A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets
into
the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing.
You're just like Frank."
Passenger: 'Who?'
Cabbie: " Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the
time.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things
happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won
the
Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the
pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and
you
should have heard him play the piano. He was an
amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer. He remembered
everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which
foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything.
Not
like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street
blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid
traffic
jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in
them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to
treat a
woman and make her feel good. He would never
answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was
always
immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the
perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to
Frank
Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died..... I'm married to
his
widow."
Nuther great one: NOTES FOUND ON THE FRIDGE;
Muffy
My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset I shall be home before midnight.
When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.
As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
Ha! Haven't seen an old Sophie Tucker joke for a long time.
Hehe!
Christmas Cookie Recipe:
Christmas Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
3 cups flour
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest
quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup ...just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit - pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon
juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash
the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTMAS
That's so cute, Coco...
That's so cute, Coco~~
LOL - perhaps oldies, but definitely goodies. I needed a chuckle!
HEY! I made those cookies....got the kitchen redecorated in the process too.
HAHAHA! Thanks Orly! I've never really made them, but it sounds like a good idea! I need my kitchen re-done too!