WiseWomenUnite.com

Been a while since I've been on.  Since then, my mother died at home unexpectedly in July 2013 and my daughter had 1 more daughter in May 2013 who is cute as a button(total of 2 for her, 4 total for SIL).  SIL managed to lose yet another job.  I and my DH are convinced this is his plan and he has no desire to hold a job.  DD is working at a low paying job (but at least she is working)  and they are all struggling as usual while he sits back....that just doesn't stop grinding me.  I know this is her choice.  Her license plates are stolen (no one's birthday we know on the stamp) I believe since they cannot afford insurance or plates for the vehicle.  I just do what I do and spend time with the grands when I can and have gotten slightly better with pulling back some.  Still don't understand how she can be attracted to this loser but it is what it is.  I keep hoping she'll "outgrow" it but she doesn't.  Wishing a better life for my daughter and grands.  Maybe some day.   
anyway, good to see you.  I referred a friend today to this site who is having issues with her AC.  I hope she will try it as I know she would like it. 

well, I'm not that surprised either even though I thought it would be higher....seems like we're surrounded by peeps who seem to have it all together...or want it to appear so.  This reminds me of that quote:

"Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle"

? J.M. Barrie

Hi stilltrying2010,

My take is that your fil chose this long time girlfriend to be his wife, no matter how short lived it turned out.  Even though from the outside looking in, it seems odd she would charge up a storm with his credit cards as he is on his death bed.  However, the only 2 people in the relationship is him and her.  Even though we may not agree with or understand the absurdities, the relationship was theirs.  I feel badly for you since it is obviously sticky and can empathize how the surrounding parties could see this.  Everyone all around the situation is overloaded with emotion.  Sometimes it's just best to sit back and not feed the fire for a while.  I find when you don't feed the fire, it will die out.   Meanwhile, as hard as it is, remember that fil made the decision to make this woman his wife and she has "rights" and choices to make, even if she makes very poor ones.  Not that I agree with her behavior at all, it's just something to put in perspective.  Consider it a matter of respecting your late fil's wishes, even when we don't understand or agree with them.  IMHO. 

Warmest regards,

firelight

If you see each other at all, it will happen naturally over time.  She must may be a private person....also, she DOES sound extremely busy and if she's an RN probably tired as well....and pregnant!  Just offer yourself in small doses.   

Welcome, shiny,

Glad you found this site.  As Pen:  well said.  We all are in this special club where we understand (I mean REALLY understand) the pain of motherhood gone awry.  It's ok to be an observer but I think you'll find it soothing and comforting to be able to vent and express emotions here in good company. 

We all take 1 step forward and 2 steps back when it comes to our kids, no matter their ages.  We all try to self-preserve, remember that we deserve good treatment, and move forward in life to make one for ourselves without our kids even though they are always with us in mind and heart.  Even when things go bad with an understanding that can be beyond our comprehension, we have other memories of a better time.  We can keep those in our hearts as exactly what it is:  a different place in time.  It doesn't make us forget, but with a little help from your friends here, you can find the courage and ability to move on in a different journey in our life and still have quality of that life. 

Glad you're here! 

Warmest thoughts to you.

Warmest of welcomes to you, Tillie...

You'll find you're in good company here on this site.  I am so sorry to hear of your heartbreak with your family.  The important thing is, you have now refused to accept anymore abuse.  Any more visits, should they occur, can be made clear it will be with respect only or not at all.  I love that you have decided to self-preserve.  Our big loving hearts does not make us door mats.  I like to say do not mistake my kindness for one.  Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy life the best you can.  It took a long time for me to learn that one.  But at least we learn it...even if the hard way. 

Congratulations!  How very exciting and new....just like Spring!  Best wishes for a blessed life for you and your new grandson!

luise,  I am so touched by the prayer you sang to your beloved at his bedside and certain he heard it by his squeezing your hand.  What a wonderful gift to be able to "walk him home."  That is about the nearest to heaven you can get on this side of it.  What a beautiful ending (at least in this world) to a beautiful love story.  BUT, the heart goes on..... 

ok, so I see I missed the boat in my absence and luise has lost her beloved....I am so sorry.  I know that in your heart of hearts, yours are still together.....the heart does go on as the song (Celine Dion) says.  I believe this to be true.  Hugs and love to you, luise.

Wishing you abundant blessings, luise, on your new journey without your husband present in this world.  I agree, he is with you and you with him even though absent from sight.  I hope you are blessed with comfort and peace of a beautiful marriage of 2 young hearts and a life well spent together. 

Well, I lost my log info it took me a sec to get back to the wwu fam....

I marked your birthday on my calendar and I know it was the 9th.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the wisest of women! 
I have been gone a while and lots has happened, but I did purchase a ring that reminds me of all my friends here and just because I have been absent, doesn't mean I think of you all the time.  How can I not......you and the others were there for me during my darkest moments of motherhood. 

I hope you had a very happy birthday.  I haven't had time to check all the posts because I really wanted to wish you a happy birthday first ....I did see one where Val may not be doing well.  I am so sorry to hear.  You are in my thoughts luise volta.

Welcome Deb58,

Sometimes we find other WW here that can totally relate in some way to us and our personal situation.  momnomore saw herself in your post and encouraged you.  I have had that happen to me with another WW.  I can tell you you're not alone here as many of us feel your pain, literally.  Many of us (me included) accidentally stumbled on this sight when we were right in the midst of the deepest pain we know. 

Keep posting to get it out and it will be a tremendous help, I hope, to just be heard by WW who really get you. 

We have to reel ourselves in from time to time from our own hopes and dreams of what we thought our relationships would be with our AC.  I find that, for me, my expectations don't get met because they're my expectations of another adult, even if it is our AC.  We have to lower them somehow and let go of this "fantasy".  Nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your AC, and especially some alone time with your DD.  It's hurtful to try to do that only to be rebutted.  I have felt those emotions too trying to spend quality alone time with my DD....it just doesn't happen like that.  IMHO, I just take what I can get and the rest is what it is.  I've had to work on this and still am.  Just tonight I felt a little twinge as I wanted my GD last night but DD said she missed her and wanted her home.....I was totally fine and understanding with that as it is natural.  Then I learned this a.m. my little GD went with my SIL's aunt first thing this a.m.....I did good and kept my mouth shut and carried on as if nothing happened but it did bother me for a minute.  Then I came to my senses and let it go.  I was busy with other things anyway, but it was the thought of it.   

I'm getting better with finding my own thing to do, but it's an adjustment after all those years but you can do it, Deb58,  You really can.  I liked all the posts, but luise had a good take on it, I believe. 

Learning to let go (I'm not saying completely here) will only be healthy for you and maybe take the edge off some of those emotions you're having.  It does take practice but you're in good company here and we can always listen.

Warm thoughts to you Deb.

awesome, constantmargaret.

sidebar to luise:  I'm sorry your family is having to go through this with your ex and sorry for your ex's condition.  You're also a nurse so that jumping in there and wanting to help is just what comes naturally.  But, at least you're seeing there are others who are there and capable.  Still, sad situation. 

constantmargaret,

Thank you for that one!!! I'm going to print it and put it on my bathroom mirror so I can see it several times a day....maybe even in my car.