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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Nana

1

Dear Wise-Women
Today my son and dil came home with my three grandchildren. So my two eldest 3 and 5 were playing and my 3-year old granddaugher accidentally hit my 5-year old grandson.  She said I am sorry, and my grandson said "Ï dont forgive you".   So we were all together in the living room.  I said to dil " gd said she was sorry and gs said he did not forgive her (said it in a joking way).  She turned towards me and said (in a very serious mode) "Ï cannot reprimand son because sometimes its the other way around and daughter says No when son apologizes to her".   I just shut my mouth....well no, I actually said "ökey" lol. 

I wonder now.....did I do the correct thing?     I really think that two wrongs dont make a right one. 

I really dont have now problems with dil....but I hate not being able to debate or express an opinion.  I think that maybe she was not in a good mood.   Oh Well.   

Love 

2
Grandchildren / Confused and sad
October 15, 2011, 06:39:51 PM
I had my babysitting day during the weekdays.  I havent seen my gc since last Sunday.  I saw my gd's arm and I saw a bite on my gd's arm (she is only 3).  I asked "Honey, what happened to you on your arm...who bite you?" She said "A boy in school".  She even gave me a name.  So I asked "Did it hurt? Did you cry?  What did you do? "
She said Ï push him"".  So I just gave her a kiss in the bite.    A little later, I said to my gs "Did you see what happened to your sis in school?, And to my surprise he said.... Yes my Mom Bit her because she hurt me on my chess and it got red.   So dear ladies...I was and am in shock....  My dil bit her?  I would have never imagined that could happened.  I just know I never did such a thing to my children.  I cannot judge her (and I am doing so) but ir hurt me to the core.   Then a relative came by and asked her what happened in her arm and she repeated Ä boy in school did it.    I feel so depressed.  I told my husband and it was a mistake to do so.  He wanted to call my son and asked him about it.  I beg for him not to do it.  I know things will get bad and the good relationship we have now will vanish and I have everything to lose.  My grandchildren are my drive. 

I am sure of it now because when that was happening my dil called to see how the children where .  This grandaugher asked me to speak to her and she said to her Mom "Mommy, remember when you bit me?  I dont know what she answered but grandaughter asked again "When will the bite vanish Mommy?  Dil know I was beside her.   

Now I know that dil knows I know.  I cant do nothing about it.  I know this is not her style.  I know that maybe she just lost it and is regretting it   Eveyone has the right to make a mistake dont you think so?  My husband things I am a coward....and probably  I am but have everything to lose if I confront her. 

Help ladies.....  I want to think that this is not a big deal....is it?

Love you all

3
Grab Bag / Granddaughter had a bad day
July 01, 2011, 01:31:02 AM
I was waiting for dil to come bring my gc because I had been asked to babysit.  When they arrived, my granddaughter (only 3) was crying.  She had just fallen in her other gmom's house and had fracture 2 teeth.  She had her lips swollen as well.  Her eyes were really red because of the crying.  I felt I wanted to cry too.  I was so sad.....  She wanted to stay with me but she would cry for almost anything.   I wished I had been the one who had fallen down..... At the end of the day....her mom came to pick them up and gd looked terrible.   I am very silly I know, but I feel depressed.....  Tomorrow (Friday) is the official day that I babysit....so they will be coming back very early.   

Hope tomorrow will be a better day.   just venting sorry.
4
Grab Bag / Awesome T-shirt for babies
March 14, 2011, 02:41:33 PM


I saw a t-shirt on a toddler that said:

Mom's having a bad day. Call 1-800- GRANDMA 

Cute, isn't it?

Love
           
5
Grandchildren / Baby Girl was born
January 31, 2011, 03:08:06 AM
Hellow -Beautiful Ladies

I just wanted to share that my third granddaughter was born on January 19th.  She is very healthy and I see her beautiful.  /she weight 8.600 lbs.  So she is now 12 days old.  Her brother 4 and her sister almost 3 are very happy with their baby sister.  They are all over her,  My dil is also doing good.  I was delighted because she asked me to watch over the baby  so she could take the other two kids to a Birthday Party.    I enjoyed it. Cant believe how dil has changed (positively).   

Love for you all.


Didnt have computer for over 3 weeks.  I have missed you a lot.     

6
Ladies

I want to share the news that I am having my third grandchild by mid January.  We threw a baby shower for dil yesterday.  It was so nice.  Its going to be another girl.  We now have Alex, Mariela and Daniela is on her way.   Cant wait...I am so excited. 

My dil mentioned in the baby shower that thanks to her mom and I, she had made it through with her kids.  That she was a very lucky ladies to have us.   How things change for me.
Ladies dont lose hope.  Things were terrible when my dil/son had their first baby.  Things do change and I believe even in miracles. 

I hope things do change for you who are having problems.  God (or life) acts in mysterious ways.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas and that peace and health be present with you this Christmas Season and always.

Love
7
Grab Bag / Hope
November 12, 2010, 02:45:32 AM
I share

Never deprive a person from hope....might be the only thing he has left.
Unknow author

Love
8
Ladies I will share this article that was forwarded to me in my hotmail. 
  The article was in spanish so I translated as best as I could.   


The New Generation of Parents
Striking Truth!


We were the first generation decided not to repeat the same mistakes our parents did.  And in an effort to dissipate past abuses, we are the most dedicated and understanding; but also the weakest and most  insecure parents that history has witnessed.

The seriousness of this matter  is that we are dealing with the most powerful, belligerent and disrespectful children that ever existed..

In our intent to be better parents, we went from one extreme to another. 

So now, we (parents) are the last children reprimanded by our parents, and the first generation reprimanded by our children.  The last parents that were afraid of our parents, and the first that fear our children.  The last that were raised under our parents command, and the first that live under our children's disposition..

What makes matters worse is that we were the last generation that respected our parents and  the first generation that accepts that our children don't respect us.

To the extent that permissiveness substituted authority, the terms of family relationships have changed in a radical way, for better or for worse.

Indeed, way back, good parents where those whose children behaved, obey orders and had respect.  While good children where those children that were formal and that worship their parents.

But to the extent in which Hierarchical boundaries between parents and our children have vanished, now good parents are those parents whose children love them but little do they respect them. 
And these are the children that now expect respect from their parents, understanding of their ideas, likes and dislike, lifestyle --- and also expect to be sponsored and supported by parents to meet their goals.

In other words, the roles were inverted – parents have to please their children if they want to have their children's love ---not the other way around.

These explains the effort so many parents make to be their children's best friends; and to be seen by them as "cool".

It is said that the extremes met, and   the abusive authority  of the past filled our children with fear, but they disdain weak parents for being as lost as they are. 



Our children need to feel that during childhood we are the heads of their lives....leaders capable of supporting them when they are about to fall and to guide them when they don't know the way.

It is true that abuse of authority crushes them but permissiveness drowns them.



What do you think?  Does this fit you?

Anonymous...

9
Grab Bag / A Card for Grandma (Nana)
September 28, 2010, 10:06:19 PM


My grandchildren gave me a card  last Christmas (that my dd bought for them to give me)
that I loved:  It reads......

Ever since I can remember, you've been an awesome NANA....
and I bet you were Awesome even before that, too. 
I just wasn't around to enjoy it!  Merry Christmas


I just loved that card.


This kind of cards lifts our spirit
10
Grab Bag / How the system works
August 30, 2010, 01:19:46 AM
Just want to vent with you what I went through this last Friday.

My 4-year grandson goes to a school in Mexico (border to US).  He is an American Citizen but they are living in Mexico.  So I get to babysit him on Fridays.  When I was suppose to pick him at school at 12 P.M. on my way I ran over a man on his motorcycle.  I immediately stop and fortunately the man was only hurt.  He had his leg fractured.  The police came and the ambulance took him to the hospital.  I called my husband and he had to cross the border and came to help me out.  The insurance company was advised and we assure the relatives of the victim that we would pay for everything and I asked him to forgive me for not seeing him and hitting him. 

So of course, I was taken to the police department for paperwork and all those procedures.  Little did I know that the laws had changed (two weeks ago) and that I was going to be deprived of my freedom.  They read my rights to remain silent.....and bla bla.  And so I was encarcelated.  We could not pay a bond (DONT KNOW WHY) or anything could be done.  I had a right to an attorney but in the mean time I was put in jail.  I remained encarcelated from 1 Pm to 12 a.m.  It was 120 degree AND NO AIR CONDITIONER so I was almost fainting there.  Noone could help me in an immediate way.  I was treated as a criminal.  My fingerprints were taken.  They checked me out physically.  I was behind bars and had no right to have anything to eat .  My husband knew a police there so she bought me a sandwihch.  The cell was filthy, vomited and you name it.  The person I hit had not pressed charged against me.    I couldnt understand what was happening.  After they were able to take me out I was in a newvous breakdown.  I was brought home and had to drink medicine to calm  me down.  I couldnt stop crying and shivering.  I was dehidrated.  I slept since until this Sunday at 9PM. 

aLL THIS HAPPENED to me because I has the misfortune of having an accident.  I cannot digest all this that has happened.  I really feel that I cannot be the same person ever after all that was done to me.  I cannot describe everything that happened to me there.  I just feel that I dont want to be a good person anymore.  I feel I want to get back to all this people who were "just doing their work".  I am angry...very angry....How can people make you lose your dignity just over an accident that wasnt a very serious one. 

I have not been able to laugh or smile....after all these.  My family supports me but they just want me to put all this behind as if nothing had happened.  It did affected me tremendously.  All the time I was sleeping I had nightmares.  I cant think in anything else.

Okey Ladies I vent......forgive me all my bitterness....dont even reply to this post.  Just needed to vent with someone that is not family.   

Life is not fair....you bet!  All those criminals in the streets  and there I was .





11
My two grandchildren dont eat candy at all.  They can eat a little peace of cake on birthdays (not chocolate).  Once in a while they can have an icycle or similar.  It is my dil decisions (my son sometimes gets into a fight with her in regard to this matter).  I respect her decisions but sometimes it breaks my heart because when they see a candy they beg me to give it to them.  (Grandson is 3 and granddaughter is 2).   On Fridays I take him to school and pick him us.  For Valentine's day he came from school with a huge bag of candies they gave him at school.  He asked me if he could eat only one lollipo and I told him that he knew that he didnt eat candy?  He started crying and crying and as I was driving I had tears in my eyes.  I finally said yes....and the other little one demanded one for herself.  So there I go.  You should have seen how slowly and quietly they ate all their lollipop (you could see their enjoyment).    I did tell their mommy what had happened and told her how grandson had beg and that I did not have the heart to deny him that so that I would take any scoulding.    She did not get mad  because it was something I never do, but I know this is becoming very difficult for me to control. 

I will continue to do what mommy wants but do you think this can go on forever?    Do you think it is normal?  Do other mothers do this also?
I agree that Children do not need to eat candy a lot but how can this affect the children when they see that they are the only ones that cannot eat junk.    Thanks for listening (I feel better).