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Hi there, I am a new member, joined only today. Upto a few months ago I was an absentee MIL as I lived in a different country to my son and DIL. Now I have moved closer to them to help with the toddler and the 3 months old baby. I got on well with my DIL when I was far away, but the close proximity has brought about some problems which I wish I didn't have. I'm not good with conflict and like to have everything harmonious. Now things have changed quite amazingly. I thought I would help and with a lot of good will everything would be fine. Now I have to find out that I cannot be a help in the house because I do not do things the right way. I cannot look after the toddler, because he only wants his mum. I seem to be doing the wrong things all the time. I get reprimanded from my son for saying the wrong things and that hurts.
My DIL and I are perfectly reasonable people with a good deal of human warmth and understanding for other people. I do like her a lot and appreciate what she is doing. But I do feel such a stranger in her house. She is very close to her own parents who help her a lot. This is okay with me.
I did have a responsible job before I retired to become a full time grandmother, but now I seem to be failing on all counts.
I am quite spontaneous and often do my own thing without telling the son or DIL. My husband is still working abroad so I try to see as much as possible of him too. Maybe that is the crux of the matter. I have my own life and son and DIL expect me to be at their beck and call. I need a job description for the new job I'm embarking on.
Any help from the community? I don't think I'm an awful MIL but not sure anymore and after all 'it takes two to tango.' I love my grandkids and would like to play an active role in their lives. Maybe DIL is stressed with the new baby and when things have settled down our relationship will be better. Here is hoping.