WiseWomenUnite.com

Indeed i shall. If only to shed a guys perspective on things. Not to say that i speak for all men but i think to have a great many perspectives will help any person posting; be it a MIL or a DIL. Obviously it is a site for women to share stories but this site and its posts have helped me a lot as i realised i was not crazy in thinking what i was experiencing in my relationship was wrong. So i feel if there is something i can give in return for the advice i received from the posts then i would like to help.

the last year was the worst of my life in terms of accepting the road i had to walk down (divorce). it wasn't the outcome either of us had wanted but sometimes things are not meant to be. This site helped me understand that what i was asking for was not wrong and that i should not feel guilty asking for it as a husband.

was meant to say "Sorry"

My typing is a disgrace

sort that was meant to read

"I guess me and my ex-wife are lucky that children were not involved."

I guess me and my ex-wife are lucky that children involved. She has a good heart and deep down i think she knew something wasn't right with us hence reluctance on both are parts to have children. i think every situation is unique even though sometimes the overall nature of the people involved can be similar.

i think in this "me" generation the focus on oneself often leads to these types of situations. I believe over time there hasn't really been a change in attitude in the way men are raised by their families but a lot of women have much stronger attitudes now than previous generations. a sort of "no one can tell me what to do" attitude. So in effect the balance in a relationship nowadays slants towards the women ruling the house. Obviously this is not the case all the time but i see a sort of trend along these lines. This is why i see so many guys just going with the flow. but let me tell you all this. All guys have a line  with a limit on what they will accept and once it is crossed it can be very difficult to regain that trust. My folks were more like my friends than my parents and i suppose it led to jealousy from my wife as her relationship with her parents was not like this.

i guess she felt threatened by it when all i wanted was for them and her to be friends too. anything positive that she did would be grabbed and cherished with us all believing that things would now be different.

the truth is that we cannot change people. they must do it themselves, but that rarely happens. i used to treat my inlaws no different to my parents. But when i realised this would never be reciprocated by my wife all i wanted was to get even. that was wrong to do, i should have been a bigger man but i wanted to let her know the pain i was feeling so i stopped bothering with her folks. It didn't make a difference as her folks had their own DS and DIL living with them. double standards.

i guess what a lot of people are going through on this site is the pain of letting go of family in the knowledge that a lot of the time they really haven't done anything wrong to have to go through this. I also believe that DILS cannot be held fully accountable. Us men need to accept our responsibilities to. Yes we have responsibilities our wives but they do not include cutting of family for the sake of pleasing the wife. i do understand there are dysfunctional families out there that we need to keep a distance from but the majority of the time it is not the case.

Ladies one quick thing after re reading my post i want to make clear that i am not generalising against all DIL's. Believe me the reason i finished it was that looking around at my friends who were married i could see that a lot are not like this and that is when i realised i should not have to accept this type of treatment. I have seen a fair share of nutty MIL's as well and my ex-MIL was unfortunately neurotic. I hold her heavily accountable for giving my ex-wife the bad characteristics she had and developed over time. My ex-MIL totally dominated and destroyed my ex-FIL with her behaviour and treatment of him (he was a very soft and gentle person). I believe this is what my wife understood married life to be like. She didn't know any better i guess even though i tried to make her understand.
   

I have shared this site with a lot of friends and it is sad that so many of them identify with the stories on here.

I have been visiting this site for a while now reading all the posts. Its a great site to help people going through problems and provide support at a very difficult time in their lives.

My situation is that i have divorced my wife.
when we met We fell in love and i hope that i would be able to give her everything she would want and more. unfortunately like a lot of the DIL's you all talk about there was a specific was she wanted her married life to be and it did not include my FOO no matter how much they tried. They all wanted to love her and be a part of her life. They left us to it as they realised she did not see them as being part of her life. Not wanting them to come round our place. Not wanting to go there and when i forced them to come to my house she would act in a way to ensure they knew she did not want them there.

i looked to her parents for support and got nothing. they wanted me to do whatever she wanted and justified her behaviour.

This broke my heart. So many guys out there accept this as the norm. I honestly felt like i was betraying people i loved by letting this go on. I loved her and i loved them. I had to choose. i was forced to. 

If a person really loved me surely they would not put me in that position. My FOO had cut me loose as they did not want me to choose as they believed that she should be the priority.

I was only married for 4 years and am quite successful professionally. I work in a fortune 500 company and lead a large team of strong individuals. The reason i am stating this is that as i think of this i realise in my own home i could not be the man of the house. How crazy is that. the smallest decisions needed her approval. i got more respect from people twice my age and a lot more powerful at work than i did in my own home where i had to get approval before inviting anyone round. All the things she liked about me are what she wanted to change afterwards.

But this caused resentment to build up between me and my wife. i guess this generation is very self centred. Being this way can only bring more misery.

Anyway the reason i am posting is to share my story and also say that if you all want a guys perspective i am here. I don't know how much i can help but i would like to.

I often speak to my parents about how the young women of this generation seriously lack respect that previous generations maintained. i get angry. not at these DIL's but at their parents for raising them in such a way that they have this sense of entitlement and my way or the highway attitude.

What goes around comes around and i am sure that they would not wish to have DIL's like the daughters they have raised.

sorry if i am rambling