March 29, 2024, 08:57:47 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Pen

4216
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: boundaries
October 18, 2009, 08:36:26 AM
How about keeping the list for you and your husband to refer to, but don't give it to your ILs? There are gentler, kinder ways to let them know your boundaries! There may be a learning curve, but we all learn better and more quickly when we're not stressed. I've had a terrible MIL and a great MIL and now I'm apparently a monster MIL, so I've seen many sides of this issue. BTW, monster that my DIL thinks I am, I've never done the drop-in or given unwanted advice or criticised my son and DIL, although they have done all of those things to us, many times. I feel like handing them a list  ;)
4217
Hi all - I'm new to this site, and I've been a MIL for just over a year. Everyone's stories are so touching, and some are exactly like mine. I was totally blindsided by my DIL's rejection and apparently hatred for us after the wedding (now in hindsight I realize there were signs right before and during the wedding, but we chalked them up to pre-wedding stress.) My son is not happy about this, but we've told him his wife comes first - if they need counseling or whatever they should get it, as my son is keen to do. Of course, my heart is broken and I'm looking forward to being shut out of any future grandchildren's lives as well. We've been great in-laws! We never pop in, only stopping by when they request because they need something from us. We paid part of their rent, helped them move, helped them clean, loaned them a car, etc. etc. We paid what we could for the wedding but apparently didn't do enough. What I need are suggestions on how to move on? I've been journaling and my husband and I try to stay busy with work, recreation and house projects - what else should I be doing??