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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - bdwell1904

1
Grab Bag / HI!!!!!!!!!!!
May 03, 2012, 10:28:12 AM
I have been in to read your post but just haven't had it in me to respond. I do want my dear lovely ladies to know ya'll mean so much to me. I hope ya'll have a great week. Thinking and praying for each of you. Take care and God Bless.
2
Thank each of you for your loving kindness.
3
I wanted to let ya'll know on the 15th I got a message from DS. It said he realized it took alot for me to write the letter and knew it was hard to say. It allowed him to let go of alot of resentment he had been holding onto for far too long. He also said he doesn't know where things will go from here and that he loves me.
Baby steps.  ::) Thanks for allowing me to share this with ya'll. Take care
4
Pen- good for you :D
5
Thank you all for your comments. This letter was a response to one I had recieved from DS. He had called but couldn't say what he wanted over the phone, so he wrote me a letter and I responded to what was in his letter. I did send it to him and have heard nothing. I am okay with that, I will continue going forward in my healing process, and take life as it comes. If he reaches out again I will be happy but I have learned through the wise words here that if he didn't I can still be alright. Good thoughts to each of you.
6
Jill-  I am sry for what you are going through, the fact is you have no control over your AD any longer. For an alcoholic especially one with children is very hard at times to face the stress of life. I'm not trying to give your AD a get out of card, it is simply a fact. Obviously she wants to do better as her past sobriety atest to. Being around other people, places or things that influence you when you are stressed and trying to stay sober can be difficult, to say the least. She has guilt, hence the I'm sorry. My best suggestion is to offer her hope. Adding to the guilt of an alcoholic only makes them want to drink more, to relieve the pain they feel inside. Encourage your AD by letting her know you believe in her and her ability to be a good sober mom. I know it is hard for you. One thing I heard an addict say once that was very enlightening: Mother"Why can't x understand how I feel about them drinking" ....AC"How can my mom not understand how hard it is for me to stay sober" If you have never had a problem with addiction you will never understand, but you can try to. Wishing you only the best.
7
Thank you so much dear friends for your words. I agree that it is hard to convey exact meaning in writing, I think that is why so many arguments occur over text msg. We tried the phone but could not get out what we want to say. At least I am learning to try to communicate, instead of hiding under my safe pillow. The only reason I have made this progress is due to learning to face my issues through the words and experience of others here.
8
Friends my DS reached out to me this week. I took the time to really think about what he said. He doesn't want to know or understand the
reasons why I am hurt or the pain I am going through to heal myself. I will continue to face my issues and heal me, and am grateful I found this place to help me do that.

Dear,
    I have read your message several times and taken the time to think about what you said. One thing you said is that I talk about those years as if they were a blur or never happened. You are right. I have lived most of my life with blinders on. It was easier to pretend my life, my pain, and the defects in my character, didn't happen than to deal with it all. I so wanted to believe I was a good and loving mother, to cover up my defects. I didn't start out at nineteen expecting my life to go this way.  I will not try to explain the reasons I have lived like this to you. I do not want you to say I am making excuses.              I've done it, for whatever reasons, and I own up to the fact that I have lived this way.
Just as you are trying to face the things from your past to be able to move forward and have a better life, so am I.   For the courage you are showing to make this journey now, to heal yourself, I am very proud of you. What I am awed by is that you have made the choice to do the often painful work of facing up to the past, heal from it and use it to make you something stronger, wiser and more evolved than you could have been if you had allowed the past to hold you in a position of being a victim.  What I have done for many years.
I understand that the way you perceive things are not the way I do, and that is okay.  I have no intention of arguing with you about your perceptions or feelings. We each perceive things differently. I am trying to learn not to push my perception of events off on you, as I have done in the past. I am trying to accept responsibility for my past behavior and not discount or diminish the harm, pain or grief you have encountered. You have a right to be angry. For the things I have not done that I should have, and the things I have done that I should not have. I understand you have heartfelt pain and grief for the life you should have had and for the parents that should have been there for you.
If you are angry, if you cannot trust me, if you cannot forgive me at this point in time  THAT IS OKAY TOO.  It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out. If you open up and completely forgive me, you become vulnerable. You may want to trust me but can't because maybe, just maybe, the bottom will fall out and the hurt would be unbearable. I don't know if this is how you feel, but I understand if it is. For all I have or have not done, I am sincerely apologizing.
Yes, I am deeply sorry.
I know ___ is your child and you make the decision of what is best for her. I long to welcome her with open arms.
As far as my future...Today I am trying to learn I am not a bad person. I may not have been the best mother but also I have not been the worst. I will no longer allow people to use me for a punching bag. Not verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually. I have to protect myself, my life, and my future, as you are doing with yours. I choose to circle myself with people who love me for who I am Today. I hope that ya'll will choose to be a part of that circle.
You are my baby boy, I truly love you, and would never seek to cause you harm. I truly hope we can be as close as we once were, again in the future.
Love momma
9
I know it is hard, after no 2 i would goto work and come home and lie in bed crying till I fell asleep, that went on for 4 months. You know what it did get old finally. Some days I would have to convince myself just to take a shower. Awful I know. Please keep coming and reading. It's kinda like going to church every sunday, maybe this week the sermon didnt speak to you but you never know what next sunday will bring. There are times the pain from my AC situation overwhelms me and I dont feel I can contribute but then I read that thing that touches me and can help turn my day around. Keeping you in my thoughts.
10
Grab Bag / Re: Today's Positive Thought
February 11, 2012, 07:59:18 AM
Luise- on one of the post someome said " Sometimes God calms the storm and sometimes he calms the child" that to me is one of the most positive thoughts I have ever heard. I don't remember who said it but I love it.
11
I feel for you soo much. I know that fear and it took alot of beatings, mental and physical abuse and 18 yrs from husband no1, 3 months a broken nose and a beating with a 20 lb barbell from no2, for me to finally ask the right question. It wasn't how am I going to survive alone at this age, it was what is broken in me that I pick these kind of men, then asking how do I fix it. Lucky for me I was able to face some of my demons by the time no 3 came along, I still made him wait a long time before I said yes. I am not healed by any means and still deal with alot of issues. I am fortunate DH tries to be so understanding and gives me a little push when I start to fall back into old self doubt. I live a very happy and peaceful life despite issues I share on here. I have learned that it may get me down but wont keep me down. My advice is to look on the inside rather than for someone on the outside. Life and love can be better and we do deserve it. At least that is what DH keeps telling me lol deep down I know it's true. best to you
12
Grab Bag / Re: Today's Positive Thought
January 30, 2012, 08:15:31 PM
Quote from: luise.volta on January 29, 2012, 10:33:35 AM
Use your imagination. Close your eyes; picture young, svelte, healthy and energetic...(be careful not to open your eyes...)

Luise is that supposed to be pooh or the guy she is dreaming of making her feel sexy?? teasing feel better pooh
13
Hi everyone-been super busy and just a drive by reader lol. Things are pretty much the same for me. No word at christmas or on my birthday. I survived.

Now I just wanted to say about the original post. First bi polar, and addiction are both illnesses. You can get help for both and live a productive life if you choose. It seems your DC choose to quilt you into doing for them what they should be doing for themselves. As for me I choose the road of worse case scenario. What if I never see them or my GC. What if they die. What if they are homeless. Face your fears and know you CAN be ok. Yes I still wake up bawling at times but you do come to terms with it if you choose to. We all make choices maybe it's time to stop letting your children make yours. :-\
14
Nan- as a personal caregiver for the elderly, I can tell you that what your DM is experiencing is normal.
Rose- absolutely love the quote
Ladies- my little lady broke her hip, so have been running between hosp. and home to care for both my clients. Your all in my thoughts just don't have time to read or post right now. thoughtfully B
15
Grab Bag / Re: Calling Pooh or other cooking afficiandos
November 03, 2011, 08:51:50 AM
at the holidayss we use ground corn beef mix with 1 c mayo, 1 c sour cream and 1/2 cup green onions mix well and chill. Makes a great dip for crackers  ;D