Quote from: JaneF on November 19, 2012, 08:57:09 PMIt is a mystery to me too! Why do some children grow up to be the kind we write about here while their siblings are normal caring individuals able to consider the feelings and needs of others? Why does a child start out as the perfect child and morph into someone we've never met before, seemingly overnight? How can a spouse have so much influence that a lifetime of love and support is forgotten? These are questions we'll never have an answer to. It is what it is! Learning to let go of our expectations and dreams is very difficult. I had always hoped that DS would come around and see the error of his ways but I have let go of that too. I have not not seen him or my GC or heard from him in almost 6 months. I ran into DIL in the store and the hate for me in her voice was stronger than ever. I politely said hello and kept on walking. Yes, finding a new focus for your love and generosity is what helps in the healing. But we have to be careful that we don't over compensate with the "good" child. They know about the issues with the other child and don't want regular updates and they don't want to be smothered either. It's a fine line to walk. My outside focus is my job as a school bus driver. I try to be kind and patient and willing to listen to what the children have to say. I have driven for 17 years and recently have developed a greater appreciation for the trust and affection of the children who ride with me every day. I still have a long way to go but at least I'm moving forward!
I just don't understand why it has to be that way when there could be a tiny bit of compromise by all involved. I guess some folks are able to be fair and reasonable and kind, while others do not have the ability.