March 28, 2024, 03:48:42 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - womaninbloom

1
Yes, the thread can be closed.  Thank you!
2
Thank you all for your replies and for some very good advice.  I never had a sister and I have many close friends who do have sisters so I was hoping to have a SIL to share family life over holiday get togethers but also for all the stuff in between.  I thought when they had their children that we could share more but that never happened.  Anyway, since writing my original message my heart felt heavy and so I decided to open up to my DB and we talked about how we could stay better connected during these busy years.  We had a good conversation and I was proud of myself that the conversation had nothing to do with my relationship with my SIL.  I realize I can not "create" closeness and that I can only change the way I look at the situation.  I have to change my " I want to fix everything attitude" .  I agree with Pen that it is hard to maintain a relationship with a male relative when the spouse is not interested.  I will continue to try and foster my relationship with my DB and try not to allow my SIL feelings to get hurt along the way!
3
I am new to this site and have so appreciated reading the blogs.  The women on this site are so supportive.  It is refreshing. 

I searched this site for some advice and tips on how to connect with my sister in law and I have not been able to find any blogs related to this topic.  Am I missing it?

I have 1 brother, he is 5 years younger than me and we have always been close through the years.  He married his high school sweetheart who is about 8 years younger than me but who I obviously have known for a long time.  I was away at college when they started to date so I never really saw her much in the early years.  They have been married for 15 years now with 3 children and each year I hope that I can somehow connect with her.  We are cordial with each other and respectful however there is always a feeling of disconnect.  I admit I had hoped she would be "the sister I never had" however obviously by now it seems like we will be family but not real friends.  I wish I could say that my brother and I are just as close however we are not.  We love each other dearly and he is a wonderful man and father however the distance that has been placed between our families has begun to take it's toll.

I would love to have some advice on how to more forward.  I do not want to look back at things and events I can not change.  I realize I can not change my sister in law however I would love at some point to learn how to find more of a friendship.  I am willing to change my reaction to this situation however I have just run out of ideas and to be honest, I am getting tired of trying.  Obviously things could be worse and I may just need to accept the relationship as it is which is not horrible however now it is affecting my relationship with my brother and my parents and can't let that happen.