March 28, 2024, 07:46:43 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Amytx5

1
First, Let me thank you all for your support. Im sure you know how uplifting it is to realize that we are not alone in this struggle. I have read and will re-read your posts in the weeks to come for encouragement about keeping our "relationship" on a superficial level. It makes me genuinely dismayed to look back to all I have lost. We were just beginning to have a "friendship" and going out to lunch, taking bus trips with other moms and daughters and I was really enjoying have a grown up daughter. I have had to let go of that dream.  This was a child that I never had to punish, she never talked back, drank, smoked, stayed out late... none of the normal teenage  patterns, I thought I had beat the odds. I would trade any of the teenage behaviors for her to be out of this domineering relationship but obviously I dont have that option. As for my daughter being pregnant, I honestly dont think that is the case, but I could be wrong. She did have a minor surgery to have a mole removed, I think she was scared when the dr said she had to take more of it for testing and maybe saw that she "might" need some reassurance or support. Thats the only reason I can see so far for her wanting to reconnect. Now that that situation is over for her, I think she will go back to living her life with him w/o really bothering with us.  I find it very difficult to be superficial, I am very upfront and opinionated with everyone in my life, I am honest to a fault so its so hard to just say "thats nice" and "Im glad things are going well"... I know that she is completely aware that this behavior is uncharacteristic for me.. I often wonder what shes thinking. I have put the invitation out there for her to have pizza or a movie with her younger brothers. She has said she would like to but has made no attempt to set a date/time. So i will not bring it up again. My boys finally have their mother back, I feel in control and I am no longer letting her life interfere with mine. It took a very long time to get to this point. I look back on my online journal and cry thinking of how low I was to write what I did. I still cry for what could have been and what my dreams were but i now that I will survive with or without her. I would prefer to have my family intact if it can be that way and work but not at  the cost of my other children, my extended family or my husband. I will keep you updated!
2
Hello, This is my first post and Im thrilled to have found this site. I will try to shorten a LONG story but I tend to be long winded. I am a stay at home mom to 5 children. 4 sons ages 22, 17, and 14 yr old twins. 1 daughter who will be 21 in Aug. My daughter who is dating a man 6 yrs older then her, left our home in the beginning of her Senior yr in highschool. She was dating bf for 4 mths at the time. As soon as she turned 18, he told her she didnt have to follow our rules anymore and she agreed. She moved in with my inlaws, (mil is an alcoholic, fil is enabler) we have been separated from inlaws for 7 yrs.  Inlaws were more then happy to take our daughter in, buy her a car, a new laptop etc... anything to keep her from coming back home. Our daughter did leave initially because we had 3 arguments about her bf's controlling behavior.  BF is also the father of a 6 yr old boy that he had with a 15 yr old girl. This "Man" is a manipulator, control freak, has no morals, values or work ethic. He is a "the world is against poor me" type of person and our daughter thinks he is her saviour. He has been physically and verbally abusive to our eldest son, my brother and my husband and myself. My daughter and I have attended counseling to no avail, it always ended as a screaming match. She moved in with bf 6mths after she graduated hs and has been with him ever since. She recently decided to get in touch with her older brother via text and decided to try to mend some fences with us. There has been very limited texting , basically very superficial, the weather, work, basic conversation, extremely limited.   I have been so emotionally void, I almost let this situation destroy me and I have finally recovered and startting living again. I am afraid to let her in, I have dreams of the relationship we had, when our family was all together. She was a wonderful sister/daughter. This is her first boyfriend and she has completely been brainwashed. I want to try to let her in, but I am anticipating that a conversation is coming about marrying this man. I will NEVER accept him into our family and he will NEVER be allowed to treat any other family member like he did before. My daughter left 6 of us, my parents, my brother and his 3 children, my great aunt and her family. All for this man. He should be in jail for his relationship with a 15 yr old, and then for my daughter when she was 16. (We were unaware of their relationship at that age) I have so much anger and frustration. We had a beautiful family and all for selfish wants/needs, she walked away for a man that has nothing to offer her. I dont know how to relate to her now and as soon as i mention her bf and not accepting him, im afraid the war will begin again. Any thoughts?