think the only way to do it is to modify our own etiquette on here.

1.) No name calling, no belittling anyone, and no talking about someone as if they're not reading our posts.
2.) Remembering that Luise is the moderator, and it's her call as to what stays and what goes.
3.) Most importantly, asking someone what they mean when they say something. This has gotten myself in trouble several times on here. I simply forget to do that. Just asking the question can diffuse further argument and let people use their rational brain instead of their emotional one.

And, I do think that if you are posting about abuse/violence, saying "Sensitive topic" in the subject line might be considerate so no one reads a post that triggers painful memories for them.

All in all, Luise, I think it is up to us. Not you.  I think you do a wonderful job moderating; and I know it must be a big job.

Since the very point of this site is communication; people really need to put their best efforts forth in doing just that, particularly because we're without body language and hand motions. Ask questions and listen first. Then type. I think a lot could be avoided that way.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: holliberri on April 14, 2011, 11:41:09 AM
Oh, and I forgot to mention.

Aplogies. This is HUGE. A big one.

Not, "I'm sorry you're  offended." That is a non-apology and takes very little responsibility on the part of the transgressor.

But, "I'm sorry; that wasn't my intention." Simple as that.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 14, 2011, 11:49:20 AM
Thank you HB. That's very helpful.

Years ago when I was married to the perfect guy (until he cheated on me)... we used to occasionally have disagreements on the way to work. (He dropped me off at Aetna one his way to Boeing.)

Later in the day he would call and say, "Hi, Honey...I'm so sorry your were bad!" LOL!
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: SunnyDays09 on April 14, 2011, 12:20:02 PM
Quote from: Faithlooksup on April 14, 2011, 06:15:20 AM
Luise,  For what ever its worth...I will always LOVE YOU!!!!!  Forever have, forever will.
I cannot possibly count the number of times I have laughed at your "Famous One Liners!"  You are Hope for today and Inspiration for tomorrow.....

WWU is a true awesome forum to help and to try to breathe back life into those whom are hearting deeply with family estrangements etc......And when someone is hurting you do not pour more salt on their open wounds..........

I think of us as a seed in the ground, and with plenty of watering, sunshine and Love we will grow and Blossom into the Beautiful Flower we were meant to be.......

Oh Happy Days~~Lets keep WWU growing into the "Greatest Forum Ever!!!"

Love and HUGS to all...Faith :)

I sensed someone calling me from here!    ;D
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: Faithlooksup on April 14, 2011, 12:47:35 PM
LOL~~~  sorry HappyDays09 ~~ I was not calling you...I had that song going on thru my head "Oh Happy Days" when I was posting and that is why I added that.....I did not mean to confuse you!!!!!

However Luise I also want to add to this when I have more time later...

But for now sending hugs everyone.....
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: LaurieS on April 14, 2011, 02:17:38 PM
Quote from: luise.volta on April 14, 2011, 11:49:20 AM
Thank you HB. That's very helpful.

Years ago when I was married to the perfect guy (until he cheated on me)...

They all have at least one flaw :)
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 14, 2011, 02:44:55 PM
Well, that was one too many. I have hundreds but that's "different!"  ;)
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: Faithlooksup on April 14, 2011, 02:53:10 PM
Hi everyone,    1st off~~Thank You Luise for asking for our input which is appreciated.....Please understand all, that I am not being harsh with my post.....However I am stateing truth from what I have read and heard.......

1)  NO BASHING ALLOWED....Period, its that simple...This is not your forum to bash another member...if you must bash--please get your own forum--or find someone in your family and bash them....Do not bash a hurting member on this forum, it is totally RUDE and uncalled for.

2)  RESPECT.....Please respect other members as you wish to be, what goes around comes around...I realise we do have many personalities on this forum, however RESPECT is one word we should all own and use.....Respecting one another goes a long way.......

3) OPINIONS....This one is always a doozie!!!!  We are all entitled to our opinions.....And that is exactly what they are~~OPINIONS.....Its not written in stone as to who's is right or wrong--it is simply how we feel about something.....If you dont agree with what I stated or with someone's elses post then so be it~~but dont turn around and bash the poster because YOU dont agree with them and I have seen this happen on here more times than I care to count......For you have left that poster/member feeling very uncomfortable~~"Walking On Egg Shells" so to speak...and NO ONE should have to feel that way on this forum..... Ladies, there is a difference between the words "Opinion" and being "Opinionated"~~look them up...

I also agree with Holli regarding apologies...The words "I am Sorry" do go a long way~~as long as they are sincere and Heartfelt......for it is the bigger person whom will apologise--never the little one..

When I come on this Forum, I feel as if I am walking into Luise's home for this is her Forum...I come in with respect and common courtesy for all...and that is how it should be for everyone...

Let us all remember why we are all here..to Help one another not hinder, to share not shame, to encourage not edge out.....For no one is better than the other.....

Thank You Luise for putting up with us thru thick and thin...

Sending Love and HUgs to all,  Faith
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: LaurieS on April 14, 2011, 03:23:39 PM
oh oh I've got one... no more  ::) of those hundreds of  :-* :-X every time a sentence is written  >:( ;D  If you have a qualm stand on your own to state it ;) :'( and not attach it to someone else's like a fly-by shooting.  It's also not respectful to change your identity in an attempt to fool others

And as we all know and Michael Jackson said it so well... Start with the Man in the Mirror. 
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: Rose799 on April 14, 2011, 03:27:53 PM
Quote from: Faithlooksup on April 14, 2011, 02:53:10 PM
When I come on this Forum, I feel as if I am walking into Luise's home for this is her Forum...I come in with respect and common courtesy for all...and that is how it should be for everyone...

This pretty well sums it up for me~  Thanks Faith...
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: holliberri on April 14, 2011, 04:09:17 PM
Luise, I realize I could have worded my post a lot better. I put my suggestions down as demands or requirements and they should not have been. That wasn't my intention. It is at your disposal to do as you see fit. I am a big girl and I can handle my own feelings should I perceive something is out of line.

I hope no one is setting up fictitious accounts. I would be hurt if someone would abuse the forum, as I felt we were all women of integrity. That seems that it would do more harm than good.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 14, 2011, 04:21:22 PM
Well, this has been very helpful. Thank you! I think it may be wise to refer newbies to this thread and ask them to read it all the way through, carefully, when they first post. And please, anyone who sees things going South on a thread...refer those on it to this thread for a second look at their presentation. As we increase in size, I need more help. You could even say..."Wanna take another look at 'Conflict on WWU' in Grab Bag before you go in this direction?" Or someting similar.   

I get behind. This last week since my dogie's death, I am again buried with questions on MomResponds.com. I feel like the one-armed paperhanger...with that arm in a sling sometimes.

You are a truly marvelous and divergent family and I love you all, dearly. Thank you again!Sending love...
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 14, 2011, 04:30:09 PM
HB - there is much here that is like conversation and is pretty spontaneous. None of us is going to do it perfectly, or even close.

Kirk is very careful about fictitious accounts. He has a lot of ways to check them out and when I delete a membership...he has ways to catch someone trying to come back in. Not foolproof but pretty effective.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: holliberri on April 14, 2011, 07:54:09 PM
It's not like I would every really find out anyway if someone had a fake account. All we have here is trust. Laurie is right. The only thing we can do to make sure this site runs near perfectly for you is to self-monitor. We all use spell check (okay...not me...too impatient) and it would help to use emotion check too.

Many of our debates have been beneficial and have helped us flesh out common ground. They don't always end badly; in fact, the bad ones are rare; and I'm not here solely for frills. I expect head butting once in awhile and if blanket generalizations are made and disguised as opinion, they need to be called into question, b/c in real life, they are only roadblocks and stereotypes that prevent us from seeing a person as just that: a person.

I think discussion boards (even support forums) require a thick skin. We are from all over the world, all different ages and come from very different families and situations; and sometimes things are written that need clarification and critical thinking applied. And sometimes, it is that clarification and critical thinking that gives us an "Ah-ha" moment. We can't be afraid of that. 

I know one synonym for opinionated is stubborn. I'll eat my hat if there is not one of us that has behaved in opinionated/stubborn matter on here when our line of thinking clashes with someone else's (well, there is one person on here that I can think of that hasn't)....We get through it and survive. I've been opinionated on here several times. Probably twice already this week. But,there are a good many times when I'm not opinionated or sturbborn as well.  Taking that for what it is worth would help. 
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: holliberri on April 14, 2011, 07:56:32 PM
Told ya'll I didn't use spell check.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: Tara on April 15, 2011, 12:16:43 AM
Holliberry,

I appreciated what you articulated, didn't think they came across as demands but rather ideas.

Btw, you express yourself in a very interesting, thoughtful and entertaining way.  Thank you.

Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: myree on April 15, 2011, 12:37:17 AM
i go by rules in life .1 be a lady and have manners 2 be kind to everyone you never really know their struggles 3 a sense of humor 4 there is enough hurt and anger in the world without adding to it , so lift someone,s spirits....... Snowflakes are one of natures most fragile things but just at what they create when they stick together :)
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: Faithlooksup on April 15, 2011, 03:21:20 AM
Myree, I do like what you posted....  I would have to add regarding the "Fictitious Account" statement~~I also hope this has never happened on this forum and if so when and where? ???
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: holliberri on April 15, 2011, 04:44:16 AM
I suppose it's just one of those things that we'd have an honor policy to never actually do that ourselves. If all of us adhere to that standard, there isn't actually a problem.

And with that, I'm following Pam, Pooh and LL's temporary exit for awhile. I'll be back in a week or two. I'm sure I'll be reading from time to time, but when the conflict on here exceeds the problems in my real  life...my life must be pretty good.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 15, 2011, 08:01:00 AM
Noooo Holli...I come back and you leave!  Boo!

I agree with what the posters above have posted.  I know I can try to put my posts a little more gracefully, but I also think if someone comes in here just wanting pure affirmation and nothing else, they will have a problem with disagreement no matter how delicately it is put.  It's funny, normally Holli and I have the same opinion about things.  I'll post and then she'll post later and her post is so much more delicate than mine.  So maybe I should start waiting for her to post and if I still agree with her, say "yeah, what she said."  LOL.
Title: Re: Conflict on WWU
Post by: luise.volta on April 15, 2011, 12:57:55 PM
Well, I seem to have failed. This thread was intended to clarify and reassure...not to lose valued members. I am so sorry. Is it time to shut down WWU? if it has such a negtive impact that it is making peoples lives worse, I apologize. Somehow I seem to have mismanaged the issue. I will contact KIrk.