March 28, 2024, 02:12:02 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - Kjc04

1
Lol well if I didn't need help with my 2 other kids while I'm in the hospital then we would tell both families to not come for at least a few weeks. The past two times we sent family home when we came home from the hospital and told them we didn't want visitors and they left. However this time with us living so far away we can't do that since it take 2 days in a car to get here or a long flight. I don't want to offend my in laws but since we will have to suck it up and deal with company this time around I would rather my parents be here instead of my in laws for the first few days of recovery since those are the hardest and to be honest the grossest. (You all know what I'm talking about) it would be too much to have my father in law staying at the house while I'm dealing with all that. A part of me hopes they choose the hotel and that way everyone goes home after a week but I'm trying to be realistic that they may not be able to afford the flight, food, etc and have to pay for a hotel on top of it.
2
Hi! Well we have a current situation we are trying to work through. I want to be fair to both grandmothers so we are trying to figure out arrangements for the birth. My in laws babysat for us last time I gave birth so we are having my parents babysit this time. So we have to tell my husbands parents that if they want to be here for the actual birth then they need to stay in a hotel. Or if they want to stay with us then they need to wait til my parents leave a week later. Both sets of parents live 25-30 hours away by car so this does need to be planned in advance. Does this sound bad to tell them hotel or wait a week? I only have one guest room so I can't have both at the house. Also the grandmothers tend to be competitive with each other so I don't want to deal with the drama.
3
Thanks everyone for the advice! My husband and I talked about this last night and we are going to have my parents stay at the house with my 2 older kids and have my in laws stay at a hotel since we only have one guest room. My parents stayed at the hotel last time I had a baby and my in laws stayed with my oldest at our house so we are just going to say we are giving my parents a turn. Hopefully that will help for this time around. Then in the future when they visit we will sit them down and explain why this bothers us and to please not do this anymore. We don't want to hurt feelings since we don't see them that often but this last visit had me ready to snap and my husband said it's time we say something. I think it bothers me so much because they treat my husband like he is still a child and is under their authority and it makes me mad to watch them treat him this way and he doesn't say anything because he doesn't want to hurt their feelings. But he feels very disrespected in his own home and that's not right.
4
Hi everyone! I'm a daughter in law of eight years and I would like the opinions of mother in laws with an issue I'm having with my mother in law. We live 25 hours away from both our families because of of my husbands job. We see them once to twice a year so visits last about a week when they come see us. However when my in laws visit they see it as an opportunity to do projects around our house and completely take over our home. My mother in law will clean, try to do our laundry, and take over meals, dishes etc.  She has rearranged my kitchen and anytime she sees something she doesn't like about the house she will change it. She also never asks permission before she does it.  I honestly hate it and I don't like people messing with my house. They are coming back in September when I have my third baby and I want my husband to tell them to not mess with the house while I'm in the hospital. Would it offend you if your son told you not to clean his house because his wife doesn't like it? I don't want to hurt her feelings but I really don't want to come home to them making changes to my home. How should we approach this issue?