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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - luise.volta

141
Grab Bag / Reporting in On Val
May 11, 2010, 10:00:39 AM
Hi Beloved WWUers,

Here is an update on my experience of having my beloved husband, Val, age 98, admitted to our nursing facility on March 31st.

Initially, it was like a divorce (of which I have had considerable experience) and my heart felt like I would never recover. But time heals and I now know that "Care Giver Syndrome" is something that deserves a lot of respect.

Val is happy and content. He likes his room and his room mate, the food, and the staff. I visit twice a day, once taking over his little Chihuahua, "Me, Too" and once to walk the halls with him to support his continued mobility.

I am allowed to do little things for him like hydration, hearing aid and dental bridge maintenance...etc. so I still feel like I am contributing to his well being. And little, by little, I am accepting this as "what is" and creating a continued relationship that is meaningful to both of us.

While I was in transition, I put his picture up by my name so you could visualize him and today I've changed it back to my picture. I deeply appreciate your interest, prayers and incantations, "atta girl" posts and intentions. Bless your hearts one and all for helping me over this latest bump in the road of life.

Sending love,

Luise
142
Grab Bag / Happy birthday To Us
May 09, 2010, 09:31:20 AM
Today (Mother's Day) is the one year anniversary of the launch of this Website. I want to thank each and every one of you for your amazing compassion, wisdom, humor, and loyalty. A Web-forum is truly the sum of it's parts times ten. You have exceeded my wildest dreams regarding building a Web-community that offers women a supportive environment in which to learn, grow and heal...laugh, cry and share. Your respect for each other is our glue.

Bless your hearts and please accept my gratitude. It comes from the bottom of my heart! Sending love and Pings...
143
Grab Bag / Recent Press Release - Luise
April 24, 2010, 08:46:03 AM
    
83 Year-Old "Great-Grandma-Blogger" Receives Honors

Octogenarian's Popular Advice Column Boasts 150,000 Site Visitors a Year and Offers 1,000+ Blog Posts

Stanwood, WA (PRWEB) April 7, 2010 -- Who says life is over at 83? Certainly not Luise Volta, octogenarian author of over 1,000 blog posts on the popular "advice" website, MomResponds.com. In the five years since she started her online column, Volta has garnered over 1,500 reader comments from more than 150,000 annual site visitors. And she answers questions from 120 countries on topics ranging from sex to shoelaces.

"Two of the subjects I address most often are 'My son hates me' and 'What do I do about my sexless relationship?'" she shared.

Other questions she often receives are, "Is my marriage over?" and "How do I find the vehicle ID on my travel trailer?" RVs and small campers occupy significant space on her site, as do mother-in-law problems. "I came to realize that many women have trouble with their adult sons and daughter-in-laws, so I started an online forum where women could discuss it." Her resulting second website, WiseWomenUnite.com, has been up for a year and boasts more than 250 active forum participants. "Now younger women are writing in asking for help with their mother-in-laws!" she said.

Housebound while caring for her 98-year-old husband, Volta got the idea of starting her blog from family and friends who often would ask her for advice. "They told me, 'Mom, you need to put that out there. Somebody else somewhere needs to hear that, too.'"

Prior to becoming a caregiver, much of Volta's recent years have been spent volunteering in many different capacities in the retirement facility where she and her husband live. She also wrote for a senior newspaper and occupied a seat on the Snohomish County Council on Aging. Last year she won two awards, one for her senior community service and the other for her web presence. Seattle's Foss Home and Village Foundation honored her with a "Special Senior Award" and Bank of America Charitable Foundation's Neighborhood Excellence Initiative recognized her as a "2009 Local Hero."

Volta has worked as a nurse, preschool teacher, interior designer, real estate agent, insurance adjuster, and dairy herd tester. She's traveled the Northern Hemisphere as a full-time RVer and currently lives in the Pacific Northwest. She bore four children, buried three, and has survived five marriages. She has 60 years' experience as a wife and mother.

When asked if she finds aging depressing, Volta replied, "No. Life is a series of adventures. Some are difficult, of course. But whenever I feel a void, I wonder, 'What's just around the next corner? And I can't wait to find out!'"
144
Grab Bag / Monitoring and Managing a Web-forum
April 17, 2010, 07:05:35 PM
This is for Everyone - What I strive for is a place to learn and grow. You have all read my vision statement at the top right of the Home Page. If it is idealistic, most goals are.

I don't want a Pollyanna site; controversy is healthy, but I also don't want a bashing, vicious site. Since I bear the cost of all of this...what I want matters.

After a year, I have come to the following conclusions:

We get into trouble when we generalize..."all DILs are like this and all MILs are like that."

We get into trouble when we identify..."you are just like my DIL/MIL." No one is.

We get into trouble when we go to other sites, carry tales and incite others.

We get into trouble when we are unilateral; that's why we are no longer strictly a MIL site. Anyone can wreck havoc in a family. Wise Women Unite is about support and resolution.

We get into trouble when we attack others with personal messaging and emails *if* we use them for gossiping or direct attack. There is no way I can monitor that, nor would I want to. None-the-less, serious damage has occurred there.

Drama is bound to occur and each of us is responsible regarding how far we let that go. Temper tantrums and hurt feelings are best processed off-site. We can express honestly without accusation or victimization. We can state a point of view without having to apologize because it is unique. The other person's reaction is theirs. Some speak of being afraid to speak up, being afraid of others, being afraid of me, being afraid of "The MILs" or "The "DILs." Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? If you are not comfortable here, why post?

There are no primadonnas here. There are no gurus. No one has all the answers and we all get to put in our 2 cents. It isn't a place where a power struggle is appropriate. We are vastly different...from many countries, backgrounds, careers, races, ages...you name it and we have it here. That's quite wonderful but it is also not a simple thing to monitor and manage.

That's my job...monitoring and managing. I am not going to explain or defend my actions. I have not taken "Web-Forum 101" and I am going to make mistakes. We all are and there is simply no solution except to do our best, each and every one of us.



145
Grab Bag / Letting Go of Hurt
March 28, 2010, 08:49:42 AM
Well, since you asked, I will write about my experience of letting go of hurt.

First of all, you need to know that I have never been physically, emotionally, spiritually brutalized like some of the women here...so I have no idea how I would have gotten up and gone on from such an experience...or if I would have ever gotten past hating the person who took me down.

My losses have been more psychological, like my DILs rage that she turned on me right after my eldest son's death or like my former husband's three-year affair. I started out as a neglected, unwanted and unloved child...so those are the kinds of hurts that have been part of my path through life.

I don't think that for me forgiveness has been very real. I see forgiveness as connected to judgment.

What has happened, is that I have learned compassion along the way. (Please don't forget that I am in my mid-eighties!) The people who have hurt me have acted on their own hurts. I may or or may not have even been a part of that. I honestly feel the hurt and I do what I think is indicated to get through it...and then I just know in my heart that if I hang on to it, I damage myself.

It seems to me that I have a choice. And if I am focused on hurt, I am passing on joy. I can't feel both concurrently and I just opt for the one that feels the best to me. Then those that have hurt me look more human than threatening and I just let it all go because I no longer have much energy focused on it. Often they are drawn to me again, like my former DIL and my ex DH and we seem to salvage something along the way. It may be mutual respect, I don't know. We're all doing the best we can and life is not for the faint at heart.
146
Grab Bag / My Bank Account Story
March 27, 2010, 12:04:54 PM
So, here is my bank account story, (circa 1978): I was reconciling our bank statement and found a whopping $3,000. withdrawal from our savings account. I called the bank right away about "their" mistake. The person researched it and asked if I had asked my husband about it because she couldn't start any action until I had. I told her he would never do that. (Do I hear you all laughing!)

So, just to get the investigation going, I asked. Yes, he tells me...but it's a "surprise."

I wait and wait and wait and wait and don't ask because I don't want to ruin his surprise. (How dumb could I get?)

When he confessed not long after that to a three yer affair with a co-worker and friend of mine (I didn't have a clue)...low and behold, it was for dental work for her.

And he told the truth! It was sure a surprise!

147
Grab Bag / Still Missing Chickie
March 24, 2010, 10:18:45 PM
I know I have said this before...and I want to respect your privacy and your decisions but I really miss you, Chickie.
148
Grab Bag / Chickie where are you?
March 16, 2010, 09:46:56 AM
Hi C/B - I am missing your posts and wondering if you are OK? Sending love!
149
Grab Bag / 83 and Counting
March 09, 2010, 07:48:15 AM
To celebrate my birthday and the last year, I am sharing a newspaper article about me that was published in late Fall:

Stanwood/Camano News, Tuesday, October 20, 2000
Local Senor Expands Volunteer Service through The Internet
By Adam Stewart, Staff Reporter

      For Stanwood resident, Luise Volta, volunteering is a way to find her identity, build self-worth and avoid loneliness.
      She gives her time to open new doors and create lasting relationships.
      "We live in a two-way world instead of a self-absorbed world," she said.
      Volta describes a self-absorbed world as defeating.
      "Unless you're really fascinating," she chuckled.
      Drawing on her sense of humor, complimented by her infectious laughter and sincere smile, the 82 year-old Volta has been finding herself, and opening doors for others at the Warm Beach Senior Community for the past nine years.
      She has assisted in a variety of tasks from interviewing new residents and writing for the community's publications, to working at the nursing reception desk and serving as a member of the Snohomish County Council on Aging.
      In September, Volta was recognized as one of seven seniors, the Foss Home and Village Foundation, a non-profit organization based in Seattle, for contributions to her community during their Senior Appreciation event.
      Although she has enjoyed assisting at Warm Beach, circumstances with the health of her husband, Val, have forced her to find new volunteering outlets and redefine her sense of community.
      When you come to a fork in the road, there are more options than one right decision or one wrong decision, she said.
      She is starting to realize that her newest path was blazed 10 years ago when her son, Kirk, set up a computer in her home when he was preparing to move to Hawaii.
      "He told me our communication was being forced to a new level," she said. "He was pretty ruthless telling me, 'You're smart, Mom. Figure it out."
     And figure it out she did.
      Not only has Volta established and maintained, with the help of her son, a question and answer advice column Web site, she has recently been selected as a 2009 Local Hero by the Bank of America Charitable Foundation's Neighborhood Excellence Initiative (not limited to seniors) for her online efforts.
     Launched on Mother's Day in 2005, www.MomResponds.com started as an outlet to engage discussion on the process of aging wisely, said Volta.
      Over 1000 questions, 1,400 published comments and 100,000 yearly unique visitors later, the site covers topics ranging from marriage issues, dealing with in-laws, facing the death of a loved one, nutrition, spirituality and even, recreational vehicle advice   - a subject she and her husband have plenty of knowledge about after touring the United States and Canada for six years upon retirement.
      Working online has transformed the way she gives her time. It provides her a vehicle to continue volunteering while staying at home to care for her husband.
      "I've been an excellent listener all my life, a Natural,"  said Volta.
       She senses the need to be heard has always been part of life, a contributing factor to the growth of her site.
      Despite the fact that she is not a licensed counselor, the responses she provides come from a wealth of experiences.
      " The goal has always been to give sincere responses from a mom's perspective, she said. "It's very satisfying to receive questions from people all over the world and be able to offer positive advice."
      Volta sees recognition from Bank of America as a "huge honor."
      In addition to participating in the awards ceremony on October 27 at Marion McCaw Hall in Seattle, Volta has accepted a $5,000.donation from Bank of America to give to a non-profit organization. She has decided to award the donation to the Good Samaritan Fund at Warm Beach Senior Community.
      "I am grateful to be able to funnel money back into my community," said Volta.
      The Good Samaritan Fund was established to help Warm Beach residents in time of financial crisis.
      By expanding into the online community, Volta discovered a way to reach the satisfaction she found through local volunteering.
      Inspired by her success with MomResponds.com, Volta has created another successful, special interest Web forum, www.motherinlawsunite.com. She also has www.vintagervforum.com and www.agingwithwisdom in the hopper.
      "I'm finding the Web to be a never-ending and exciting adventure and just for fun, I'm writing a book about aging" she laughed.   
     


      
      
   





150
Grab Bag / Homorary Awards
March 08, 2010, 07:41:44 AM
Hi All,

Kirk and I are looking for some feedback regarding the award system built into our forum software.

We have two members, 2chickiebaby and cocobars, who have been recently honored for contributing over 1000 posts each. 2Chickiebaby is actually half way to 2000! However, they reached the highest award possible when they hit 500.

It isn't practical to change the existing system or user names but we can alter the number of posts required to reach each title. Chickie got to 1000 posts at around the 6 month mark...(I was ill and offline at the time and missed that monumental benchmark) and coco made it in a little over two months.  As most of you know, I was back online when that happened last week and conferred a special honor on coco...and retroactively on Chickie. I think everyone would agree that members who have that level of commitment are a great gift to us all...and I doubt that there is anyone in our membership of over 200 that hasn't been touched by both of them on more than one occasion.

Here is the existing structure:

Title                      Stars                                      Posts Required                       

Newbie                  *                                            0                               
Jr. Member             **                                          50                             
Full Member           ***                                        100                           
Sr. Member            ****                                      250                           
Hero Member         *****                                    500                           

Would you like to change the one thing we can change, which is the number of posts required to earn each title? We have come up with a suggested change. It is still possible to become a Hero but there is no way it could happen in a couple of months...that I can foresee. Full members would still join the coveted Magic Wand Council...(that I made up last week.  ;D )

Here is what we are proposing:

Title                      Stars                                      Posts Required                       
Newbie                  *                                            50                               
Jr. Member             **                                          500                             
Full Member           ***                                        1000                           
Sr. Member            ****                                      3000                           
Hero Member         *****                                    5000                           

We know some of you are not interested in titles or in the bars, from one to five, that go over your names to the left of your posts...but there are others of us who love games, goals and earned acknowledgment. (I do.)

If this subject doesn't interest you, just pass on it. If it does, please let us know what you think.

Sending love,

Luise (and Kirk, our worthy webmaster.)

151
Grab Bag / 200th Member
February 22, 2010, 12:18:16 PM
Our 200th Member just joined. Praise be!!!
152
*Note* - This post came in as a PM from tillykilly and I couldn't respond to her for some reason

thank god i have managed to find somewhere and someone out there who is living a similar nightmare and heartbreak.
my son and dil were out of my life for over 2 yrs and now since being pregnant and having my grandson they have been coming around. they still seem to be waving the white flag one minute and like a bull to red one the next, i have upset my dil with an innocent remark and my son laid into me in a foul mouthed way.  they seem intent on trying to prise as much money out of me as appears decent and doing a few things that seem family and mil friendly but i walk on eggs shells with her and my son i now take issue with when he disses me for no reason.  i always loving kind and supportive and never step into their space or even call as they control all that and i just go along with them and what they want, thaouh i still feel my dil is being crafty and sly and putting bullets in the gun for my son to fire please help what can i do next other than fall oveer board when and if they push for it.  god bless all us great and loving mums
154
Grab Bag / Joke Telling
January 29, 2010, 01:26:44 PM
I'd like to ask that our site not be used for joke telling. There are a lot of joke sites out there. It's too easy to offend someone who for one reason or another doesn't think it's funny. Thanks.
155
Grab Bag / WARNING!
December 07, 2009, 11:45:02 AM
As most of you know, this is my Web-forum but I have recently been up against some almost insurmountable personal issues and have been necessarily absent.

In the meantime, we have some new members who need to read what I have written at the top right of the home page. It's my vision statement. Also please re-read the agreement you made when coming aboard.

Our Forum is for positive support and growth. If you are interested in controversy and conflict, there are numerous hate sites out there that will please you no end. Please go where you are wanted. We don't all agree on this site but we are respectful and kind at all times. For those we wish to attract, that is almost a given...for others it is almost impossible.

DILs interested in working through MIL issues in a respectful and kind way are welcome. In fact we need them. And we only have room for respectful and kind MILs. Please keep those two words in mind...respectful and kind. To me, they mean the same thing: mature.

You know who you are. There won't be any further or personal warnings...you will just find that you have been dropped from membership. I hope it isn't necessary but I have done it before and will do it as often as required to maintain the integrity of our site.
156
Grab Bag / Prayers Please
November 27, 2009, 08:27:57 PM
Well, my foot got worse instead of better and today i wen to the Dr. to be sure nothing we amiss. I found out that I have been walking on a fractured tibia for a week. No wonder it got worse. At the bottom of the tibia is a kind of bulb of bone (ankle) and right above that I have a transverse, displaced fracture all the way across. Probably surgery and pinning will be needed. Headed for the orthopedist.

Lots to try to figure out about how to take care of Val...and me. Weary tonight. Asking for prayers.

157
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Alienation
October 19, 2009, 02:08:34 PM
Today would have been my eldest son's 61st birthday. When he died nine years ago of sleep apnea we were doing our best to walk on egg shells and stay connected in some very superficial and unrealistic way. Until his teens we were best buds...then I became "the most hated" and never knew why. His wife poured salt on the wound and they seemed to have a great "hating-our-mothers" kind of togetherness. He was a wonderful kid and grew into an even more wonderful man, husband, dad, and granddad. I'm sad that we didn't get through it before he died and I'm sad that I'm sad.
158
Grab Bag / Luise on YouTube
September 15, 2009, 09:36:39 PM
The City of Seattle 2009 Senior Appreciation Awards  9-10-09

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaBYFWeONlQ

159
Grab Bag / Questions that Stumped "Dear Abby"
September 15, 2009, 03:42:52 PM
>
>
>     "DEAR ABBY" ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER THE FOLLOWING:
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         A couple of women moved in across the hall from me.  One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.  These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.  Do you think they could be Lebanese?
>
>     
>     Dear Abby,
>         What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         I have a man I can't trust.  He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.  It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         Our son writes that he is taking Judo.  Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         I joined the Navy to see the world.  I've seen it.  Now how do I get out?
>
>
>      Dear Abby,
>         My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years.  He must be crazy.
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
>
>     
>     Dear Abby,
>        My mother is mean and short tempered I think she is going through mental pause.
>
>
>     Dear Abby,
>         You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor.  Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor.  Now what do I do? 
>
>
>   
160
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Judgment
September 10, 2009, 10:09:17 AM
I was thinking about someone calling me apathetic and how judgment often comes before all of the facts are in. I was pretty much offline for a few days because my husband fell backward and hit his head on the glass door of the fireplace. (Neither broke, probably because both were so hard!) However, I think it's a good example of why we need to give the other person the benefit of the doubt.