This is probably a weird post, but have been home from work for a few days and decided to organize my shoes as they are always such a cluttered mess.
Well, discovered that I have waaay too many shoes, and that I have several sets of multiple pairs of nearly identical shoes, most of which are unworn.
Not only that, but my closet is also overflowing with clothes I either can't get into, or rarely wear.
Now, I'm guessing that this is a symptom of trying to fill up the gaping hole in my life that the loss of my son and granddaughter has left, but it can't go on!
Has anyone else faced this addiction? i know that acknowledging the problem is a start, but how did you move forward in organizing and stopping the urge to buy things you don't need?
My solution was to eat. I'm 87 and it took me my entire life to get to where I no longer seek comfort externally. There are myriad ways to move honestly into finding it within...and I think at one time or another, I have tried them all. I don't think there is so much an 'answer' as there a 'place' where we can let go, finally. We define it differently. I feel that i have somehow found my 'heart' and that life isn't about situations, reactions, opinions or even experiences. It just is. Very hard to articulate...but I just wanted to commend you for taking that step...seeing what isn't working...and being open to moving on. Hugs...
Thank you Louise. I have made such efforts to find inner peace and it is quite confronting to see so clearly the evidence of how much turmoil I am still experiencing. On the surface I feel pretty good most of the time. I try to channel those mothers whose children emigrated and who lived their lives assuming that they were OK. I am generally happy, but that sneaky maternal instinct is very persistent.
I shall have to keep working at it. And maybe not buy that fabulous bargain watch that is 85% off retail price.
Kate, I've faced the "retail therapy" issues for many years.
My solution is to stay out of the retail stores, but go to the 2nd hand stores where the splurges are about $4.00 and if I buy 4 or 5 items, that's still a whole lot less than had I bought those items in a department store.
What about finding a child or children somewhere that you could buy shoes for? What about starting a shoe recycling depot where everyone could bring their shoes and others could come and find some? I think there is a charity that has already started this but there are always people in every neighbourhood who are in need.
Good luck,
CP
Hi CP, those are great suggestions. I particularly like the idea of shoes for kids.
Department stores are a big contributor to my shoe problem, and I do try to avoid them, but directly below my workplace is a discount shoe store! Directly opposite is a charity shop which I visit regularly. I have to walk past both of them in order to take my lunch time walk. I think I will have to try to stick to a 'one in, one out' policy, or more realistically, a 'one in, three out' policy for a while.
Maybe I can buy school shoes and donate them to the charity shop - so long as they go to those who need them rather than those like me who just drop in looking for a bargain.
Kate, what about contacting the school to buy those shoes? the teachers will know who needs them the most.
Kate, I can relate, but mine doesn't have anything to do with my DS issues. I have always done this! I am one of these people that have 5 different sizes in my closet in case I lose weight, or in case I gain weight.....yeah.
I am not too bad about shoes, but pocketbooks, I realized I had a weird obsession with those years ago. I was going through them and realized like you, I had like 15 black pocketbooks, just very little difference. Same thing with other colors. I finally just had to make myself go through them and de-clutter. And I have purged many of my clothes at this point realizing I was NEVER going to be a size 8 or 6 again.
My new thing now is paper. I keep everything. Old cards, old graduation stuff, notes....anything on paper, I can't bring myself to throw away. I'm trying now to wrap my brain around going through it.
Yes, I keep too much stuff too! Not shoes, but everything else you can think of and my DH tends to be the same! When we throw things out we need them a few days later. Sometimes I watch "Hoarders" just to make myself feel better. See! I am not that bad!!! LOL
I have a friend who throws everything that is not seasonal out if she does not use it at least once a month! I once told her that somewhere between me and her there was a perfect compromise......... I haven't found it but neither has she. Her DH complains about buying things over and over.....
Well, here's a solution. I live in a 440 sq. ft studio. I have one, 6 ft. closet. Like Pooh, I used to have what Val called my 'accordion wardrobe'...size 6 to size 20! Here, I have a hanger in every slot and when I hang up something new, I have to head over to our campus Thrift Store with something outdated. I am very different about coats, shoes...and purses. I buy one pair of shoes, a coat and a purse and use them until they need to be replaced. Besides my New Balance Walkers, I have one pair of flats in case I get dressed up (that's anything that isn't jeans! LOL!)
Louise, your discipline is amazing.
I wonder if part of my problem is that having been very cash strapped most of my life and now having a bit more leeway in my finances I find it very hard to resist a bargain, and even harder to part with something that I just know I will use some day. I know that it is silly and wasteful to buy all this stuff.
Handbags, how many handbags can one seriously use? I have about a dozen all bought for a song and all good quality, but a dozen! and yarn, boxes of it. I have so much yarn that i had to buy an antique bed (they are higher than modern beds) for the spare room to put the boxes under. I am making a concerted effort to use it up, but it is a huge effort not to go to the yarn store for more. Our little house is fit to burst with all this stuff.
Occasionally my obsession is useful in that I bought a bargain priced ($60!) designer silk dress and was able to give it to a friend for her sons wedding. She looked fabulous in it.
Hey, that's the up side, K.! :D
My old ways of filling the void included eating, binge-reading and shopping at yard sales. Reading the previous posts, I was practically breaking my arm patting myself on the back for having overcome those vices - until I realized I'm still trying to fill the void but now with time-wasting activities like watching too much TV or getting sidetracked by social media and other unnecessary stuff.
What amazing things could we be doing instead? Maybe 2014 is our year to let go of some of these things that are holding us back!
??? Pen....does this mean you are thinking of reducing your time spent regulating this site?? Horrors!! Thanks for your time :)
I recently started following this blog http://www.theminimalists.com/.
It's motivating me to think about what items I could donate to give me more space but also to make my life about "more fun, less stuff". I agree that shopping and so many of those other behaviours could be about filling the void (whatever void), but as someone who grew up very poor and with crummy stuff, it's been a life long goal to have nice stuff. I reached my goal, but now I'm thinking that as I get older, I should pare down the nice stuff, and keep only the items that I use and the ones that I dearly love.
My lifestyle has changed dramatically, haven't had a dinner party or any type of social gathering in almost a decade. All those dishes that gather dust and haven't been used for years, could probably find themselves a new home and actually get some use.
I've done this once or twice before and then regretted giving away some items, I tended to get enthusiastic in the removing and then regretful later on so I think it's best to do it in steps. They say if you haven't worn an item in a year, you should donate it, etc.
CP
My DH and I have toyed with the idea of giving all the antique furniture we inherited to our son now......if only we trusted our DIL. I think she might sell it them and they have been in the family for three (going on four?) generations. Darn it!!
I am happy with our furniture, I have sourced lots of antique and second hand furniture which I refurbish and we love, and which works very well for us. When we got together we both had very little furniture, and almost all of what we had was other peoples cast offs, and not terribly good cast offs either, so furnishing our home has been the work of years to find the right pieces at the right price.
We have lots of kitchenware, china and glassware, but again that is fine as we like to entertain, and it all gets used.
It is all the consumables, like clothing and accessories where I have run amok. It is like an addiction. Now that I think about it, the explosion in my closet occurred when I had finished finding all the furniture we wanted.
Maybe I could hire myself out as a personal shopper? That way shopping would be a chore instead of a recreation.
I did see a great idea about purging your closet the other day, that I think I'm going to try this year. You turn all your hangers backwards when you hang them. When you actually wear something, you hang it back the right way. After six months (when you would have definitely had time to wear it due to the season), anything that is still backwards, you know you haven't worn. You do this twice and it purges you down to things you actually wear after a year.
I'm worlds worse for saying, "Yeah, but I might wear that" or I think I wore it. So for me, this may work as long as I make myself follow through and get rid of it.
That's a great idea, Pooh. I think I could actually follow through on this. DDD can even join in (she's a major shopaholic.)
Thanks SL, this site is essential to me! I plan to be around for a lonnnggg time.
Well I have made a start.
Decision 1 - does it fit? If yes, back into the closet it goes. If not...
Decision 2 - will I honestly wear it if I lose sufficient weight to get into it? If yes, into the blanket box it goes. If not...
Decision 3 - is it suitable for crafting? If yes, into a box for crafts. If not...
Decision 4 - is it suitable for the thrift store? If yes, into a bag for transportation. If not, into the bin!
After a couple of hours work things have improved already. Will do more tomorrow.
You have me thinking and when I get dressed...I am doing it more consciously. I find I have kept some things thinking they were OK but always pass over them...and I have favorites I am super-comfortable in. I have a top I wear so I can wear a necklace I got and, yup, I sometimes put that on when the gifter is coming by. There's a sweatshirt from when I visited Kirk and Sandy in Hawaii in 2000 that is tattered and torn, there are two outfits in case I ever get dressed up (that haven't been off their hangers in years) and a cute, colorful top that reminds me of happy days that's too small. I had no idea there was a history lesson and psychological profile in my little, six ft. closet. Thrift shop, here I come!
Another hour sorting clothes today, couldn't do more as we have stupid temperatures over the last few days (36 celsius - 97 fahrenheit) and the bedroom has no aircon. My drawers now close easily, my closet is no longer bursting at the seams!
Will have to revisit in a couple of weeks as I suspect there is more that needs to go, I cannot express how much better our bedroom feels now.
Next mission is to deal with the compulsive shopping. Thinking I need to think of grandson. He will be a year old in a couple of weeks and loves his swimming lessons. I think that is a good thing to commit to for the next 12 months.
Kate, thanks for sharing your progress. Your purging journey has inspired many of us (good job, Luise!) I'm looking around my home office right now at all the piles of papers collected over the past couple of years. They are all outdated and pertain to a job I'm phasing out of. Out they go!
Hi, my name is Fafe and I have way too much stuff. But, we have a family that is moving into our rental house and they have very little in the way of furnishings. They have been living with family and had to give away/sale a lot of their stuff. So, we are in the process of getting hardwood floors in our dining room. I had to get everything out of there except a china cabinet that is way big and the guys will have to work around it. My daughter and SIL came and picked up a bookcase that I had stuck in there. One thing down. I also had a dresser (from one of the bedrooms) in the DR, so I am giving that to the new tenants, as well as a very old but nice china cabinet that I had in the "office" area which we are also redoing. I have 2 Baker's racks that is going over to the rental house too. So, yeah me for getting rid of some furniture and helping someone else too. Now, I need to do something about ALL the closets!
Went looking for my bathing suit this morning to use in Water-walking therapy in our pool. It didn't make the last cut. LOL! Oh, well...good excuse to get a new one!
I have a theory that the origin of the human compulsion to acquire stuff is deep in our genes. If you think of the distant past, all the things we needed to survive were hard to get/make, so we continually had to look for more to replace what we ate, what wore out etc. The trouble is, like fat and sugar in our diet, 'stuff' is now quite easy to get, so we overdose on it.
Makes sense to me :)
Luise, you deserve a hot new suit for water walking therapy. Have fun shopping!
:D :D :D http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00EK5RNW4/ref=oh_details_o01_s00_i00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
I love that actually...Lol
Me, Too! 8)
The new renters are coming in a bit to get the dresser, china cabinet, and baker's rack! Yeah for getting it out of the sunroom!
Good for you! :D