November 28, 2023, 01:08:32 AM


"Welcome to -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."

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Messages - newgranny2000

My DD and SIL recently welcomed their first child, a beautiful GS. I should be beaming with joy, but instead I'm sad, hurt and becoming resentful. I dont just feel left out, I am left out of our GS's life. I'm disappointed with DD, but irritated and tired of her controlling MIL.

In the day of the engagement I saw the transformation of her future MIL. The dominating control is getting to be too much for me, and to a point I feel like giving up on trying to be part of my DD's life. I'll see her when I see her, hey no expectations means no disappoinments.

When the kids told us they were pregnant was exciting but I also felt I didn't exist. They made their announcement to his parent's by taking them out to this very nice steak house. The kids presented to my DD's MIL a present and when she opened it, there were a pair of baby booties. Mind you all this is being video taped for posting on social media. The MIL cried the FIL started dancing and the restaurant goes were clapping. The next day the kids came over to give my DH his birthday present. As he opened is present my DD told me I can play with it too (that was it for announcing I'm going to be a grandma). It was a sleeve of golf balls that had printed "You've been promoted to Grandpa". We were super excited. The kids shared the video of his mom opening her gift and my heart sunk just as it did when I found out my DD's MIL took "MY" DD shopping for her wedding dress.

We were told the kids wanted to alone for the birth, which I understood and respected. While in waiting room, DD wanting both me & MIL to come see her. Her labor was really tuff and I started to tear up seeing my DD in so much pain. Both MIL and went back to waiting room and shortly DIL came to see us and asked MIL to come back. They decided I couldn't handle being in the room, so I missed out on the birth. We all went to see new GS and of course MIL was the first to hold the baby. Everyone congratulated MIL on becoming a grandma, not "grandmas", in fact nothing was said to me. I even had to push my way through the others just to see my DD.

We've probably seen him 10 times, because I've ve driven over to their house, again this is perfectly fine. I've been able to babysit him 3 times, which was awesome. Now as for DD MIL & family, it's 3 & 4 times a week AND the kids go over to there place several times during the week. Originally my DD asked if I would help with childcare. I don't work and was looking forward to it. MIL & family have a very successful business, and MIL would try and help one day a week.

SIL now has his own business and works out of the house, so he cares for GS. I told him to call me anytime if he had meetings or needs a break.  I've been called 3 times. Apparently he has needed a sitter several times every week, which has been his mom. I discovered my 3 days  with my GS was because his mom was busy

Thursday I asked my DD what time would SIL be dropping GS off at our house. SIL and hubby were playing in a golf tournament. She said MIL will have GS. Also this weekend the kids are going out of town for their business. I, again, asked about babysitting. Her same reply, he'll be with MIL. She later called me to say she forgot to ask me if I would take/babysit their dogs. She doesn't even think of me to babysit my GS, good to know I'm allowed to see my grand-puppies.

We all live within 20 minutes of each other. I'm having a hard time processing the fact that MIL isn't willing to even share the weekend so we both can spend time with our GS. I've talked to my DH & he knows how it is affecting me. He just says "that's the way she is, SIL is a mommy's boy and under her control". My daughters and I have always had a fun, close, healthy mom-daughter and they have a great daddy-daughter bond. The girls are 8 years apart and the best of friends, we are blessed. I'm having that same sick feeling I had when future MIL took charge of my DD & SIL's wedding (400+ guests & cost of $64,000). DD allowed and is still allowing this women to kick me to the curb as if I didn't exist.

At times I think I'm over reacting, but my friends & relatives have noticed this woman's need for control. I only shared with my bff and DH how much my DD has hurt me. One day my youngest DD comes up and hugs me. She then tells me she will never do to me what her big sister has done. Come to find out my youngest DD feels the same way. Her comment to me was "I've been tossed aside, even his little cousins come before me". She is referring to Christmas. The kids have to go to his aunt's house first thing i
n the morning to watch his little cousins  open their presents. Then it's over to MIL's for their Christmas and then everyone converges to grandma and grandpa's for a big Christmas breakfast. And finally they fit us in for maybe 3 hours max because they have to be back to MIL's the big family Christmas time. My two girls created their own sister Christmas traditions and my DD tosses her lil sis aside for her new family, not even try to speak up and let her MIL know we are also a priority in life. This is with each and every holiday now. I've already told myself and mentally preparing that we won't be seeing our GS much during the holidays.

My DH has been talking about moving out of state, which I have been against because of the kids.  Our youngest and her boyfriend have already said they will be moving out of state due to cost of living. Now when the subject of moving comes up, I'm more open to the possibility. Seriously it really won't matter if I'm 2-3 hours away my GS. I'm only 20 minutes away now and I never see him. At least being out of state and not knowing much about my GS will sound better when my girlfriend's inquire. Because with they ask now it sounds like a uninvolved grandmother.

I'm at a loss, my heart hurts and I'm exhausted. Why can't people understand how their actions affect others?