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Problem Solving => Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws => Topic started by: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 07:17:20 AM

Title: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 07:17:20 AM
I just HAD to share about my eventful weekend. DH went camping with FIL and BIL2 at a big pow-wow type event this past weekend. I really missed DH, especially when the water heater "went out." Fortunately my mom and her BF were able to drop by and we discovered that something had caused the plug to come out part way. Woohoo!

Oh and I got to see my brother! YAY! They don't seem mad at all, so I guess they really are just busy.  :)

Well, since DH was spending time with his dad and brother I didn't bother him (other than a text that we had no hot water lol). Well, MIL DID bother him. She harassed DH and FIL ALL weekend! (Rude much?). She accused DH of stealing a DVD when he was at the house on Friday picking up their camping trailer. (Really? He would do this why?).

Anywho, yesterday between 9 am and Noon, MIL called DH 20 times. He did not answer after she had guilt tripped him saying "You aren't the son I raised. You've changed so much, and not for the better." (My hubby is the most incredible man. She means he changed because he puts me first and no longer bends to her every little whim.) Well, DH told her off. And I mean TOLD HER OFF!!! Called her out on her affair and everything. I can't believe he actually did this. I'm sorta glad, but it IS his mother and he shouldn't be so blatantly disrespectful even when she is, but I know that she makes being polite and respectful VERY difficult. So I just told him that he really shouldn't have said all that to his mom (but inside I was giving him a standing ovation lol).

Anywho, after BIL2's surprise 16th b-day party, we had to drop stuff off at FIL's. So we sat and chatted for a bit. Well, MIL/SIL were STILL harassing FIL so he turned his phone off. Next thing we know, SIL comes marching (yep, marching) in like she owns the place. She and FIL go to another room and she goes off into this tirade. The walls are very thin so needless to say, we heard EVERY word. Her tirade went on for 25 minutes without FIL being able to get a word in Edgewise. Her going off on how he is bad-mouthing MIL to everyone and that there is NO way MIL is having an affair with the live-in BF because if she were SIL would throw him out (like she has that kind of authority). And that FIL has NO PROOF! Oh, we all about burst out laughing. Boy is she going to be shocked when that video comes out.

She also stated that she should move away to some other state so she doesn't have to deal with the drama. I'm thinking "Please, do, and feel free to lose our phone numbers!" lol

Then she went into a mini tirade in her tirade about DH and I. Because, wait for it, we steal, that's right STEAL, from MIL's house every time we visit. That is the most absurd thing I ever heard! But then she completes it by saying "I mean, everything in their house is Stolen from mom!" OMG! Not a single thing in my house is even borrowed from MIL. I won't let DH because of all the strings attached.

But I digress, I no longer take anything SIL ever says seriously. I know that every other word out of her mouth is a lie (and the other words are curses lol). So now she just makes me want to laugh.

Oh and she is a CNA working through college and stated that she can afford a $600,000 house. Gave me a chuckle. I'd like her to try just so she can fail.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: SunnyDays09 on April 04, 2011, 07:40:38 AM
Color me confused - but I haven't read any of your back posts - so I am sorry.  I don't understand why your husband would bring up his mother's affair on the phone to her?  Was it a way to get back to her?  Explaining to her he didn't steal the dvd and perhaps suggesting she stop calling/texting unless it is an emergency -- then not answer her repeated calls for awhile, would have sufficed.  Not sure where the affair thing came in and how it is actually anyone's business but hers/her husbands/and the other person, unless your husband suffered greatly during the affair.  Maybe he could have sat down and talked to her about it?  Mil/fil are divorced???

Sounds like mom is having some major issues - she might benefit from therapy, I don't know.  But unloading on her family is only going to cause them to step way back (I can relate).  What is the base of all these rants from her?  Is she worried she is being cut from his life?  How often did her husband get calls from his mother and how did she like it? 

No sure about the mil/sil going after fil.  Why were they all together?  A birthday party doesn't sound like a good time to vent.  I feel bad for the guy who's birthday it was.  I mean, how selfish are these people they couldn't wait to air their spleens?  COME ON.  They owe this guy an apology.  They should schedule a day/week/month sometime to get together and air all this.  Get to the bottom of what it actually going on to cause all of this rage!  Get it all out but not on holidays, birthdays, family parties!  No.

I would def get the info from sil on what items were taken without mom's knowledge and return them asap. ( I have a sil that went into my mil's basement and took everything worth money she could.  She found a moment to ask mil if she could "borrow" these items and of course mil said "yes".  The sil has never returned them.  My mil saw her handmade table cloth on sils table and asked about it.  SIL now claims mil gave it to her.  That is not true.  SIL "borrowed" it.)  Get  this under control as soon as you can.  Your sil might be lying, but there may be some truth to it, too.  Find out.  Ask the SIL point blank what items are in question and if you have them - return them.  Whether it be a painting, an antique handmade Italian table cloth, a ruby brooch, etc.  RETURN THEM to MIL.  If mil says "these are gifts"  get it in writing.  For you might one day find yourself in court over it. 


Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 04, 2011, 07:43:51 AM
OK, I've got to ask - what is it about DH that is so wonderful you agreed to marry into this situation? His mom would have been a deal breaker for me, let alone the SIL. You've got a lot to deal with there, missy. Best wishes.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 04, 2011, 07:52:02 AM
I don't even know that I would laugh if I were in your position...more like have an anxiety attack!!  I just can't even imagine having to deal with so much CRAZY, ADIL!
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 04, 2011, 07:54:29 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 07:17:20 AM
And that FIL has NO PROOF! Oh, we all about burst out laughing. Boy is she going to be shocked when that video comes out.

I am seriously afraid to ask, but I will anyway. Private investigator?

Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 04, 2011, 08:00:50 AM
So seriously, why did you marry into it? What did you think would change when you became the DIL?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 08:02:55 AM
Quick "history." Last June, one of MIL's co-workers moved into DH's old room (he was kicked out early for co-worker to move in. He wasn't suppsed to move into the house with me until after the wedding in August). Then it was "recommended" that FIL move out. They are not divorced yet, but are in the process.

I have NO idea WHY DH brought it up. I know he has been holding all this stuff in for a while, so it was probably she was harrassing him and he just exploded. I don't think he should have brought it up because it really isn't our business.

MIL's real issue is control. DH is the first of her kids to get married and move out on his own and she no longer has control over him and she doesn't like that and for that reason she doesn't like me either.

As far as being cut from our lives, I won't do, but she has threatened to cut us off. And if the divorce goes messy, which we are expecting, she is probably going to follow through with that threat.  :-\

Oh, nothing has EVER been taken/borrowed etc. from MIL. I won't allow it. I won't even let DH borrow her steam-cleaner because it will come with strings attached. I don't want to "owe" her anything. I know that there isn't a single thing in my home that could be viewed as "belonging" to MIL or anyone else.  I'm choosing to igonre that lol.

DH is my soulmate. He is perfect for me. He is an amaznig carpenter/mechanic/plumer/electrician, and cleans the house on fridays while I work. Doing the dishes and the laundry. Cooks me a wonderful meal. I am soooo blessed to have him in my life. I wish I were as good a wife to him as he is husband to me.... And the IL's weren't this way until DH proposed. Then... Holey Moley!!!

MIL actually told FIL at the wedding that she was jealous of us and wished her and FIL had a relationship like DH and I.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 08:04:19 AM
FIL caught it on video himself because he suspected that she was cheating on him...

It IS a whole lotta crazy! I think that's why it makes me laugh, beacuse some of this stuff you think only happens in sitcoms.... That and maybe lack of sleep lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: lancaster lady on April 04, 2011, 08:05:36 AM
Never a dull moment ...good job you can laugh , otherwise you would cry or go crazy , or both !!
also you married him ...not his family .
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Faithlooksup on April 04, 2011, 08:10:05 AM
Oh My Gosh~~You did have a very eventful weekend and I am giving you a stand ovation!!!  Such Drama!!!  I have to be honest and say I did find myself laughing at a lot of this with you...Unbelieveable......

Good for you not taking all of this to heart and letting it get the Best of you....You've got one up on all of them---your sence of humor and not living with rose colored glasses on..... ;)

Keep up the good work!!!  Faith
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: luise.volta on April 04, 2011, 09:22:40 AM
Move...far away. Where you can laugh at healthy stuff.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 04, 2011, 12:09:34 PM
I'm glad you are able to laugh it off, because I have to admit, if my SIL was accusing me and DH of stealing, and I could hear it being said, I would have been hard-pressed not to confront her right there.

You're a bigger person than me.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 12:49:53 PM
Quote from: Pooh on April 04, 2011, 12:09:34 PM
I'm glad you are able to laugh it off, because I have to admit, if my SIL was accusing me and DH of stealing, and I could hear it being said, I would have been hard-pressed not to confront her right there.

You're a bigger person than me.

I was thinking about emailing her for a list of items she thinks we supposedly stole.

I don't have any "proof" but some items went missing from our house around the time of the wedding that I actually suspect SIL ran off with. Since the "broke into" our house that day. Somehow, I don't know how, MIL/SIL/SIL'sBF/SIL'sBFF/BIL2 got ahold of our spare key on the wedding day. I was LIVID that people were in my house without my permission or knowledge. And in my bedroom. They were trying to be "sweet," but there is just something disturbing about MIL putting KY gel in your bedroom.

But, I don't have any proof. So I will just assume that I must have somehow misplaced these items... Maybe I was sleep walking LOL
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: elsieshaye on April 04, 2011, 02:23:30 PM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 12:49:53 PM
They were trying to be "sweet," but there is just something disturbing about MIL putting KY gel in your bedroom.

EEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!  Eeeewwweeeeewwwweeeewwwww!!!!   :o :o :o
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 04, 2011, 02:35:01 PM
I'm sure the KY was meant as a gag gift and nothing more ... it sounds to me like lines have been drawn and everyone has their place instead of everyone stepping back from this situation.  Adil, honestly ask yourself.. if this was my marriage, would I want the family to take sides. 
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: pam1 on April 04, 2011, 02:47:44 PM
I'm glad you can see it as funny.  I honestly wouldn't go around any of them until stuff settled down.  I don't think it will get any better until you draw lines -- but around yourself and your DH.  Laurie is right, I think taking sides or drawing lines to include other family members is just asking for drama.  The moment SIL came over and started her tirade, I would have left. 

To me, it even sounds bad enough that I'd change my number too and only contact them.  Until they can all behave themselves.  Life is too short.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 04, 2011, 04:42:35 PM
I think it is quite common to stage a break in and prank the house.

Our girlfriend in Italy came home to a broken bed thanks to her pranksters. It was funny, but she's lucky she didn't get hurt.

Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 04, 2011, 07:10:44 PM
I only have contact with them on special occassions, but they harrass DH. I say harrass because whenever he gets off the phone it is complain, complain, complain. I do hope things settle down when the divorce goes through, but as they say "Plan for the worst and hope for the best."  :)

Ideally, MIL will act like a grown-up and not throw a hissy fit because we still see and talk to FIL. He has no issues with us seeing and talking to her (although with her past behavior towards me and DH, I might have a few "issues" lol). They really just need to play nice. No using other family members as a weapon against the other.

But, it is sooo clear where the family lines have been drawn. MIL/SIL/BIL2 on one side and FIL/DH/BIL1 on the other. Since my relationship with MIL/SIL has never been a close one, well, I don't think I need to say anything more about what side I would be on...

But, I may have a child someday. MIL might want to be a part of that child's life. But, if she decides to cut us off over this, she will not see any future kids. I don't play the game "I'll be nice to you as long as I am getting something from you."

Sooooo, praying that MIL gets a dose of maturity when dealing with all of this.... Maybe a dose for the rest of them too! I feel like I am watching a bunch of kindergarteners fight over a new toy!


I've heard that "tradition" before too. But, sending this out to the soon to be MIL's lol, it is a VERY INTRUSIVE RUDE thing to do when you have already told your FDIL that she is not now nor will she ever be part of your family.... I am a little OCD as well. My family had enough sense not to pull that, soooo, whether it was a joke, sweet or what-have-you it is listed as a mark against her in my book. Just being honest.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: SunnyDays09 on April 04, 2011, 07:32:41 PM
I think I like the move suggestion.  :)

You sound like you two have a handle on the family fun.  It would probably be nice to talk with them and voice your concerns, but mil may not take any more boundaries. 

Is it known what the woman really wants?  Is she this way with everyone?  Is there any remorse from her after her spells?  To call your husband so many times seems like someone going over the edge quick.  I hope you two are far from it if it happens.

I hope she gets a grip before she loses her whole family. 

Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Kennedy on April 04, 2011, 08:37:28 PM
Most every family has a few nuts. And the way you can laugh at  the nuts in yours is great! IMO.

I have a very off topic question. In your OP you used the word "Anywho" What does that mean? I've seen that before many times and I don't get it? LOL It seems to take the place of "Anyhow"? Just wondering? Thanks
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: luise.volta on April 04, 2011, 08:50:11 PM
Yup, that's what it means. We just substitute it for fun. Sending love...
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: elsieshaye on April 05, 2011, 07:26:14 AM
I'm not a fan of the pranking the house thing.  Seriously do not like people in my house without my permission.  And while I can see myself giving my son a gag gift, I can't imagine teasing a future DIL quite that way unless I 100% without a shadow of a doubt knew she'd find it hilarious.  It's only funny if the recipient finds it funny, and when in doubt, don't go there, otherwise it's just invasive and disrespectful.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 07:32:16 AM
I'm with you elsie.  I'm not a fan of it either.  And I also agree I think you have to know your recipients very well, before you pull any prank. 
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 08:30:41 AM
Making a note to self.... cancel that amazon order for the case of KY I was sending to Pooh :)
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 08:46:52 AM
Quote from: Laurie on April 05, 2011, 08:30:41 AM
Making a note to self.... cancel that amazon order for the case of KY I was sending to Pooh :)

ROFLMBO!!!!!
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 08:56:27 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 08:46:52 AM
Quote from: Laurie on April 05, 2011, 08:30:41 AM
Making a note to self.... cancel that amazon order for the case of KY I was sending to Pooh :)

ROFLMBO!!!!!
Pssshhh....send it on...you know your audience well.  ;D
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 05, 2011, 08:57:49 AM
So after the proposal when the F-ILs got weird you still went ahead with the wedding? You had a chance to escape and you didn't take it?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 09:26:03 AM
Quote from: Pen on April 05, 2011, 08:57:49 AM
So after the proposal when the F-ILs got weird you still went ahead with the wedding? You had a chance to escape and you didn't take it?

I guess I am as crazy as they are LOL

DH is everything I've always wanted. It truly never occured to me to "escape" from his crazy family because he is so perfect for me.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: luise.volta on April 05, 2011, 09:42:48 AM
Move. Far away!
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 09:49:26 AM
I've seen that question before, Pen, "why did you marry him if you knew what his family was like?" so I'm not trying to single you out here, but I just can't imagine leaving my DH in the lurch because he shares DNA with crazy people.  I mean would you give up your DH if he was related to nutbags?  Just walk away from the greatest love of your life even though it's not really his fault?  I just couldn't even imagine.  That would be punishing him for something he has little control over.  ADIL's DH seems like he is well versed enough not to buy into their madness.  So why punish him for it?  I don't get it.  It would have never crossed my mind.  Now, had he been completely enmeshed with them and not able to see the forest from the trees, that's a different story.  But to have a DH that isn't buying into their crap and doing what he can to put his marital relationship first...how can you walk away from that?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 05, 2011, 10:14:29 AM
If my future inlaws were horrid I wouldn't marry in. I might date awhile, live with the guy to see how it went, maybe even accept a proposal, but I would not marry in if it got weird. If I chose to marry in I would have to shut up about them. I don't think cutting a DS off from his FOO is a legitimate survival mechanism. I didn't think that as a DIL with hateful ILs, and I don't think that now as a MIL with an unaccepting DIL.

MILs don't have a choice about poor treatment from a DIL. We did not say yes to anything.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 10:18:18 AM
DH isn't someone worth walking away from over his parents. I'd spend the rest of my life regretting not having married him for all the times in between.

Like, his mom might bawl/drive me crazy/toss passive aggressive comments in my direction, but she's not around all the time, and her behavior doesn't always impact my marriage. Just when she wants it to, and when I let HER feelings get the best of me. And, as I've said before, the military and life got in the way: DH and I were married a lot sooner than either of us planned and I had barely met his parents. All circumstances are different. I would've preferred to live with DH first, but that was impossible. I tried, I couldn't get a work visa, or permission to go overseas without a marriage license.

I wouldn't have missed the last 7 years for IL trouble, Who else would accidently drain  my transmission fluid when he was working really hard to change the oil in my car? :) Or make sure that the flowers he gets me are watered b/c I forget sometimes? Or when I complain about my lips being chapped, HOURS later he runs into a store and without my asking, hands me a freshly bought stick of chapstick. That's the stuff that makes his mom worth it, but I'm still entitled to vent.

I see ADil's ILs divorce as a whole lot of crazy, but separate from her marriage from her DH. 




Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 10:20:35 AM
I don't think cutting someone off from their FOO is acceptable either, Pen, but if someone decides that for themselves, there isn't much to be done. 

I guess I'll just have to agree to disagree.  I don't see any reason good enough to miss out on the opportunity of a life long love because he has a family of crazies if he, himself, isn't crazy.  To each his own. 

I agree with you- MILs did not say "yes" to anything, but I didn't marry my DH for his family, either.  I married him for him and only him.  The family situation can either add to it or subtract from it, but I didn't marry the whole family, so in that sense, I didn't say "yes" to my ILs poor treatment either. 
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 10:23:20 AM
I know where you are coming from, Pen. I know my situation is very different. So for me it wasn't a "red flag" to run or anything.MIL would be treating anyone (except DH's lting cheating (ironic) ex-girlfriend) that DH chose to marry this way. Was he to never marry because his mommy didn't know how to let go?

I agree cutting off the IL's is a cop-out. It is an "easy fix." I pretty much loathe my MIL/SIL, but I will not make the choice of cutting them off. However, if THEY choose to do that, I'm not going to stop them either lol

It is so unfortunate when people just can't get along, for whatever the reason is. Life is too short.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 10:25:40 AM
You got that right, ADIL.  Life is too short, and people forget that when they know they are actively hurting others and don't seem to care.  Life is so short, do you really want your time on this earth spent hurting people and leaving them with that pain?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 05, 2011, 10:45:29 AM
Men need to deal with their FOO issues before proposing marriage. I would run like the wind if a BF was still tied to his mommy. It would only bring misery to be the one blamed for taking him away.

In my situation I feel it was dishonorable for DIL to pretend she liked us, planning all along to make her FOO the main event.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 10:48:27 AM
In my situation, my DH tackled the FOO issues before he proposed marriage as well.  There was only so much he could do though, he couldn't force them into adapting in a healthy way.  In no way was he still tied to his mom, but she sure was still tied to him and no matter what he said she was determined to keep her end of the cord in tact.

It was absolutely dishonorable and dishonest of your DIL to pretend she liked you if she was planning on acting a different way once the ring was on her finger.  But, if I were the spouse of someone like that, I'd have a major problem and that would not fly with me- nor would I expect it to fly with my DH.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 10:52:55 AM
The unfortunate thing is when someone does such an about face and you feel that this was their intention from the beginning, you would almost view your son's marriage as being based on lies.  If she would do this to the parents of the man that she professes to love, then who wouldn't she do this to?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 10:53:09 AM
And of course, there is always a new day, new issue. First it was the wedding, then it was holidays, then it was religion, and now it's a baby. We tackle one (DH has done his fair share), but MIL is good at dreaming up new schemes. We just aren't imaginative enough. I'm also beginning to thing that if we tackle and tackle, we get worn out. The only one left standing is MIL. The issue isn't so much that DH is tied to Mommy, it's that  MIL would like him to be.

Pen, I think we're all in agreement here about your DIL.

And, I'm hardpressed to think of one set of parents/ILs that are perfect. I'm still working on issues with my parents, and my GPs for that matter. I'm the second generation to be working on them. I think we'd be spouseless/childless forever if I waited for that day to happen.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 10:54:59 AM
Pen, I LOVE that you used the word "dishonorable." It is very Klingon of you.

I know for me. I wasn't faking it about liking my IL's BEFORE the proposal. My MIL didn't really do anything bad before that point. Now I just deal with it when I must see her because I told her why I feel the way I do and was just called disrespectful. I don't know why she feels that way. She didn't give any examples of my "disrespectful" behavior. But the ball is in her court. She knows that to be a part of our lives she is not going to get her way all the time, but she won't budge. Oh well,...

Kaplah! (That's Klingon for Hello and Goodbye).  ;)
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 11:01:12 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 10:54:59 AM
Pen, I LOVE that you used the word "dishonorable." It is very Klingon of you.
Kaplah! (That's Klingon for Hello and Goodbye).  ;)

I'm lost.. is this like Star Trek?  Weren't the Klingon's the pointed head people with tumorous growths on their forehead?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 11:02:02 AM
ADil. Whaaa???
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 11:02:41 AM
Quote from: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 10:53:09 AM
And of course, there is always a new day, new issue. First it was the wedding, then it was holidays, then it was religion, and now it's a baby. We tackle one (DH has done his fair share), but MIL is good at dreaming up new schemes. We just aren't imaginative enough. I'm also beginning to thing that if we tackle and tackle, we get worn out. The only one left standing is MIL. The issue isn't so much that DH is tied to Mommy, it's that  MIL would like him to be.


I feel you on that one, holli.  There's only so much for a man to do before marrying...they have the rest of your lives to come up with more "stuff" to throw at you.  I would have felt awful for judging him based on his family.  And you are right...we'd all be spouseless!!
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 11:03:05 AM
Ohhhh ADIL's a trekkie!!!
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 11:09:41 AM
Quote from: Laurie on April 05, 2011, 11:01:12 AM
Quote from: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 10:54:59 AM
Pen, I LOVE that you used the word "dishonorable." It is very Klingon of you.
Kaplah! (That's Klingon for Hello and Goodbye).  ;)

I'm lost.. is this like Star Trek?  Weren't the Klingon's the pointed head people with tumorous growths on their forehead?

Yep.... Don't make me attack you with a Bat'leth though. lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 11:11:51 AM
Quote from: Pen on April 05, 2011, 10:45:29 AM
Men need to deal with their FOO issues before proposing marriage. I would run like the wind if a BF was still tied to his mommy. It would only bring misery to be the one blamed for taking him away.

In my situation I feel it was dishonorable for DIL to pretend she liked us, planning all along to make her FOO the main event.

Pen, I have to agree with the girls here.  If my DH had a clinging family, I would have still married him because he is a wonderful person.  Yes, I would have had prior knowledge that his family was going to be hard to deal with, but as long as I saw it was them, and not him....I would marry him in a heartbeat.   You can't pick your family.

Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 11:14:48 AM
Quote from: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 11:11:51 AM
You can't pick your family.

Which is a bummer, although Pooh would be realted to everyone! lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 11:22:56 AM
Actually my dh's family was soooooo traditional, very very straight laced.. my dh was the nut in the family, the bad boy, the everything that I loved.  Besides, people do evolve the family you married into today is probably not going to totally resemble the one that you will see 30 years from now.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 11:24:01 AM
So maybe there is hope yet!!
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 11:26:09 AM
Quote from: Laurie on April 05, 2011, 11:22:56 AM
Besides, people do evolve the family you married into today is probably not going to totally resemble the one that you will see 30 years from now.

Very true, a whole bunch of them will be dead in 30 years.... Sorry, couldn't resist lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 11:41:38 AM
ADil,

Do you take anything seriously? LOL.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 11:46:13 AM
Yes, Raquetball.... And Vampire Diaries.......

I've always been like my dad, make a joke to lighten the mood.  :)

I can be serious when I need to be though.  ;)
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 11:47:46 AM
Laughter is the best medicine, in my Xanadu world.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 11:53:52 AM
Are there Klingons there as well?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 11:57:44 AM
There is now!  If I'm going to accept ADIL as my adopted DIL, I have to except the Klingon part of her as well......live long and prosper.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 12:03:29 PM
Well, those are Vulcan words, but..... "Peace and Long Life."
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 12:45:34 PM
Seriously, that's about the extent of my Star Trek knowledge.  Seen all the movies and loved the show growing up...but I don't speak Klingon or Vulcan.  I can say most dirty words in three different languages...does that count?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 12:47:08 PM
Maybe I'm the only one that is confused, but I started a low carb diet yesterday, so I'll stand corrected if I am. I need some clarification on the Klingon thing, b/c well, it's been an hour and I'm still thinking about it.

Did you think "dishonorable" was a good term to use for someone that behaves one way towards a set of parents and then after a wedding immediately behaves another way? Is that what you loved about it? I think it's a good term to use for Pen's situation.

I'm honestly asking b/c I think that sentence could be taken one of two ways, and I do get a tad overanalytical when I'm hungry. I got myself in trouble with the "love" word on here recently, and I'm no trekkie (a star trekkie told me the correct term was trekker once?), so I don't see the analogy. I'd really like feedback, especially b/c "LOVE" tends to be used as a sarcastic punchline around Philly. But, we also say jimmies and "gotta go tap MAC" when we go withdraw cash from an ATM, so maybe it is just me.  :)
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 12:56:03 PM
I must have missed the whole "love" thing. 

I think dishonorable was a very good word for Pen's situation.  I can't claim that my DIL presented herself in a different light while they were dating and engaged.  She has been the same through everything.  But Pen's DIL pretended to be someone she wasn't.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 12:57:10 PM
Holli, I honestly didn't really analyze it's use by Pen. I'm just a mega-nerd who loves words lol.. some of my other favorites are "indubitably," "avuncular," and "loathesome." I really just think the word "dishonarable" is cool and can't be used very often. lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 12:59:10 PM
As soon as I hit post, it hit me that I wanted to ask Pen something.  Forgive me Pen if we have covered this before, but I can't remember. 

Has your DIL changed completely when with your DS as well?  Has her personality completely changed, or just where you guys are concerned?
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 01:01:35 PM
Ah, okay, then, I needed that to be straight.

Klingon isn't a nice term in Philly, as I recall. I have no idea why, though. I think it has something to do with Klingon behavior or groupthink or something. But, you would know that better than I would.

I shall go back to my corner and continue starving now.  :)

And, I do try to use "indubitably" when I can too.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: overwhelmed123 on April 05, 2011, 01:04:07 PM
Gotta go tap MAC...what the...I am so lost.  How in the world did that get started?

Holli...eat some green beans with almonds!  Mmm, that is one of my faves!  I live low carb.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 01:05:12 PM
"Klingon" would indubitably be used with negative connotations because they are known for having horrible tempers. They are downright loathesome, not at all avuncular....... But Honor is extremely important to them.... lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 01:07:19 PM
Ok, now I have to go back to my corner...cause I had to google "avuncular".
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 01:12:11 PM
Gotta tap Mac.

I do know where that came from!

Pre-year 2000, ATM Machines around here were owned by MAC. (The rest of the country had ATMs ran/owned by STAR).

Now, our ATM machines are all owned/ran by STAR too, but the term MAC still stuck.

Gotta tap Star doesn't sound as catchy, I guess.

Ah...that's where Klingons became associated with Groupthink...their honor. That makes sense now. I shall include it as an analogy in my grad paper about my place of work.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 01:13:42 PM
When I was growing up, the one at our bank was a MAC.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 01:14:49 PM
Quote from: Pooh on April 05, 2011, 01:07:19 PM
Ok, now I have to go back to my corner...cause I had to google "avuncular".

I always look for an opportunity to use it because it is soooo odd. I don't often need a word for "like an uncle" lol
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 01:17:33 PM
Oh, MACs were around for sure, STAR just beat them out over time. What a pain to be in the banking industry when that happened around here. For whatever reason, we had to reissue new cards that said "STAR" on them to all 6 million members at the Credit Union, even though they could use their MAC card at a STAR machine.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: elsieshaye on April 05, 2011, 01:47:26 PM
HB, if someone bothered to correct you about the difference between "trekkie" and "trekker," they were definitely trekkies, lol.  Trekkie is the sometimes slightly derisive term used to describe the kind of people who own a Star Trek costume with accurate insignia and show up for jury duty or grocery shopping wearing it.  Trekkers also own the costume, and the insignia are equally correct, but they wouldn't go out in public wearing it, unless it's to a convention.  I'm a Trekkie, personally, but no costume.  So mostly a Trekkie wannabe, then, unless it counts that I named the directory housing our Quality Action Plan at work "Qapla" (it wouldn't accept the apostrophe - stupid Windows).

The Borg are more groupthink-y (literally), but the Klingons have a more rigid, clannish social structure with very clear ideas of right and wrong, usually involving the shedding of blood (one's own, or other people's).
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 05, 2011, 01:58:00 PM
Quote from: elsieshaye on April 05, 2011, 01:47:26 PM
HB, if someone bothered to correct you about the difference between "trekkie" and "trekker," they were definitely trekkies, lol.  Trekkie is the sometimes slightly derisive term used to describe the kind of people who own a Star Trek costume with accurate insignia and show up for jury duty or grocery shopping wearing it.  Trekkers also own the costume, and the insignia are equally correct, but they wouldn't go out in public wearing it, unless it's to a convention.  I'm a Trekkie, personally, but no costume.  So mostly a Trekkie wannabe, then, unless it counts that I named the directory housing our Quality Action Plan at work "Qapla" (it wouldn't accept the apostrophe - stupid Windows).

The Borg are more groupthink-y (literally), but the Klingons have a more rigid, clannish social structure with very clear ideas of right and wrong, usually involving the shedding of blood (one's own, or other people's).

Sweet Jesus! I'm a Trekker! I DO own a uniform but I would DIE before I EVER wore it in Public! LOL
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 02:03:34 PM
Oh, my goodness. Borg it will have to be then!

Just how many trekkers/trekkies do we have on this board? LOL.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: misunderstood on April 05, 2011, 03:01:59 PM
I'm one, though haven't got a costume.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 05, 2011, 03:17:33 PM
If I were a Trekkie I'd be cut off for sure...that would do it.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 03:26:50 PM
and to think I roll my eyes at people who dress up for the Renaissance Festival
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: pam1 on April 05, 2011, 04:45:28 PM
Quote from: Pen on April 05, 2011, 10:45:29 AM
Men need to deal with their FOO issues before proposing marriage. I would run like the wind if a BF was still tied to his mommy. It would only bring misery to be the one blamed for taking him away.

In my situation I feel it was dishonorable for DIL to pretend she liked us, planning all along to make her FOO the main event.

I agree with you.  But in a lot of situations you just don't know how bad it is/was until the deed is done lol.  I had some inklings but again, no one is perfect and I just assumed that there were some quirks that most people have.  I also assumed that weddings make people nuts and it would settle down in time. 

I don't think I would have ran away if I had full knowledge but I definitely would have my requirements up front that would have to be met before I said I do. 
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 05:54:32 PM
Yeah, I went to the Renaissance Faire and didn't quite "get it." I was told by some chain mel clad Lord that I wouldn't "get it" without dressing up.

I'll save that $26 bucks next year. Never need to do that again.

Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pen on April 05, 2011, 06:20:22 PM
This is how computer game addicts are born...they just love the fantasy. I have enough trouble negotiating the pitfalls of real life.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: holliberri on April 05, 2011, 06:40:30 PM
LOL, Pen! That's why I wanted to take DH to the Faire, he too is a computer game addict.

He was just as uncomfortable as I was. I was a tad relieved he was.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: LaurieS on April 05, 2011, 07:33:43 PM
My son would live at the festival in his freakish outfits.. last year he and his gf wore the Japanese ceremonial gowns.. ok that was odd but not strange I guess... but he said that he thinks that the festival is for every overweight woman who wants to wear something scandalously skimpy .. he said Mom you'll love it why don't you go?... Hmmm NO   

We live on the same road as the festival.. this goes on for 6 weeks.. traffic backs up for approximately 5 miles in every direction morning and night.. we have our secret way out of the subdivision, but I try not to go anywhere.. especially the grocery store, they are all over the place... only thing worse would be a trekie convention :)
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: luise.volta on April 05, 2011, 08:38:13 PM
We have a thing at our affiliated camp next door called the Lights of Christmas that lasts for three weeks in December and ties traffic up for miles in both directions. ]/tthey have all kinds of shows and eatieries and even a bed and breakfast. Lots of our residents volunteer there. I do the "bah-humbug" thing.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: AnonymousDIL on April 07, 2011, 09:20:50 AM
Sooooooo, word on the street is MIL is PO'ed about Saturday. She texted DH to complain that we didn't spend enough time with her and that everyone (BIL1, us, FIL) left at the same time. BIL1 leaving was a coincidence. We left the same time FIL did because it was getting late, DH had to drop off the trailer at FIL's. Yes, we talked with FIL for a bit before DH's "lovely" sister showed up. She shouldn't be upset. We were leaving regardless of whether or not FIL was leaving. If she treated us with a little more respect, we would want to spend more time with her.
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: Pooh on April 07, 2011, 09:24:35 AM
Word on the street is that your MIL is a pill......
Title: Re: My weekend... Good for a laugh
Post by: luise.volta on April 07, 2011, 11:48:32 AM
Word on the street is that "respect" is in a foreign language...no use using it. She is how and what she is...how and what you are is all that matters. Sending love...