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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Beth 2011

1
Hi Ladies,

I am approaching this year in a much better frame of mind than I have in the past.  Things are more or less the same but they are out of my control-so be it.  I am planning a dinner for a small group and I know we will also take care packages around again this year.  I am thinking positive which is hard when you have a lot of turkeys around!!!! ;) ;) ;)  I just can't believe that Thanksgiving is almost here!  I hope everyone here has a wonderful and peaceful Thanksgiving!  I am saying that just in case I don't get back here before Thanksgiving.  I am thankful to everyone here for the advice and time you take to listen and give feedback.  Ms. Luise, I am most thankful for you.   ;D ;D ;D  Happy Thanksgiving!  :)
2
A family member just showed me a short video of my ds and dil and gc.... this is the first I have seen of them.  I heard ds's voice and did not recognize it at all.  He doesn't even talk the same, it's like he is a totally different person.  Listening to he and dil was a very eye opening experience.  Just listening to them interact was like watching a performance on my ds's part.  I thought where did he go? I guess this is who he is now or always has been.  I was wondering what TV soap am I watching????....  The nice thing about the video was GC was totally adorable from what I saw.   ;D     
3
Hi Everyone,

I haven't felt a need to start a thread in awhile .... I have felt that if I could help someone here with a response to something I had experienced that was similar then I was doing something constructive and was not obsessing.  You all have been Great for me in the past and now.  I was just thinking that since DS and DIL and GC have moved out of state clear across the country that it has become an out of sight, out of mind experience for DS.  I also have heard that things aren't so peachy either.   Either way, I still think about him and GC but I believe I have reached a new plateau.  It is not an obsessive thought or behavior anymore as I am sure I sounded like that in the past.  But that is part of what I was going through.   I don't know that he will ever move back and have accepted his exclusion when he has come into town after telling his DD that he could not leave his new job for anything.  I guess you can say I am better.  This was just something I had been thinking about for sometime and DH and I do talk about DS ex. when he was younger or before DIL etc without malice so I believe we both have come a long way.  It is what it is.         
4
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / No-Drama Holiday
November 19, 2012, 03:55:16 AM
Hi Ladies,

Some of you may remember, we have had no contact with DS and DIL since they moved out of town without telling us.  Well, he emailed DH to call him who told him if he wanted to talk with him to call him because he had the telephone #.  Well, he called and spoke with DH not to say how are you, how is everyone, happy holidays etc.  Just negative stuff and so DH questioned his behavior towards his FOO and also his lifelong friends that were no longer just that because he has cut everyone off.  He told DH he did not want anyone putting his DW down and DH said well, I don't want anyone putting my DW down either.  Needless to say, I had told my DH I am planning on a DRAMA FREE HOLIDAY and we have been working towards it.  It's like DS knows this and is trying me and DH.  Anyway, DH presented a united front and not much more was said.  I am not letting him take my joy.  Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.
5
On a scale of 1-10 I am feeling like an 8 today. 

Before WWU  maybe a 3 or 4. 

My DS and his family moved out of town this past month.  It did bother me because there has not been any contact for a long time except when my DH called DS to make amends and DS blew him off and my DH told him that the ball was in his court.  We learned through the grapevine that they were moving.  But what has really surprised me is that we all are ok.  In fact we all have been very matter of fact about it.  I was just wondering how everyone else would say they are doing since coming to WWU. 

Thank you all 
6
Grab Bag / Father's Day
June 03, 2012, 04:21:07 PM
My DH is really a good guy and it just makes me mad about how insignificant we all are to DS.  I know that DH will move through the day without missing a beat but it just makes me angry.  If DH was in perfect health it might be a different story, but I doubt it.  It sounds good when I say it.  DH keeps going to the mail box checking it and asking if the mail came.  I spoke with my DM about Father's Day and how it makes DH feel every year since DS has been with DIL.  She said that DS will think about everything that has happened as GC gets older and will have a change of heart.  I would like to think this is true but the way things are and have been, it seems unlikely.   I always think that I have a hold on my feeling and then I see my FOO hurting because of DS and it just flies all over me.    Thanks for listening.   
7
Grab Bag / Day to Day Living
March 03, 2012, 09:25:39 AM
Since coming to this site several months ago, I have been able to achieve some  peace.  At least for now, I am able to talk about my DS and DIL and GS without getting emotional.  I am not mad and not upset.  It feels a little strange. My DM told me I have cut it out of my thoughts.. But that is truly the opposite.  I think I have accepted things are the way they are and I cannot do anything about it and I am getting on with my day to day living.

Also, my DH and DD seem to be more open since I have relaxed when they talk about DS.  We are not all reacting to what is said or done where DS is concerned. 

So I guess I am feeling somewhat normal about my DS?  Whatever that is.....Thanks and have a good day everyone.
8
Grab Bag / Keeping Your Sense of Humor
January 29, 2012, 08:03:59 AM
I don't know how everyone else feels but keeping my sense of humor has helped  me get through alot of stuff.  If I couldn't laugh, think I would have cried and still did from laughing so hard. 

Example: When my GF passed away everyone at the funeral home was crying their eyes out, me included until I said a commonly known phrase that he used say about our family and everyone just busted out in laughter in the family box....here we are just about the whole family and there were about 20 of us and we are sitting there in the funeral laughing and crying and choking like we have lost our minds.  But it helped us and my GF would have liked the fact that he caused a little ruckus.     
9
My DH tried reaching out to our DS last week when he called and told him, Congratulations.  DH spoke to DS about the baby and then DS told him that we didn't want to have anything to do w/ him as long as he was w/DIL.  My DH told him that was not true.  The conversation escalated with DS getting angry and my DH told him he heard GC crying in the background he would hang up so he could take care of him and DS ignored him.  The baby continued to cry, my DH said and DS continued getting angry.  My DH told him the ball was in his court.  I knew he was calling and I just wanted to know when we could see GC.  I stood there until the two started having a disagreement then I went and put another load of laundry in the machine.  My DH said that the baby continued to cry and DIL didn't even pick him up.  I talked with DH the next day and told him I was done.  He had told me when he got off the phone that he gave it one last shot and DS just wanted to argue and defended DIL.  When DH asked him pointedly about somethings that had happened, DH said it was just dead air on the phone... no reply. I told my DM what had happened and she said to just let it go.  And we have been letting it go but I thought things would change when the GC arrived.  We rated a generic birth announcement with GC's picture and stats.  I believe she did that to turn the knife a little more so to speak.  But through all of this I can't say I am not hurt because I am.  I wish things were different.  I sometimes feel like I am obsessing.   At least my DD tells me MOM, you're obsessing again.  Maybe I am but I believe I am in a better place than I was 2 years ago when all this started.  I believe my DH and DD are too.  My DH ended the conversation with DS quickly because he was upset that they were letting the baby cry.  He just couldn't believe it.  We have to keep telling ourselves, he owns his decisions. 
10
Haven't heard from son for Christmas....it has been 3 years now...... since he has been with DIL .....just lives within walking distance....so much water under the bridge....I just want to shake him into reality but I guess he is already there.  He has allowed the alienation of all his family and friends since he has been with his wife before and after they married.  They now have a son just 1 month old and we didn't even rate a call....  He has made his choice and I tell my husband that we just have to go on and he agrees.