A really close friend called today almost in tears. I thought of course that something happened to one of her kids, grandkids, or possibly even her dog.... nope.. her husband came home and announced that he just retired. No notice.. no mentally working into it slowly... trying to adjust to suddenly having someone home 24/7. She said that the first day he asked her what she was cooking for lunch.. she announced that she had not cooked lunch in 20 years and she wasn't starting now.
It got me thinking... how do you adjust... I mean I'd love to have my dh home more but... not full time. I told my husband that Home Depot tool isle could be calling his name.
So has anyone here faced retirement and the adjustment?
I was single when I retired at age 60 and became a full-time RVer, so I didn't have any such issues. At 62, when Val and I married...we continued to be RVers for the next five years and we just split the work. I did all the driving and RV parking, leveling and hook ups and he got the meals and walked the dogs. ;D ;D ;D
My friend said when her husband retired, she was a little slow to catch on because she just loved having him home. But one day she sat him down and told him that he had retired but she hadn't. She was still doing all of the "unpaid domestic work that she had always done for her board and room." He asked her to list everything she did so they could split the work. When she did, he was totally appalled and took her on a one MONTH cruise! ;D ;D ;D
When they got home, he got her a housekeeper, so they could both retire! More ;D ;D ;D
From what I understand, you get twice the husband and half the money!!!!!!
Quote from: jill on February 23, 2011, 08:10:33 PM
From what I understand, you get twice the husband and half the money!!!!!!
LOL.. that's a good way to look at it
Luise, I sure hope that works for my girlfriend.. she was really seriously depressed today.
My Mom is always calling me asking if we have ANYTHING my Dad could do for us. Her exact words are usually along the lines of "Please, find him something and get him away from me for a while!" And she loves him! Lol.
It was a VERY BIG adjustment when my dh and I retired 5.5 years ago. He was also in the Air Force Reserves,so was usually
busy one weekend a month. We have flight benefits with the airlines he worked for and our vision has been to travel in retirement
which we both enjoy, but with much less income, its not as easy to take off for Greece for a month, which I'd love to do with him
as he has never been there. 8)
Luise, the rv life sounds like it could be quite interesting. We have a 24 ft travel trailer which we are still getting in the groove of using when the weather is good.
Ok Tara.. now I'm jealous... to retire and travel, eat great food.. drink wine on the beaches.. yes that would be a nice dream.. but my reality is to have my dh underfoot... I love when he's home (ok, not last weekend) but what I really love is when I can clean something and it stays clean for a few hours, and well that's not happening when he's home. And what would drive me batty would be the fact that he would get up in the morning and decided what MY day is going to entail.
My gf said that her husband every morning is making toast then heads to the family room with his toast and a jar of peanut butter and proceeds to eat and leave his peanut butter coated knife on the coffee table.. she swears that the paramedic will not question why the knife in his chest has peanut butter on it.
When we retire I know I'll need to have some alone time and some getaways without DH as I do now, but I also know he'll want me around 24/7. Perhaps he's hoping (?) we won't be able to afford girls and boys separate vacas in addition to together vacas so I'm going to make sure I stash some funds away ;) Spa weekend anyone? Surfing lessons in Costa Rica?
The dreaded peanut butter knife - I know it well.
Laurie, my dh is neater than me!!!
Pooh, costa rica? now we are talking
As you know, I'd been retired for two years when I married Val. He had been retired for 15 years. His idea of "retired" was to raise funds to build a clubhouse and pool where he lived and to take on the clerical end of his SILs catalytic stove business, which he had funded. When we married, I asked him if he wanted me to come on board or did he want to move on. He was dying to get out of the business but had too much invested. Easy! Write it off! :-)0 (Which we did.)
I told him before we married, which I had to do in a hurry because we had five lunches and tied the knot, that I had to have private time and wanted to make it clear that I would be gone for a week at least every month, alone in my motor home. Sometimes with my "sort of" daughter and sometimes not. He agreed. (He would have agreed to anything at that stage. ;) ) The first time I took off, he was in the pits of despair when I returned saying he felt like a widower again. OK, I got that. We negotiated and I agreed to put my motor home in a local camping club only 20 miles from the house, thus staying in touch and close by. That worked.
I also helped him learn that he was more than half a relationship...i.e: half a person. A novel concept to him after a 59-year symbiotic marriage to his high school sweetheart...but he saw it as healthy and attainable. He's quite a guy.
When we sold his place and got a new RV...I kept the old one and when we weren't on the road, which was just summers, I kept up my retreats. As his needs increased, they became only a weekends until he needed me to be with him 24/7.
When we traveled, we were in a very tiny space for months at a time but it worked just fine because we were focused, no sitting around home looking at each other. When that became our reality, about four years ago, I just sat with him to keep him company when he couldn't read any more or follow TV or conversations. However, my counseling Web-site took me out into the world when he was sleeping and eventually WWU broadened my horizons further.
There can be many stages to retirement. And it takes conscious thought to make sure it is as rewarding as possible all the way along. Now, I live alone in a HUD studio unit and visit Val every day but can't go far or be gone overnight. Lot of invitations but that's no realistic. Others would stand in for me but the "what ifs" keep me close. And you guys make it possible for that to not feel like confinement.
Sending love...
You're right Luise... there are many stages.. and if my gf can live past the first one I'm sure she'll have it made.
Costa Rica! La Cucaracha....La Cucaracha....I always wanted to learn to latin dance!
Come with me to Zumba! ;D
Yes, stages!!! DH and I are doing pretty good now, but then I traveled for work 2 months out of last year and went to india for 5 weeks LOL.
yeah Tara you might not be the good one to talk right now :)
really!
:) yep
Hmmm....after hearing all this, I am now re-thinking my next house. Maybe we should build. Two small cottages attached by a breezeway, so when we reach retirement, we each have our own place to go! ;D
Tara's approach with leaving the country occasionally would probably work too
No breezeway...a steel door!
Quote from: Pooh on February 25, 2011, 05:58:43 AM
Hmmm....after hearing all this, I am now re-thinking my next house. Maybe we should build. Two small cottages attached by a breezeway, so when we reach retirement, we each have our own place to go! ;D
My dream situation has always been adjoining condos, precisely so that we each can have our own space. And I agree with Louise - nice solid doors that lock! Togetherness is lovely, but I can't imagine being joined at the hip with a partner like I was with XH when we first were married.
Most of us were pretty dumb when we first married...
When Val passes, I might marry again but it would have to be two places. Yup! (I am still pretty but not as dumb.)
Yes Women!
separate space is essential YES Pooh, two attaching cottages, perfect.
Yes Elsieshaye, thats my vision too. I tell dh that we should buy the house next door
when the current person moves out and one of us live next door. He was surprised
at first but has gotten used to my thinking by now.
I love that you say you may marry again Luise. I went so many years w/o getting married
I kind of like it now. DH and I are celebrating our 10 year anniversary in May.
Hey, its snowing here. Is it snowing in Seattle area Luise?
Yes, it has been snowing. It isn't right now. We got 7 inches and it was 14 degrees last night.(And my Narcissus were in bloom!) One of my sort-of daughters lives 7 miles north of us and they got 10 inches.
My SIL and family were up at Whistler skiing and came home early. Yesterday they were skiing in 50 MPH winds and it was 7 below. The wind chill took it to something like 80 below and they just packed up 2 days early and came home.
Quote from: luise.volta on February 25, 2011, 07:10:06 PM
Yes, it has been snowing. It isn't right now. We got 7 inches and it was 14 degrees last night.(And my Narcissus were in bloom!) One of my sort-of daughters lives 7 miles north of us and they got 10 inches.
My SIL and family were up at Whistler skiing and came home early. Yesterday they were skiing in 50 MPH winds and it was 7 below. The wind chill took it to something like 80 below and they just packed up 2 days early and came home.
Are they Narcissusistiic Narcissus? no... really... what do they look like?
I would be (N.N.)if I were them...they are So cute! Perfect, little dwarf daffodils!!