March 28, 2024, 11:31:31 AM

News:

"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - SunnyD

1
Dear Frustrated Oma,
Thank you for your reply to my post and I wanted to extend my heartfelt support to yours as well.  I really feel for your situation and how difficult this wrap our heads around what has happened.  My DS was from a loving and supportive family as well, so this is all such a terrible shock! 
Please enjoy your vaca time!
HUGS!
2
Thank you for all the responses! I appreciate the hope Stilllearning and jdtm! and Frustrated Oma, hello my fellow newbie!
I am still in shock, but so incredibly thankful to have found other women in similar situations with shared stores and advice. 

I do have to admit, right now, I don't understand  "suck it up and take the high road"?  What exactly is the high road with an abusive person?
This was the first time we met her, so if she is emotionally abusive, verbally attacking people, breaking things,  threatening divorce and storming out on Christmas day to her husband, child and his family,  then I am terrified she is capable of much more!   I truly want no part of someone like that nor do I want to put me, my DH or youngest DS in harm's way, so how am I to be connected to our DS, without accepting her?    I will always continue reaching out to my DS,  with great hope that he knows deep down that we are here to support and help him.  I imagine he feels very shamed that his wife is abusive  :(    and probably one of the main reasons he is not responding to us now.
I will keep believing JDTM! I surely will believe, hope, and pray that he will be safe!
All my thoughts are with all of you Wonderful Wise Women!
3
Thank you luise.volta - I really appreciate the support and thoughts. I too have been wasting so much time thinking I can "fix" this.  I don't know why I think I should be the one fixing this when, it was the DIL who should be fixing things and repairing the relationships.  I still feel this heavy grief of the loss and the brokenness of our family - my youngest son, has been so devastated that is older brother hasn't even called home....
It is all such a shame!  I read that my mothers on here, say the same things - like - " we just don't understand , we love them, came from a good family, nice childhood.... ..." 
So, I think part of this process for me, is just not understanding why someone would be so cruel and deny a loving family.
I suppose that will take time to let go of as well. ...

Can anyone make some suggestions of things you did to learn to "let go"? 
thanks again!
4
Thank you so much Bamboo2,

I appreciate the insight, the caring words, and even some hope.
I think I will seek out some counseling as there is such depression, worry, and grief- for the past few months. I absolutely agree with you that we will have to move forward with our lives and pray he will seek some help too.

The little girl has since moved in with her Bio Dad, and is in a safe home.

But I realizing more and more that DIL   
Is isolating my son more and more and it sure feels helpless to watch him travel this road.
But, I agree with you and appreciate your wise words - of telling him we will not be apart of such things- but that we will be here for him when he needs us.
Again.. thank you!
5
My Son came home for Christmas with his new wife and her darling 3 year old child for the first time. We had never met his new wife, but were thrilled to meet them. Untilll she got here...
She ignored us, gave us the silent treatment, broke things in our house, hit her daughter, pinched her daughter, stated a fight with our son, screamed,   And stormed out on Christmas Day, threatening my son with divorce.
And he followed her! ?
Since then, he says everything is fine and that he was embarrassed by her actions but she is a great person.  He has lied to us, will barely contact us, and of course she has made no contact with us.  We are worried and heartbroken. I don't know what to do to connect with our son to support him with an obviously very abusive woman.. and still state that we will do not accept abusive or cruel people in our life?
Thank you for this wonderful and supportive website! I've read so many heartfelt stories already.
I'm just not sure when it comes to a person abusing a man and her own child/ not our blood GC, but she was so sweet and I can barely handle the thought of this child being hurt! Let alone accept that my son is a part of it?!
Thank you!