November 30, 2023, 09:47:43 AM


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

Recent posts

Pages 1 ... 6 7 8 9 10
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / Re: Never saw this one coming!...
Last post by mstrish - October 04, 2020, 10:37:39 AM
What an awful situation! However, I would suggest you stay out of it and let them work through their own issues. I have a feeling that if you get involved, somehow you will turn out to be the bad guy.
Daughter in Laws and/or Son in Laws / SIL yelling & cussing at me in...
Last post by mstrish - October 04, 2020, 10:34:33 AM
Last Friday night my SIL screamed and cussed at me because of politics. I have been so upset every since. When I calmly told him how rude he was, he stormed out and my daughters took his side! I don't know how to handle it. I feel that the male posturing happens because I don't have a husband to back me up. I want family peace, but as a divorced grandma, I need to set boundaries. But how do I do that without causing more problems?
My fingers are crossed for you!! 

Thank you so much for sharing your advice Stilllearning! I reached out to both of them this week via text to think about planning a visit either here or there during the school fall school break. DIL reacted with a heart emoji. My son didn't respond 🙄. 

I will not mention the FB post when I communicate going further. I certainly don't want to embarrass anyone. Thank you for sharing your perspective on that.

Praying while I wait to see how this unfolds.
I know how getting those messages must hurt!!  Are they coming in on your phone?  If they are you can turn off the notification so that you won't know she sent something until you feel like checking.  I had to set my Facebook setting so that I did not know when my DIL posted.  It just hurt too much.  Now I go in and check her page when I feel up to it.  It made a world of difference when I stopped getting blindsided by her posts.

Hang in there!  The fact that she is still texting is actually a good sign.  She wants to inflict pain on you because she knows that you will always love her so she can spew her anger at you and not lose you in the process.  Not reacting is the best way to go.  Defending yourself will only make things worse.  Sometimes silence speaks louder than words.  I still have hope that she will come around.  Just give her time.

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Abusive daughter rewriting...
Last post by lostatsea - October 01, 2020, 03:40:48 AM
Hi, thank you for you again for your reassuring words. It has not taken a week and I have received more abusive texts , threatening more distance from DD. So to me , it seems she just wants revenge, a finality , but then not really - maybe just wants to inflict more pain. I honestly feel that if she gets no response DD will elevate this to others to make sure they all know how awful I am. How do you deal with that? I have a responsible job and need to turn up every day. Her sibling has now decided not to correspond with her, which of course is my doing, she thinks. 
How did I raise this child, can this behavior really be my doing? I feel if I correspond she will take that as an admission of guilt and a channel to inflict more pain. Not responding is hell.Its affecting my whole life, but then again that is DDs aim.
I will not enter into therapy with DD, as it would destroy me. Im so sorry that you had that experience to go through, I don't envy anyone in that position.
Over the years several people have said to me that DDs behaviour is unacceptable, but DD also can be the sweetest person to others, so makes it doubly hard to accept that all this is turned on me and so late in life.

Ther eis no magic wand though, I will have to get through this
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: I think there's marital is...
Last post by Stilllearning - September 30, 2020, 06:21:00 AM
Personally I think it is a good time to reach out to them both.  We are, after all, living through a very stressful time because of the pandemic and talking to or communicating with loved ones is usually welcome.  I would not mention the facebook post to either one of them.  If I had posted something like that and my Mom called me and mentioned it I would feel embarrassed.  Save them the uncomfortable feelings and just call and talk about the things happening in your life and ask how they are handling things.  If they want to confide in you they will.

Hopefully you will hear from others.  What do y'all think?

My son and his family live far away.  I do stay in touch with them but not on a weekly or even monthly basis sometimes.  My son has said they are going through stressful times with his work, with the kids and with his MIL living with them - she has plans to move out because she's butting heads with her daughter, my DIL.

I have a strong feeling my son and his wife are having marital issues based on my DILs recent activities on FB.  Her latest post was an image stating "One day this pain will make sense to you."  I recognize I could be overreacting ... but I just have this gut feeling things are not good.

(A) Do you think it would be okay for me to reach out to her with a text and say "Hey.  I saw your post on FB.  Just want you to know I love you."

(B) Do you think it would be okay for me to reach out to my son with a text and say "Hey.  I see on FB DIL is going through a tough time.  Hope all is well.  Did you want to talk about it?"

Or should I stay out of it altogether and just pray mightily.  Your wise words are appreciated.
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Abusive daughter rewriting...
Last post by Stilllearning - September 28, 2020, 02:56:08 PM
L, I am so sorry that this happened to you!  If I have one piece of advice it would be to never go the the therapist with her!  I went with my DIL and the two of them spent the entire time making excuses for her and blaming me for things.  It was awful!  It was the straw that broke the camel's back.  When I walked out of the therapists office I swore I wouldn't call my DS again.  At least my reaction to the visit was absolute rage instead of feeling hurt.  Oh the crocodile tears my DIL wept that day.  I was completely and utterly done.  Come to think of it I might really owe that therapist a favor.  Without her I might still be trying to placate my DIL.  Not any more.  She can get over what I say or not.  It is all up to her.

Letting it rest sounds like a good idea.  It may take a while for your DD to realize that you are not calling her but eventually she will.  I hope she will continue to get the help she needs.  Often therapy starts out with the patient complaining about their parents or their siblings.  The patient has to work through the full gambit of their emotional baggage before he/she realizes that although they remember an incident in a certain way their memories are from a child's point of view.  When your DD is ready I think she will get back in touch with you and you will have an opportunity to get to know the adult your DD has become.  In the meantime it is your job to enjoy life.  You deserve to have fun! 

Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Abusive daughter rewriting...
Last post by lostatsea - September 28, 2020, 11:40:31 AM
Thank you SL. Im glad I found this website , it is comforting , yet disturbing to see there are so many people affected.I am convinced that this therapy has made DD think that her life has been wasted due to me. I know that is not the case and I tried to remind her of actual events where I encouraged education, better prospects, different choices but that was not acknowledged. Her bad choices have become my problem and no way to argue what has been said to a therapist. Her reality surrounds her, but personal responsibility must come into play. At 38 its time.
The bitter words, and drunken rages have had me in tears, in a hyper vigilant state to watch out daily for triggers that I might make this happen. To the point where I am apologizing for any fault that I might have contributed to her stet of mind. Even that was not accepted.

Im not saying it was easy through a divorce but I have had a number of years where it has been fine, then therapy seemed to cause these reactions.....Is it just a case if you pay money someone will agree with yo? im no expert but I can't see the good its doing.

It is with a heavy heart that I must leave it be. I really hope this is not long term, but I am bracing myself for that.
Pages 1 ... 6 7 8 9 10