November 28, 2023, 12:38:07 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - bjranch2002

1
My son and his first wife and the three grandchildren, we all had really good relationships
I even lived with them in VA,while he was in the Navy.
They divorced and he remarried. New DIL problem started the day of the wedding,  As with you the
Same thing happened not just to me, but his entire maternal family.
I was a single mom and his father was never involved. I was able to race him with he says and stuff with my parents one of my older sisters and her husband. So thankful for them being there during that time he turned out Great, excellent manners, never abusive never lost his temper.

First time I met her it was my birthday and you took me out to breakfast.
Unbeknownst to me she was tipsy, and kept telling me not to worry about my birthday at least I'm not 54. With my son constantly kicking her under the table, because LOL, I was 54, and no time did she say she was sorry or
Or even acknowledged for rudeness to me.
Then my Son asked me to co-sign on her ring which I did, also  I thought I was partially financing the wedding of her dreams,including the $1600 dress, both rings etc. My present to them was the honeymoon bridal suite at a Chatteau, as she requested

When they got into financial problems when he couldn't keep up with the $1600 child support,  which is a felon or Mortgage etc.

I volunteered to finance, them getting custody if they wanted, free and clear no repayment.


It turned out that the mother's live in boyfriend was on probation for strike 3 and endangering the welfare of a child involving alcohol and firearms

My  Grandkids were 6, 4 and 2. Now 18,16 & 14., just like you no happy calls, no pictures, no Thanksgiving no Christmases,
I tried Christmas once, I was waiting for them  in the doorway Santa hat, 2 bags etc.
They did a u-turn and drove off.

For the last 11 years I've continuously trying to reconcile and did  all the kids birthdays and Christmases with cards and money.(she had a son age 6 also)
Surprise DIL sent this text:
"You are not welcome in our home because of your actions and nobody else. You aren't invited or included in the kids' lives for those same reasons. It's not okay for you to wait outside our house or show up uninvited to our kids' private games. (they were public games my son told times and dates )
It's best to keep you out of our lives."
my son was unaware that she sent this text to me. He spoke with her about it and the stonewalling started and it ended up in the last 3 years that I wasn't even allowed to go to the bathroom in their house. Very strange indeed.
When the first grandchild was born within 3 months (2003) my mother had signed over the family home free and clear to my son and his newborn baby girl.
My granddaughter decided to move out at 17, he was furious. I tried to remind him he did the same thing. He would not speak to her from April to December 2020.
He literally forced her into signing the house 100% over to him. By refusing to speak to her till she did. My Mom's intentions was to keep the house in the family to maybe help him not have to pay him mortgage or someone else further down in the generations. All he wants to do is get out from under it and sell it. He could have given it to his daughter free and clear.

I was furious and my response was:
"💡How can 2 people that shunned their entire family,  never attended any holiday or family activities, for over 10 years. Can have any rights to the family property."
Wish he would be the son I raised and not this hateful imposter."
The research is completely accurate and estrangement causes:
chronic stress depletes your physical and mental resources, grinding you down on a day-to-day basis.
The effects of chronic stress are very serious; it lowers your resistance to other life problems, worsens your daily mood, and impairs your health.
For 11 years I've tried and good faith. For reconciliation.
Now I find myself in the twilight of my Life, and it has all been  "Wasted time"