You know it's bad when you have multiple dreams of the same thing.
Why do I keep dreaming of having a Last Supper with the in laws? It all goes well until suddenly I go around the table and say a quiet, but firm "I'm done with you" to each of them and walk away. This is starting to disturb me.
And I'm embarassed, DH heard me last night. (I talk in my sleep)
Help!
Ooops, sorry Luise.
We often do in our dreams what we can't do in real life...like fly. Do you breathe well through your nose? If so, tape your mouth shut before you go to sleep. :-X
No, not at all.
Hmmm
Oh, darn! Well, then, I'd take the 5th Amendment each night before dropping off. Or maybe tell him about the dream and get his take on it?
I'm a big believer in our subconscious manifesting through dreams.
Oh, oh...
Quote from: Pooh on February 07, 2011, 08:17:36 AM
I'm a big believer in our subconscious manifesting through dreams.
:-\ I hope this doesn't come across as stupid as it sounds -- but what does that mean? Like my subconscious is telling me I want to do that?
Not exactly that...Lol. But if you are having issues about something, you suddenly have a weird dream about something related.
Ok, I had one the other night. Saturday, I have this weird dream about being on a see-saw at a hospital. And every time I went up, they were scanning my chest behind me, but it was going too fast and I was about to fall off. They were yelling at me for not staying still, and I was yelling back I couldn't because it was going to fast!
I am totally sure I had that weird dream because I went to the doctor Friday and I have to have some more tests. But, I don't think they will put me on a see-saw! ;D
Ah, ok. So maybe I'm just working it out and won't become a raving lunatic. The dreams are so vivid though.
Ha ha. You are fine. You have had this on your mind a bunch and it is carrying over into your dreams. I have read many books on the subconscious, and it is fasinating.
Lately I've been bothered by feeling that my DS's ILs think DS is their son and we don't exist. I had a dream the other night that I was playing and laughing with their DS while his parents looked on in disapproval. It doesn't take much effort to figure that one out!
Once you're awake, you're still in charge...no matter what your subconscious is up to.
I dreamed last night that someone had painted around my base boards. My rooms were a soft cream and the paint was a very bright blue and a bright yellow. I tried to call "maintenance" but I couldn't get the number right and got a girl who said I woke her up but that was OK, she was ready to talk, now. Then I asked my dad and he started reciting the names of four philosophers. The phone was round, on a cord, strange looking thing...and I just couldn't get my message out there.
Quote from: pam1 on February 07, 2011, 08:25:24 AM
Quote from: Pooh on February 07, 2011, 08:17:36 AM
I'm a big believer in our subconscious manifesting through dreams.
:-\ I hope this doesn't come across as stupid as it sounds -- but what does that mean? Like my subconscious is telling me I want to do that?
Hi Pam
I'm guessing what it means it, that our subconscious thoughts are not always available to us, sometimes, emotionally we blank out thoughts, so when we sleep, those thoughts come out in our dreams, and what she is doing, in her dreams is something that gives her subconscious relief...it cleans her soul to be able to say to them, "I'm done".
It's perfectly normal and apparently something that is bothering her a lot...not that she wants to in reality say to them "I'm done" with each of them, Or not?
...however, it's the soul's way of relieving itself of tension. Serioulsy, I think she wants more then anything to get along with them and resolve the issue...maybe she cannot do that in reality, but in her dreams she can, by calling it quits?
Researchers agree that there is a purpose and importance to dreaming.
People who are deprived from entering the dream phase of sleep, or the REM stage, exhibit symptoms of irritability and anxiety.
also, in dreams especially the lucid dream, you are able to direct your dreams in any area you desire...and you are more willing to confront threats....overcome phobias, ask your boss/husband for a raise, and the brain activity during the dream state, is the same as a real life event, so the practice/lessons your learning in this dream state, are related to our waking world....
I wouldn't worry to much, your simply letting off steam, and by God, your husband should know how you feel, especially if it's causing you to have reoccuring dreams like this, b/c its definately upsetting you...
Hugs
Creme
Pam1~~is this something you would like to tell your In-laws? Perhaps their is sopmething you want to say to them and are a bit leary to do so?
Quote from: luise.volta on February 07, 2011, 08:47:31 AM
Once you're awake, you're still in charge...no matter what your subconscious is up to.
I dreamed last night that someone had painted around my base boards. My rooms were a soft cream and the paint was a very bright blue and a bright yellow. I tried to call "maintenance" but I couldn't get the number right and got a girl who said I woke her up but that was OK, she was ready to talk, now. Then I asked my dad and he started reciting the names of four philosophers. The phone was round, on a cord, strange looking thing...and I just couldn't get my message out there.
Oh-Oh Luise that was me doing your baseboards last night after I had my fifth...Sorry, I was sleepwalking ;)
I can see that I didn't take this seriously. I apologize.
And you're just as bad, Faith! >:( :P
Creme!!! I was just wondering where you've been. Lots of good stuff. DH knows probably only superficially how I feel at the moment and I'm not even sure that I know what I'm feeling. I dunno, I'm not much of a feeling type gal. I have two easily accessible emotions that I can identify that I'm feeling for the most part. Happy and Mad. I don't know if you saw my personality type test (it's in grab bag too) but I'm working on developing feeeeeeeelings. LOL, not so simple.
I dunno, it's hard. When I think about what I truly want in life it's just to love and be love. I really dislike ill will and negativity. Chronically mean people should just be put on an island and duke it out.
I'm ok with indifference or just a peaceful coexistence but purposely nasty? Ugh
Quote from: Faithlooksup on February 07, 2011, 08:54:19 AM
Pam1~~is this something you would like to tell your In-laws? Perhaps their is sopmething you want to say to them and are a bit leary to do so?
I don't know and that scares me.
Sometimes when I'm pushed too much I feel like I react like a LION. RAWR.
But what right do I have? I keep looking at DH and feel so bad.
Oh please don't tell me we have to start taking everything serious....or I'm in big trouble and will be apologizing a bunch.
Pam, its just because it has been on your mind a bunch. As soon as you resolve the problem, either with them, or yourself....the dream will go away. It is simply your brains way of saying, you may be asleep, but I am still functioning.
Quote from: pam1 on February 07, 2011, 09:02:54 AM
Quote from: Faithlooksup on February 07, 2011, 08:54:19 AM
Pam1~~is this something you would like to tell your In-laws? Perhaps their is sopmething you want to say to them and are a bit leary to do so?
I don't know and that scares me.
Sometimes when I'm pushed too much I feel like I react like a LION. RAWR.
But what right do I have? I keep looking at DH and feel so bad.
Pam, I think you have to know if something about them is troubleing you~~something you want to tell them but are frightened to say.....Something you have stuffed way down deep inside and its coming up when you sleep for it is in your subconscious mind--knocking on your door....
Quote from: luise.volta on February 07, 2011, 09:01:04 AM
And you're just as bad, Faith! >:( :P
I could not help myself Luise.... ;D
Oh I know that something is bothering me and I do know what it is.
I just don't know if I want to say anything to them or not. I guess I don't trust myself right now. Super angry.
Pam,
I really don't dream about people I know. Except, when I was pregnant, I dreamt I gave birth to my DD and she had my DH's smile...complete with his full set of teeth.
I'm pretty good at suppressing emotions, but I lost my best friend in a helicopter crash and then I lost another to cancer. I was brooding over their death a few months after the fact (each time), then I had a dream about each of them.
The first left behind a wife and child, and I was concerned about them. In the dream, he was going around opening doors for his wife. She couldn't see him, but saw the doors opening automatically. Somehow, I knew she'd be okay.
The second I grew up with. We were sledding (27 year olds here), and then she told me she had to go. I gave her a hug and wouldn't let her go. She kept saying, "I have to go. I have to go." So I finally let go of her...then I woke up.
I think both of them happened just b/c my brain was trying to get me to accept facts. So, maybe your subconscious is telling you you're warranted in feeling the way you do about your ILs? Since your repeating the same dream over again...maybe there is something you need to get off your chest?
Pam, well now its coming out----so what are you angry about??????
Pam~~~~ What do you want to tell them????? Tell us...we are here....
(We are both so bad, Faith! :o I'm glad I'm not alone...)
On a more serious note, if feelings aren't felt and expressed consciously, I agree that dreams could be a healthy way to express them.
Hi Creme! Good to see you!
Quote from: luise.volta on February 07, 2011, 09:24:28 AM
(We are both so bad, Faith! :o I'm glad I'm not alone...)
On a more serious note, if feelings aren't felt and expressed consciously, I agree that dreams could be a healthy way to express them.
Hi Creme! Good to see you!
Thanks, you to..... ;D
Quote from: luise.volta on February 07, 2011, 09:24:28 AM
(We are both so bad, Faith! :o I'm glad I'm not alone...)
Luise, you are corrupting me~~but that's OK for I Love you dearly!!!!!
Pam~~~where are U????
I'm here, just thinking on it.
There is a lot of backstory. Mainly just very controlling and overbearing consistent behavior.
The straw that broke the camels back was gossiping about my medical condition.
OK~~~so now I can see why you want to tell them that you are done with them....Makes sense doesn't it Pam.....They hurt you, they gossiped about your medical condition, which is unfair to you...Have you discussed this with your DH?????
Another thought Pam~~~where they really gossiping, or perhaps talking with others as far as what they could do to help???? Or getting different opinions from others???? Remember there is a difference with all of this.....So Please do weigh all options out carefully with this as well.....
Hugs across the miles, Faith
If they're talking about a medical condition that Pam wanted no one to know anything about...then yes, it's gossip. It doesn't matter whether they were concerned for her health or looking for input.
Also, even if she was open to other people talking about it...if they started chatting about how she either developed or could've prevented the medical condition, that's gossip too.
Yeah, thanks Holli. That is exactly what happened.
But more. Ahhh, I want to get it out but so paranoid. Maybe I need to change my screen name.
You don't tell a soul in my family about a medical problem.. my family can make high speed internet look slow. But if I did ask Mom that no one be told I think she would have honored that.
Quote from: pam1 on February 07, 2011, 11:24:43 AM
Yeah, thanks Holli. That is exactly what happened.
But more. Ahhh, I want to get it out but so paranoid. Maybe I need to change my screen name.
Why are you really Pam1 in real life?
Yes. That's my nickname. Pam-won, I don't think the inlaws know that tho. MIL calls me Pamela! Really fast and hard. It's funny, I feel like I just got called to the principals office every time she calls my name.
trust me the 1 following pam will throw her off.. your secret is safe with us
tmi
That is such a sad story. Facing a loss like that is horrific (been there) even if everyone is supportive. Sending love...
Pam,
I've been through miscarriages, IVF, subfertility, you name it. It's all painful, whether you have kids, don't have kids, want kids, even don't want kids. Knowing that it's your body and there's nothing you can do about what is happening is the worst.
I know people really don't know how to be supportive...but this? They have no comprehension of what happened to you, and are showing no sympathy.
Lack of sympathy is one thing, lack of comprehension is one thing, but to pass "armchair judgement" and decide what you should be doing about something they likely have no idea about is deplorable. This positively disgusts me.
I'm so sorry about your loss. I'm so sorry about them.
Oh...and back to those dreams...no wonder you're having repeats of it. I know DH handled it, but this miscarriage happened to YOU. Yes, he saw you go through it, and yes that was painful, but the only person going through the physical side and literal limbo (part of your body trying to stay pregnant, the other half trying not to), is YOU.
No wonder you feel like you need to tell them off. I don't think you've fairly had your say, while they get to sit and pass judgement on you.
Thanks, Luise & Holli.
What gets me that all these....people, DH's relatives that weren't supposed to know in the first place....well, not a one of them (except kind sister in law) offered any condolences or support. To either me or DH. Not at all. And they haven't apologized either. FIL apparently got it and oh yeah, he did send me an email apology. I can't quite muster up that that is an actual apology though. Anyway, FIL has been telling DH that he's been trying to get it through to MIL how inappropriate and hurtful it is. After a week, he told DH he thinks he finally got through to her.
And then she badgered DH about when we will spend V day with her. lol
I think this dream, well I think it means I truly am done with them. I will be honest, I knew when I gave DH permission to tell them the infertility stuff that she wouldn't be able to keep it quiet. But I'm not kidding, this isn't the first time she's stooped really low. She's blamed my parents divorce, my mothers death...apparently now that I am motherless I don't know family love. Really, I cant make this stuff up.
She wasn't going to quit. DH and I had an issue with her every.single.week. Small or big, it's all there.
So yeah, I knew it all, she'd gossip. She'd blame me. I know politics. DH has known her for 30 odd years and couldn't see this one coming or anything else coming with her bad behavior. I had had enough.
But now, I wonder. There is no way I could be in the same room with her. I'm not a drama queen, I don't go around cutting people off when something doesn't go my way. And no, it's not hormones. And it's not hatred. I have no idea what this is but there is no way I will be in the same room with her again. I feel it in my bones. Kids or not, husband or not.
You put that so well, Holli. I don't know how to explain it to him. Heck, I now have flash cards of the different emotions I can flash or point to DH. Thanks to my therapist.
He hasn't brought up my dream today, I can tell he is shook up. I think he may have a part of him that thinks cut off for right now but I will go back sometime. It's not happening.
Pam...
Jon Cohen's "Coming to Term"...read it. It saved my life after my second miscarriage. He has done so much research on this (his wife had 4 or 5 before they had their 2nd child). He is one of my top 5 favorite people in the world. I thought I was having a third miscarriage with DD...I found his e-mail via Google and e-mailed him. He got back to me in 5 minutes (at 4 a.m.) and said, "You're not bothering me, here's who you call. I'll point you in any direction I can."
I MADE my DH read it. He finally understood what I was going through.
I was gossiped about too: DH would never have a problem (turns out he has subfertility, as do I); Holli gained too much weight; Holli didn't eat right; Holli must be talking on her cell phone too much. Holli was too stressed. Why isn't she on bedrest? Why isn't she taking folic acid? Maybe she didn't really want the baby. This ALL came back to me. It's called "armchair diagnosis" and it happens when people have no idea what you're going through or what they're talking about.
There really is no decent/worthwhile explanation for why these things happen. I'm here if you need to talk about it. PM me anytime. I'll even mail you that book when you're ready, if you'd like. Again, so sorry. Support and sympathy are all you need now, and instead people expect you to worry about them? For shame.
There is something so tender, so gentle, so sweet when all of you gather protectively around one of us. It defies description. Everyone picks up the broken heart and cherishes it and a State of Grace ensues in the wounded one.
Holli, thank you.
Oh Pam, how horrible for you. I am so sorry you went through all that, on top of what you were already dealing with. I am not one for just cutting people off either. I will take and take, until I will finally not go out of my way to see or talk to someone, but will still participate in a larger group. And even with my OS and not speaking to him right now, I don't consider it a cutoff, but a long timeout because I have hopes when he matures and gains more wisdom, we can have a relationship.
But in your case, I think a humongous timeout is in order here. What she and FIL are doing and have done is inexcusable. Just the fact that she would order people to take off work, and to bring the recipes she dictates and Christmas her way or no way says how self-centered and selfish she is. And your Dr. apt., was none of her business. No, you didn't have to explain the seriousness about it, you didn't have to explain anything.
Words can not describe how badly I felt for you, reading your story. I can only say the image of your MIL and FIL tied to a firing squad pole, with me standing in front of them saying, "What? You want chicken for your last meal? Sorry, I want you to have bologna and I am going to tell you how to make it and what the ingredients are?" flashed in my head. Inexcusable behavior. That is not a relationship, that is a dictatorship.