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I so agree with this.  My husband and I had only been married for a year when my mother became disabled (ovarian cancer) and had to quit work.  She suffered with it for 13 years and only had a small income.  All 7 of us children and I put our heads together and each sent her a monthly amount that would help her.  My husband wrote her a check just like he paid a bill.  He never once complained about doing that.  (He did fuss at me about other spending habits every once in a while).  My mother passed away in 1989.  His elderly parents lived next door to us and when I retired  in 200I knew that his parent's would have health problems, etc.  Since I was the only one not working I ended up with 95% responsibility with their health care until they were moved into an assisted living facility.  I still was the hands on person and husband took care of their finances.  They had another son and DIL who were essentially not into caring for them.  FIL passed away in 2012 and July 4th will be one year for MIL. 

I am not confident that AC will give the same care to my husband and I.  We have one DIL who has elderly parents in Japan and a SIL who also has elderly parents.  My 2 sons live 12/14 hours away and daughter lives just 30 mins away.  I'm hoping that we have prepared well enough and can still make good decisions about our care.

This is not to be taken as a tale of woe - just the facts!

Yes, let your husband handle things now and please close the bank of mom and dad.  He's your son - not your responsibility for his debts for the rest of his life.  I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter and I know that will always be on your mind, but remember that she'll always be in your heart.   Prayers going up for your family.

Sounds like it is time to close the Bank of Mom!  Some of us had to learn the hard way, but you can do it!  If, between the two of them they cannot become financially independent then THEY have to make changes - not you!  They will probably not like the "closed" sign, but may hold them accountable to themselves.

Happy Mother's Day to all of us!

Thanks Pen, I'll be doing something fun!  Just won't be able to be on the boards.

Keeping fingers crossed for you.  I will be out of pocket for the next few weeks, so I'll give you and hands up in advance and hope that everything will go good with you and your son.

So sorry and I'm glad they are ok!  We were watching it kinda in disbelief but it looks like it is getting to be the norm!  We have had 5 people shot with 3 of them dying right here in our little town.  When will the craziness stop?

I am not a very religious person, but when we were going thru some pretty bad stuff with our son, I finally had to let go and ask the Good Lord to look out for help.  Believe it or not in the end it was worked for us.  I still had anxious moments, etc., some gut wrenching, but we did make it.  I don't think son knew who was pulling for him, but again it worked.  I prayed and lit candles all over Europe for my daughter and her husband to adopt a baby and 6 months after the trip, the sweetest, prettiest little girl was in our world.  Now, I am lighting candles and praying that this same son will find a wife (I think he has found her, but not sure what is holding them back).

Been there, done that - was not easy, but it was taking me places I did not want to go.  MS straightened up his life, finished college and has a great future, but he had to make the decision that it was he wanted, not what I wanted for him as I never wanted anything but for all my children to be happy, enjoy this one chance of life we each have, and have health insurance!  The other two were fairly easy, but we went down a lot of roads that I never wanted to travel on during my child's trip.  Received a email a while back - totally out of the blue - thanking us for having him have braces, when we really didn't have to do it.  Go figure, that that was something he was grateful for.  Hope you'll find YOUR answer for YOURSELF and your son finds his as well.  Good luck and being a mother is not for sissies!

I believe I would close the bank of Mom (and Dad, if applicable).  Let them figure all this out.  One of my AC will call and hint about how hard they're having it (and I know their life style) and I just say call me back when y'all both work full time, have 2 more children and going 90 different ways every day.  Or, I ask if their work place does not have a credit union.  I once got picked for a job because I had been involved with Boy Scouts!  Hope you can be happy for yourself and not worry so much about them, they will either get with the program on their own or hit bottom and then start the climb back up. 

Happy belated birthday, Luise - you share one with my sweetie!  Glad you had a wonderful time.

The new renters are coming in a bit to get the dresser, china cabinet, and baker's rack!  Yeah for getting it out of the sunroom! 

Hi, my name is Fafe and I have way too much stuff.  But, we have a family that is moving into our rental house and they have very little in the way of furnishings.  They have been living with family and had to give away/sale a lot of their stuff.  So, we are in the process of getting hardwood floors in our dining room.  I had to get everything out of there except a china cabinet that is way big and the guys will have to work around it.  My daughter and SIL came and picked up a bookcase that I had stuck in there.  One thing down.  I also had a dresser (from one of the bedrooms) in the DR, so I am giving that to the new tenants, as well as a very old but nice china cabinet that I had in the "office" area which we are also redoing.  I have 2 Baker's racks that is going over to the rental house too.  So, yeah me for getting rid of some furniture and helping someone else too.  Now, I need to do something about ALL the closets!

My mother's mantra was - I didn't make you marry so and so, did not have anything to do with your choice of divorce, but if you are being harmed or abused, I'll move heaven and earth for you.  YOU and YOU CHOICE need to talk about this and make your decisions, etc.  Worked for her and all her 7 children, who(m) she raised by herself. 

One of my first sister in laws told me one day when I was fussing about her brother - YOU chose him out of all the men/boys in the world.  YOU have to deal with it.  And, I learned it was so true.

I think I've wandered off the subject a little, but that's how I roll!  Hugs to all who need them today, and tomorrow, etc.

WS, there is a funny thing going around on Facebook that reads "Life does not come with a manual - It comes with a Mother.  (Hope this is not inappropriate to share here.)  Your son is a grown person, who was taught to say thank you for gifts, etc.  I think I would never, ever remind him again to thank someone for a gift.  if it results in him not getting any more presents, then so be it.  If he's really interested in getting presents and saying thank you is the key, then he will make changes.  When he was little it was appropriate for you to encourage and maybe suggest hardily that he did the thank you notes, calls, etc.  Pick your battles and let this one go.  Here's another hug.