Show posts
First of all, I am hoping to find some kind of support here and maybe insight from others who may have gone through or going through what I have. So in advance thank you.
My story may be long, but it is what it is.
My daughter turned 19 in September. Since the age of 12 she would get in trouble at school. I used to get called in all of the time. There was a girl at school named Jenny who used to bully her and this made it difficult. She was doing things at home like stealing and lying. Then she stole someone's boots at school. I had to pay for them and she had to do community service. I along with her.
She started to see a mental health therapist who diagnosed her with oppositional defiance disorder. She told me that as she got older she may grow out of it but she never did. After a while we stopped seeing the therapist as she would get upset with my daughter during sessions where it became too much for her and she pretty much wished me luck.
As she got older each year things seemed to get worse. More trouble at school. Turned out she became friends with her bully and seemed to always get in trouble with her. Jenny would tell her that we didn't care about her and would encourage her to run away several times. During her senior year I found out she was smoking pot. My smoke alarms at home went off and i saw she had a towel stuffed under her door. She went to school and later that day was suspended from school from smoking pot with Jenny on the school grounds. So getting caught didn't even make her feel any kind of way. She was facing expulsion and I put her in a rehab program. She went for 6 months to a group meeting Saturdays from 2-3. I drove her there. So this was my sentence too.
In June 2015 she tested clean. She graduate HS by the skin of her teeth. Because of all of the stresses she put us through we decided not to buy her a car as we did for our son when he graduated the year prior. She needed to earn it. So that summer she worked and I enrolled her in community college. Her brother was attending the same school so he would driver her. She complained she wanted to drive and have her own car. We tested her for pot and she came up positive again. I told her as long as she smokes pot that would never happen.
She didn't argue much anymore about it but she would do other things at home to upset us. She'd come home later than we asked her to. Then one night in January of this year she lied to us saying she would be with friends in the city and she disappeared. Her friends said they weren't with her and she would not return our calls or texts. We were worried and called the police the next day when she didn't come home. She eventually came home that morning with some story that we didn't believe. Crocodile tears telling us that her friends father tried to sexually assault her. I told her if she felt like she was in danger why didn't she use her phone and call for help? this would be the beginning of more times that she would lie and just leave our home.
After the second semester ended my daughter sad she wanted to go a different route. She wanted to be an esthetician. I had no issues with this and helped her look into programs. We were considering enrolling her in September. Prior to her birthday we had planed a family trip. We allowed our kids to choose the location. They chose Cancun. They were excited. A week before we would go she left again. No reason and then suggested if she did go she would have to keep away from us and do her own thing. This upset me and I just cancelled her ticket altogether. She was staying with her friend Jenny and her family. I went over to talk to Jenny's mother but she wasn't your typical concerned parent. I felt that as long as my D could pay her a rent it was all good.
When we got back from our trip my D wanted to talk to us. She asked to come home. Said things would change. She got another cell phone as she sad she did not want us tracking her. I told her that I was ok that she wanted to be responsible for her own phone. However living here means answering your phone and letting us know where you are. She said she wanted to work her way to enrolling in school and getting a car. In November we enrolled her in school. The start date was December 5th. The weekend of Thanksgiving we bought her a car. We gave it to her with restrictions. To use only for school and work. She was supposed to test clean for pot if she wanted full possession. Then she dropped a bomb on us that she had quit her job but insisted she had interviewed and would be starting another one at a bakery.
The first day of school she was asked to see a doctor. She had ringworm on her face and the director said she couldn't come back until it cleared. My D was upset and had a note that excused her for 3 days. During the days she couldn't go to school she told us she'd be working, however I couldn't believe that they would allow her to work with a fungus on her face. When my husband went to check on her it turned out she was lying. She had taken the car and disappeared. Didn't return our call or texts. We were worrying all night. Checked her room for clues. Found out she had a pet guinea pig she never told us about. She came home at 6:00am the next day and put 270 miles on the car.
She had no remorse. She was more upset because we told her she couldn't use the car. She even suggested being grounded. She asked about school and my H said he'd drive her. which i thought wouldn't work as he works evenings and he'd be too tired. She was not happy about that idea but he took her to school that day. That afternoon she face timed me saying she had someone who take the guinea pig. I told her to have the person come get it but she said she'd need to take it. I told her I'd take her since she is not allowed to go anywhere because of what she did. But she said she had to take care of business and was not doing that. Long story short she left and has not come back home.
She has broken me emotionally and financially. I don't know what else to say or do. She went to her friend Jenny's house again but I found out her family didn't care for the in and out behavior. I have since withdrawn her from school, packed her room up and have most of her belongings in my basement, and have the car I bought sitting on my driveway. I gave her till the end of February to get her things or they get donated. She came by for Christmas to collect gifts and was even disappointed that I didn't get her what she wanted, meanwhile I saw she had new clothes, hair done, nails done and didn't bring me anything.
I haven't spoken to her since Christmas eve. I have found out she spends her time with friends drinking and smoking in hotels around the state. I am beyond disappointed. I have been through so much with her. The disrespect, lack of remorse and insight is unbelievable. She has crossed every boundary imaginable. I am trying to stay sane. I really don't want to speak to her and at the same time am trying to keep healthy boundaries. I refuse to do anything else for her. I cant believe she is this way or that I gave birth to someone like this. I remember telling her once how my mom had nothing and I would always do anything and everything to make her proud. I would never speak to her the way she does me. Her answer was "I'm not you".
Just a sad situation. Any feedback and support is welcome. I really need virtual hugs right now.
My story may be long, but it is what it is.
My daughter turned 19 in September. Since the age of 12 she would get in trouble at school. I used to get called in all of the time. There was a girl at school named Jenny who used to bully her and this made it difficult. She was doing things at home like stealing and lying. Then she stole someone's boots at school. I had to pay for them and she had to do community service. I along with her.
She started to see a mental health therapist who diagnosed her with oppositional defiance disorder. She told me that as she got older she may grow out of it but she never did. After a while we stopped seeing the therapist as she would get upset with my daughter during sessions where it became too much for her and she pretty much wished me luck.
As she got older each year things seemed to get worse. More trouble at school. Turned out she became friends with her bully and seemed to always get in trouble with her. Jenny would tell her that we didn't care about her and would encourage her to run away several times. During her senior year I found out she was smoking pot. My smoke alarms at home went off and i saw she had a towel stuffed under her door. She went to school and later that day was suspended from school from smoking pot with Jenny on the school grounds. So getting caught didn't even make her feel any kind of way. She was facing expulsion and I put her in a rehab program. She went for 6 months to a group meeting Saturdays from 2-3. I drove her there. So this was my sentence too.
In June 2015 she tested clean. She graduate HS by the skin of her teeth. Because of all of the stresses she put us through we decided not to buy her a car as we did for our son when he graduated the year prior. She needed to earn it. So that summer she worked and I enrolled her in community college. Her brother was attending the same school so he would driver her. She complained she wanted to drive and have her own car. We tested her for pot and she came up positive again. I told her as long as she smokes pot that would never happen.
She didn't argue much anymore about it but she would do other things at home to upset us. She'd come home later than we asked her to. Then one night in January of this year she lied to us saying she would be with friends in the city and she disappeared. Her friends said they weren't with her and she would not return our calls or texts. We were worried and called the police the next day when she didn't come home. She eventually came home that morning with some story that we didn't believe. Crocodile tears telling us that her friends father tried to sexually assault her. I told her if she felt like she was in danger why didn't she use her phone and call for help? this would be the beginning of more times that she would lie and just leave our home.
After the second semester ended my daughter sad she wanted to go a different route. She wanted to be an esthetician. I had no issues with this and helped her look into programs. We were considering enrolling her in September. Prior to her birthday we had planed a family trip. We allowed our kids to choose the location. They chose Cancun. They were excited. A week before we would go she left again. No reason and then suggested if she did go she would have to keep away from us and do her own thing. This upset me and I just cancelled her ticket altogether. She was staying with her friend Jenny and her family. I went over to talk to Jenny's mother but she wasn't your typical concerned parent. I felt that as long as my D could pay her a rent it was all good.
When we got back from our trip my D wanted to talk to us. She asked to come home. Said things would change. She got another cell phone as she sad she did not want us tracking her. I told her that I was ok that she wanted to be responsible for her own phone. However living here means answering your phone and letting us know where you are. She said she wanted to work her way to enrolling in school and getting a car. In November we enrolled her in school. The start date was December 5th. The weekend of Thanksgiving we bought her a car. We gave it to her with restrictions. To use only for school and work. She was supposed to test clean for pot if she wanted full possession. Then she dropped a bomb on us that she had quit her job but insisted she had interviewed and would be starting another one at a bakery.
The first day of school she was asked to see a doctor. She had ringworm on her face and the director said she couldn't come back until it cleared. My D was upset and had a note that excused her for 3 days. During the days she couldn't go to school she told us she'd be working, however I couldn't believe that they would allow her to work with a fungus on her face. When my husband went to check on her it turned out she was lying. She had taken the car and disappeared. Didn't return our call or texts. We were worrying all night. Checked her room for clues. Found out she had a pet guinea pig she never told us about. She came home at 6:00am the next day and put 270 miles on the car.
She had no remorse. She was more upset because we told her she couldn't use the car. She even suggested being grounded. She asked about school and my H said he'd drive her. which i thought wouldn't work as he works evenings and he'd be too tired. She was not happy about that idea but he took her to school that day. That afternoon she face timed me saying she had someone who take the guinea pig. I told her to have the person come get it but she said she'd need to take it. I told her I'd take her since she is not allowed to go anywhere because of what she did. But she said she had to take care of business and was not doing that. Long story short she left and has not come back home.
She has broken me emotionally and financially. I don't know what else to say or do. She went to her friend Jenny's house again but I found out her family didn't care for the in and out behavior. I have since withdrawn her from school, packed her room up and have most of her belongings in my basement, and have the car I bought sitting on my driveway. I gave her till the end of February to get her things or they get donated. She came by for Christmas to collect gifts and was even disappointed that I didn't get her what she wanted, meanwhile I saw she had new clothes, hair done, nails done and didn't bring me anything.
I haven't spoken to her since Christmas eve. I have found out she spends her time with friends drinking and smoking in hotels around the state. I am beyond disappointed. I have been through so much with her. The disrespect, lack of remorse and insight is unbelievable. She has crossed every boundary imaginable. I am trying to stay sane. I really don't want to speak to her and at the same time am trying to keep healthy boundaries. I refuse to do anything else for her. I cant believe she is this way or that I gave birth to someone like this. I remember telling her once how my mom had nothing and I would always do anything and everything to make her proud. I would never speak to her the way she does me. Her answer was "I'm not you".
Just a sad situation. Any feedback and support is welcome. I really need virtual hugs right now.