Alanon for 6 years and counseling for three to cope with the x's daily drinking while we were married so i know i am sensitive about it. I mean i wont hear from my girls all year and ive stopped calling because they never answered but still i fool myself if i keep showing up it will get better. I mean we've been divorced almost 5 years how long are they going to blame me, he gave me no choice because when i told him i couldnt take his drinking anymore and wanted to leave he met with my kids and told them i was mentally ill and those stupid kids out of tohe house to college took his bait. I wantsobad to walk away but i adore my grandkids. As it is i have to make formal arrangements to see them and i drive 6 hours to do it. I have no intention of looking like their victim but i feel like e mailing them my feelings about their insinuation that i hit them . I asked.my son in front of them you know what he said "i dont remember being spanked but i dont remember not being spanked." He's afraid to rock the boat. I am hurting.