This is what happened: maybe some of you can help me understand it. A friend of our Sons and DILs had his Mom and Dad in from out of state for Thanksgiving.
She seemed forgetful, also she seemed depressed. She slept a lot of the time....Background: the last time she came here she got the flu and was sick the entire time, which wasn't long ago.
So this time the son said to his Mom: "Listen, the next time you come here, come happy or don't come at all".
She didn't react like I would, collapse and die, she said, "how dare you talk to me that way!"
I don't know all of their dynamics but I do know enough to know that her Mother, the DILs mother is someone neither one of them ever want to be around. She's kind of an uncommunicative and hard to get along with person but they don't say anything to her.
I was wondering how you would feel if this was said to you as a Mother or if it was said to your Mother?
Wow. Talk about the wrong way to solve a problem. I wouldn't be happy hearing it either way. But if this is an old habit, or mom's way of getting attention, I wouldn't exactly blame people for being fed up with it. If it's new behavior, I think gentle suggestions about seeing a doctor would do a lot more good.
I don't know whether it's recent or not. It must be, though because I've not heard them talk about her like this before.
My husband said it was one of the most heartless things he's ever heard someone say to their Mother. At least she takes up for herself.
People can be heartless. Especially people who've never suffered real, debilitating depression before. Way too many people think it's just a little case of the blues, and look down on people who can't "snap out of it". :( I hope this poor woman gets some help for whatever's wrong!
when you back a bear into a corner, she's going to come out clawing
Wrong thing to say to her...and by the way, I'm wondering if she flew...? Reason being, when you fly, you usually do end up getting sick, b/c someone on the plane was sick and your breathing in recycled air....? Just a thought?
Creme
I also feel this pressure to always be on my game around DIL & DS these days. There's no allowance for having an "off" day or being under the weather, although when DIL is having cramps or is grumpy we are supposed to accept her behavior. It's like being the loser in high school or at the bottom of the pecking order, I feel. No matter how I behave or what I do, I'm going to get beat up and put down. I'm not in the "popular clique" aka her family.