I enjoy my grandchildren, but knew that spending time hearing that tone (in addition to dealing with ongoing rudeness to me) would compel me to become uncorked, and it seemed wiser to remove myself- it's his home, and my daughter's choice to put up with it. So, I only visited when he wasn't there.
Nonetheless, he insisted on "laying the cards on the table", so I did.
Now, much to my daughters dismay, he now refuses to let me see the kids, despite agreeing that I am a great grandmother.
I am finding myself getting annoyed with my daughter for her inaction, but am aware of a serious control issue going on, and don't want to cause her further distress by complaining about it. I fear his actions toward her when no one is around.
I provided a (fake) apology to him, to get rid of this nonsensical banishment, but he remains unmoved.
I'm lucky to get along well with my ex (their grandfather), so he makes sure that we (grands and I) have weekly contact, including me in their outings, and has made clear that this behavior on the part of my son in law is reprehensible.
Still, I worry for my daughter, and wonder what on earth kind of person would use their own kids to "punish" a beloved gramma. Makes no sense- I have no history of intrusion, just chose to keep a distance from him.