November 30, 2023, 10:34:04 AM


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - daniel

Darn it. I hate that I can't edit here. Typos and bad grammar. 

Please disregard. It's why I stopped posting.

Someone here once told me to look this up sometime. It's been 5 years now since the DIL cut me out. 

It's been a long road for me, I did well with he help of some of the beautiful people here. Thank you. 

I do believe she is a narcissist now and finally found this the other day. There isn't much help for us out there. This site was a godsend for me. 

So. Here is something I SO wish I had learned 10 years ago.
Hi M,

I hope you're doing better and have been reading this forum and gaining perspective of what Luise and Bamboo has said.

Thank you again, Luise. Sending you and your son my love.
Bumping this to the top because.. it's very good.  I have this one bookmarked and have read it a few times. Thank you ladies.. you all rock and help so many of us, just thought you should know that.  Love and Hugs and Happy new year.
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Bad Counseling
August 01, 2017, 09:58:01 AM
Great news, M!! Hoping this continues and you can have a loving relationship with your son and GCs. I'm sure it is! 
My take is to just tell them your parents are going to be there for this birth. I'm betting they will understand. If you don't want them to visit after your parents leave, please don't tell them to come and then resent the fact they came.

Just tell them you are overwhelmed and would rather have a visit when you are feeling up to it. Then invite them when you are up to it.

Make certain you both sends them pictures of baby and keeps them in the loop.

If they say , hey, we get it. We can hotel it. Be very happy and say  that's awesome!
Adult Sons and/or Adult Daughters / Re: Bad Counseling
August 01, 2017, 05:19:08 AM
Oh Marina. Hugs and love go out to you. I am so sorry to hear how this went. It is so sad how these counselors can't see the whole picture and are so easily swayed by manipulation.

Thank you all for sharing your experience with this. My heart hurts for us all.

Quote from: luise.volta on June 19, 2017, 09:11:41 AM
How sad, G. Most of us here know what that feels like. We grew up in another era...parents weren't a means to an end, they mattered.

Grandchildren / Re: Coaching the GC to lie to you.
June 06, 2017, 04:51:35 AM
Thanks TH, I would never blame a little boy for anything. He is 6. None of this is his fault.

Thanks for the replies ladies. Love ya
I understand. I wouldn't like this either. Can't think of anyone who would. However...I really think the problem here is not enough communication. Everyone seems a bit too worried about hurting feelings. Communicate with them in a nice way. That is how families get over these things.
I love the idea to give them something to do. Sounds to me like they don't know what to do with themselves.

For now, the hotel thing has been decided. That's fine and I'm happy for them that this is their turn.

Please be patient and know you have never said a word to them about your feelings about this so they have no idea how upset you are. You've been keeping this inside a very long time.

Do some relaxing breathing and find some love and kindness for them and talk to them. As if they are your's ok...they will probably love you for that.
Always be honest and stop the quiet. Talk to them.

When they treat your husband that way, tell them to knock it off...he is a grown man, a husband, a father and they did love him just the way he is.

I would of loved to of had a DIL Talk to ME, instead of everyone else and then using manipulation to get me out of their life.

I'm not saying you have done this or are doing this...just giving you something to think about instead of the anger you feel towards them.

Grandchildren / Re: Coaching the GC to lie to you.
June 05, 2017, 02:29:01 PM
I see I didn't give details...

I had asked my son if there would be a party (via text) he said I invited them over for cake, or I could go to them with a cake.

He said to come there with the I did.

I said, no party this year?...I said that's ok, we are having a party now, I even brought cake.

When his aunt called he was sitting next to me and I happened to hear.

Didn't say a word about it.

Grandchildren / Re: Coaching the GC to lie to you.
June 05, 2017, 01:38:33 PM
I don't look at social media to see what I'm missing either.

I do let him share what he wants to share, I changed the subject when it was obvious he was coached. No big deal.

He doesn't go to school, his mommy says his job is helping her with the new baby and that he does a great job. (home schooled)

I don't really have contact. Hadn't seen him since January when my MIL insisted they come to my house for a Christmas celebration with her and I.

I don't get thank you's to the BDay cards, just see the canceled check to know they got the card.

Thanks for the reply Marina, I appreciate it. Makes me re-read what I wrote and can see why you responded this way.

Have a great day kids..

I think I answered my own question, why continue giving when there are no thanks given.  I am done.  Thanks ladies.

Grandchildren / Coaching the GC to lie to you.
June 05, 2017, 06:25:40 AM
Anyone else have this happen?

Do I simply back all the way off, no contact, no holiday gifts, no birthday gifts?

I'm getting better at no contact but the gift thing is still a question to me.

Saw him Saturday to give him his bday gifts. At his house, of course as they won't come to my house. Felt a little grateful for it, however, that's silly as the only reason I was even invited was because I invited them to my house to celebrate his 6th bday.

I asked him about his g, no party..then his aunt on Sunday. I knew he was lying and that I didn't have a chance so I let him believe I believed him.

Why fight that? He is 6 and none on this is his fault.

Do you send the gifts via mail or just stop altogether?

I'm not sure how to do this.
Thank you, Pooh. This is what I needed to read today. Many days I'll need to read this. Man...this is so hard. Hugs to all
I hear you, loud and clear. I feel so much the same, Marina. Thanks so much for this thread. It helps me. I hope we all find peace with this and have the confidence we need to help us get through this.

Some days I feel so strongly..others, not so much. I too have to give myself time before I respond to them.

Last weekend I took my 83 year old neighbor to the casino to celebrate her birthday. It was what she wanted. We had a blast. Got home around 9 Saturday night. I went on FB and got a notification that I was invited 5 hours before to a BBQ for my son's birthday the next day

I didn't go. I should of stopped by here before I declined and read this thread. I might of gone had I don't that. Emotionally, I didn't want to go and spend the day with her family. Wasn't strong enough for that. I beat myself up for that...but I know, it was for the best. For me.

Baby steps...

I did call him that night to tell him I couldn't come...that I had just got the message from FB about it and I had other plans that day.

I did get the new address from the event tho, so I sent him a card...and his wife too, for mother's day.

Her bday is next week...I'll send a card but don't want to put money in it this year. I hate feeling that way.