I've tried staying out of it, keeping my mouth shut, not offering advice (ever), but she is not getting better. There's been a big blowup over a cell phone conversation on my GD's cell phone. Cell phone is paid for by my other AD and rules were keep grades up, behave, turn over the cell phone at 8:30, and cell phone, including texts, were not private and could be read at any time by any adult. Messages were found calling niece of DIL a "butch." Problems over the two years they've all lived together have culminated in this. These girls are 11 years old and in 6th grade.
The entire situation has morphed into a big family fight. AD is tired of being a single mom. She has no job skills and works a low paying job. I am of the opinion that she has chosen 1) to not improve her job skills when she had a chance, or even now; (long standing differences as to no high school diploma, or GED, which she says she has failed the test for twice); 2) stay married to a convicted felon (he's in prison); 3) allowing him to send letters to my 11 year old GD, and even taking her to see him a couple of times; 4) allow my 18 year old GS to not get very needed help in school, which now has resulted in him not being able to graduate in June 2016; 5) insist that her business be "private" unless she's desperate for money, 6) participating and encouraging a 6th grader's (my GD) hatred toward another girl, and on and on. My AS and DIL and my other AD have been supportive too but this still is not good enough for her. I am at a loss as to what to do, if anything. My inclination is to just stay out of it, but is that the right thing to do? She accused me of not "taking her side" and she infers that we thwart her authority with her children. It's just gotten ridiculous and I fear she will have a melt down and then what? What about my dear grandchildren? They witness this every day and it breaks my heart.