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Hi all.
Not too sure if this is still an open thread...but here are my thoughts.
My DS went through a stage when whatever I did/didn't do/said/didn't say was wrong! To say it was highly confusing and hurtful is an understatement!
The harder I pushed to try and understand or to figure out the reason or just plan ask "hey what's up?" The more he pushed me away.
In the end I decided to back off. I kept thinking of a frightened animal. Even if you try to help it sadly still sees you as a threat. It hisses and growls and lashes out and even runs away. My DS was acting the same way. So I decided to retreat and be patient.
I stopped the calls, texts, parcels, letters. And instead I did my own thing and waited and waited ... until he saw that I was respecting his space, his adulthood and his wishes. I was no longer a threat and when he realised that he came round. Slowly at first but he came round.
And I also learnt not to repeat the mistakes of old. So now I never judged. When he asked for advice I never gave it but instead always asked him what his gut instinct was and reminded him that 9/10 times his instinct was correct. When he asked for money I said I'll help you sort out a budget but I won't give you money. When he wanted to made mistakes I reminded him that he was only human and we all make mistakes and to cut himself some slack! He couldn't believe the change in his stress free DM!!!
What I'm trying to say is remember that cornered animal. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to leave them alone.
Sending hugs xxx
Not too sure if this is still an open thread...but here are my thoughts.
My DS went through a stage when whatever I did/didn't do/said/didn't say was wrong! To say it was highly confusing and hurtful is an understatement!
The harder I pushed to try and understand or to figure out the reason or just plan ask "hey what's up?" The more he pushed me away.
In the end I decided to back off. I kept thinking of a frightened animal. Even if you try to help it sadly still sees you as a threat. It hisses and growls and lashes out and even runs away. My DS was acting the same way. So I decided to retreat and be patient.
I stopped the calls, texts, parcels, letters. And instead I did my own thing and waited and waited ... until he saw that I was respecting his space, his adulthood and his wishes. I was no longer a threat and when he realised that he came round. Slowly at first but he came round.
And I also learnt not to repeat the mistakes of old. So now I never judged. When he asked for advice I never gave it but instead always asked him what his gut instinct was and reminded him that 9/10 times his instinct was correct. When he asked for money I said I'll help you sort out a budget but I won't give you money. When he wanted to made mistakes I reminded him that he was only human and we all make mistakes and to cut himself some slack! He couldn't believe the change in his stress free DM!!!
What I'm trying to say is remember that cornered animal. Sometimes the kindest thing to do is to leave them alone.
Sending hugs xxx