Well folks, I guess I'm not done "trying". Maybe I'll never learn? Also, I need to learn never to say never, it always comes back to bite me.
This year, it was supposed to be my Mom's turn for Thanksgiving, because it's the IL's turn for Christmas. However, she's going to be away for Thanksgiving. I was GOING to plan a nice little weekend for the 3 of us at my Mom's cottage, but I offered for DH to invite his family (MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL & the DN's) to come to the cottage for the weekend (for the record, Thanksgiving is in early October in Canada). I did add the condition that we would ask SIL first and if she couldn't come, we were not inviting the PIL's.
So SIL said they would come! YAHOO! DD is SO happy to see her cousins. Now, I'm just waiting for DH to invite the IL's.
But, just LOOK at how much time I have to PLAN! I'm so excited.
Do you think it would be okay for me to "assign" a meal each to SIL and to MIL, IF they ask if they can bring anything?
That's awesome, Scoop.
I think it's ok to assign a meal if they ask and if they don't have to bring too much stuff.
Is it possible to have a shorter time than a whole weekend? Seems as if that is putting a lot on you to coordinate all that for so many days.
I have not read about your background with the family, but there must be some conflicts there or someone who upsets the apple cart???
I have done similar gatherings where I thought we had coordinated meals, etc. Then, lo and behold, when my DS and DD and families show up they have said, "What should we get for ______? We thought we would just go pick something up." Since it's already morning and it takes half hour to "go pick something up" for breakfast, etc....I have said "oh we'll manage, I have so much stuff here."
Did you guess that even though people said they were bringing this and that, I didn't trust that so I had bought everything imaginable anyway. ;D
It sounds great to me in theory to ask for each family to bring a meal, but will you override that when you buy groceries "just in case" someone doesn't follow through, or is unable to come?
I keep thinking of your comment that Now, I'm just waiting for DH to invite the IL's. What is his take on things?
The best holidays for me are the ones where we meet at a restaurant.... ::)
Just an aside that I thought was interesting. The stats on this site, if I'm reading them right, say the most visits to this forum have been on Christmas Day, 2010...now, wouldn't you think that would have the least amount of visits??? In our dreams holidays would be these "Leave it to Beaver" kind of deals, but those stats speak to the fact that along with celebrating or not celebrating....lots of people are on this site for support or to see if they're alone in their frustration.
It will actually be quite a drive for them, I just google-mapped (what? It's a verb!) the directions and it will be a good 5.5 hrs drive. It would be faster (but further) for them to come to our home. We're only 1.5 hrs drive from the cottage.
I'm hoping they'll come early-ish on the Saturday and leave in the am on the Monday. I think that's an "okay" weekend. Actually, I hope that SIL & her gang come on the Friday night, but that's a long haul after work.
See, when my cousins come to visit my Mom, they coordinate and are each "in charge" of a meal and that works out for all of us. That's what gave me the idea for telling MIL & SIL to bring a meal IF they offer to bring something.
As for DH, I don't know. When I offered to invite them for Thanksgiving, he liked the idea. And he doesn't think the cottage will be too rustic for MIL. But he's pretty tight-lipped, not a talker at all. I don't think he liked the idea of asking SIL before asking MIL, but he can go suck on a lemon for that. I know that's his history of MIL being the family gate-keeper talking.
He didn't jump to call them yesterday when I gave him the green light, so I don't know.
Scoop, are you thinking of having the food at the cottage and then they came prep. Or thinking of them buying food to bring with them? Is there a grocery store nearby?
Just from my experience with my ILs cottage and the logistics of getting there and where the grocery store is....it's a pain, a huge one. I don't mind making a meal and would pay them back for
the groceries. It would've been nice if they just picked up the food while they are already at the grocery store. But to be fair, my in laws are generally there for weeks or more, they aren't driving
in for the just weekend.
Scoop: I keep going back to DH, as I know from my past experience, that DH mood can make or break holiday fun for me (when I was married). Also, he has his mom in the role of gatekeeper and if those roles are changing that may put him in a tight spot...alliances to mom, wife, etc. Looking in from here, not knowing your past history, it seems you might be a bit uneasy with things as you say "I don't know" a couple of times in regard to DH.
And it sounds like there might not be an easy alternative once everyone gets there to the cottage. I always look for alternatives....."Oh come on, let's go for KFC...etc."
Just thinking about the holidays gives me a queasy feeling...I think I will book my cruise now... ;)
Scoop, good on you for considering your ILs. I hope it works out for all involved. Your plan for meals sounds reasonable if the logistics aren't too burdensome. There's no reason why the meal preparation should all be on you.
The holidays, and the days leading up to them, are extremely "hot" here! The expectations, disappointments, abandonment issues, gift-giving drama, etc. get out of hand. I start feeling it around the first of October since Thanksgiving in the US is in the latter part of November and it's then just a skip to Christmas & New Year's. Buckle up, WW!
Nothing like the holidays to smack me in the face year after year with the reality of DIL's FOO being DS's shiny new family. Our simple little doings look pretty pathetic next to theirs, lol! If we could get away we would...can't leave DDD behind on the holidays, though.
Your MIL may welcome the opportunity to bring something she cooked so she has something to eat. ;)
Scoop - I really admire your willingness to try, try, try again. Maybe having the rest of DH's family there will offset/buffer your MIL. I hope she doesn't decide to show her fanny!
Good for you Scoop and I admire your courage to try again! I think the meal thing is a great idea. I do want to ask something. What's this going to do for Christmas? Are you going to try to see your Mom now on Christmas or continue with the IL plans? Not to be the pessimist here, but you know it's probably going to come up. ;D
Quote from: Pen on August 31, 2011, 08:10:27 AM
The holidays, and the days leading up to them, are extremely "hot" here! The expectations, disappointments, abandonment issues, gift-giving drama, etc. get out of hand. I start feeling it around the first of October since Thanksgiving in the US is in the latter part of November and it's then just a skip to Christmas & New Year's. Buckle up, WW!
Pen: your post gave me a smile with the buckle up part....we could look at the holidays as an adventure instead of a nightmare (speaking for me). One year I spent Christmas in a tent in Florida..it was 32 degrees and seriously that was preferred over all the things you list that happen. I do love Thanksgiving though--just one day!! And I keep trying too, year after year but have no IL to deal with.
You know me! Love me some Christmas! I would keep my tree up year round if I had room! Lol.
See? That's why I said never say never. After last year's debacle, where MIL expected BOTH Thanksgiving and Christmas, I said that I would NEVER, EVER give them both occasions. Well look at me now, Christmas will be at the IL's, but *I* am hosting Thanksgiving (with them). I also said that I would NEVER invite them to my Mom's cottage. Look at me now!
Yes, I would expect them to bring the "groceries" for their meal (except for s+p, butter, ect). So bread, eggs & bacon (or whatever) for a breakfast, a crockpot of meatballs (or whatever) for a supper. But that's why I'm asking, because it's the "done" thing with my FOO. Each "family" is responsible for one meal, one cousin brought pulled pork, with a salad and buns, my aunt brought a pasta casserole with garlic bread, another cousin brought steak & baked potatoes. It's not even a question of the cost, it's a matter of spreading out the planning. And since people usually offer to bring SOMETHING, it's nice to have an idea ready for what they can bring.
So if the IL's don't offer to bring anything, it won't bother me. I'm sure there will be more than enough food, and we won't have to live on cat food for the next month or anything either. I'm also planning for my turkey on the Saturday, so we'll have leftovers, and I'll make some SOUP!
Scoop, maybe ask DH what would be best for his FOO and how they normally do this kind of stuff? It'll give you an idea if you are asked.
In my FOO, generally whoever hosts is responsible for all planning including meal planning. It works b/c we all take turns hosting. And people help out when they get there but the planning and logistics is left
entirely to the host. And usually whoever cooks doesn't do dishes etc.
Although, the polite thing would be for MIL and company to just go with your style of hosting, I've just found personally that whatever makes it easier for everyone to get along...well, that's
what I want to do lol.
Oh no is it this time of year again? I know I'm not the only MIL that dreads this. I know both DS are dreading having to deal with the "where do we go" drama and I know neither will be here, so why even mention it? We are family # 2 for not one but two sons. I'd like to just skip the whole thing.
Quote from: tryingmybest on September 01, 2011, 05:11:54 AM
I'd like to just skip the whole thing.
I'm with you on this one!!
Awww....Come on Ladies! We can't let ILs, Kids, Parents, extended family, ANYBODY define our holidays for us! We can host, we can not host, we can go on a shopping trip, we can go on cruise, we can have Thanksgiving at McDonalds and we can spend Christmas serving soup to homeless people! We can make our holidays anything we want them to be! We can do the family stuff and just know that there might be issues and so? Their issues can belong to them and we can decide that no matter what, we are going to enjoy our holidays! We are going to laugh at their antics and every time anything that resembles sarcasm or criticism is uttered, we can M.C. Hammer right in front of them! Let them figure that one out! If we keep letting the people around us define if we have a good time, if we dread days or even that we don't want to do holidays any longer....they win and we have gave them that power!
I am going to probably be spending Thanksgiving with just my Mom and Dad during lunch, and then going to DH's Mother's for dinner to visit for awhile. We will not have any of the 3 kids there because 2 choose not to and 1 is in the military. But I get to spend lunch with my parents, who I know that I will not have around forever. And then we get to go to his crazy family and spend time with his Mother and laugh at all the antics of his crazy siblings and cousins. It's like a Circus where we get free admission! Maybe this year, I'll bring my own popcorn.
Scoop, I know it is stressful trying to play hostess and arrange everything and I admire that you are giving it yet another shot. You are awesome! So what if they bring...don't bring...bring the wrong stuff...whatever. They can have a turkey sandwich. Tell them your plan and then it's up to them if they follow through. If they don't, then they eat a sandwich. Bah....our attitudes can really help if we just realize that they are who they are and phooey on their behavior....I'M GOING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME...NO MATTER WHAT! It's on me...not them to decide if I let them ruin my holiday.
Scoop, that's very generous of you to ask everyone over for Thanksgiving. Hopefully they'll offer to bring a meal or at least some of the food. What do the ILs do at their gatherings? Does everyone bring something? If they ask, perhaps you can have partial menus planned, let them know what they are and ask them to bring specific dishes for those menus. Good luck with your plans. DH has to get a move on though and ask his Mother.
Quote from: tryingmybest on September 01, 2011, 05:11:54 AM
Oh no is it this time of year again? I'd like to just skip the whole thing.
I dread Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Years too. This is precisely why my favorite holiday is Halloween! Each family stays home to dish out candy (except when they bring their kids to my house to get candy, but it's a short visit with no drama) I love seeing the little costumes (so cute), I love the eerie decorations (my house is always decked out), I love all the left over candy. I fix a Halloweenish dinner for my DH and I and then we cuddle on the couch and watch a scary movie! Halloween has been my favorite holiday since I was a kid and oddly enough my IL's think it's the devil's holiday so they just hand out candy and that it all the celebrating they do.
Quote from: Rejected on September 01, 2011, 07:42:26 AM
Quote from: tryingmybest on September 01, 2011, 05:11:54 AM
Oh no is it this time of year again? I'd like to just skip the whole thing.
I dread Thanksgiving, Christmas, & New Years too. This is precisely why my favorite holiday is Halloween! Each family stays home to dish out candy (except when they bring their kids to my house to get candy, but it's a short visit with no drama) I love seeing the little costumes (so cute), I love the eerie decorations (my house is always decked out), I love all the left over candy. I fix a Halloweenish dinner for my DH and I and then we cuddle on the couch and watch a scary movie! Halloween has been my favorite holiday since I was a kid and oddly enough my IL's think it's the devil's holiday so they just hand out candy and that it all the celebrating they do.
Halloween is my favorite too. Our town growing up always had a massive parade where they chucked handfuls of candy at you lol. What's not to love, costumes, candy, pranks...
Now I'm behind on my costume plans for this year, gotta get cracking!
This is why I love asking questions here.
I wasn't actually going to ask them to bring anything, I was just going to suggest something if they offered. We've found that if you don't suggest an actual thing, people all bring snacks and drinks and we end up with too much. Especially at the end of the season, when we're trying to clear out the cupboards!
But maybe a whole meal is too much to ask. So I'll tell SIL to bring snacks (IF she offers) and I'll ask MIL to bring a pie (IF she offers).
Okay, we'll I guess I'd better get planning my other meals.
Quote from: Pooh on September 01, 2011, 06:13:14 AM
Awww....Come on Ladies! We can't let ILs, Kids, Parents, extended family, ANYBODY define our holidays for us! We can host, we can not host, we can go on a shopping trip, we can go on cruise, we can have Thanksgiving at McDonalds and we can spend Christmas serving soup to homeless people! We can make our holidays anything we want them to be!
Oh Pooh, I love your spirit. I will try to figure out something that accomodates DH, DDD & I...it's not easy, but I will try. It's hard to cut out DS & DIL because DDD doesn't get to see them very often and she doesn't think it's a holiday if her brother isn't there :(
Just a little cautionary note.
Those Google Earth maps that calculate time and distance are always on the low side.
They won't calculate holiday weekend traffic and driving on rural roads that your MIL and her husband don't know.
I would allow 7 hours for their travel time instead of 5.5.
Good luck, board games may help to pass the time if the weather isn't on your side.
A sort-of update:
SIL & her gang are coming to the cottage for the Thanksgiving Weekend, yahoo! DH has been trying and trying to get a hold of his parents. Yesterday, he finally left a message saying more than just "call me back" and actually invited them. I haven't heard if there was an answer yet.
I'm okay with them thinking about it a bit. When I invited SIL, I didn't expect an answer right away, just for to think about it and talk to BIL about it.
Is anyone willing to place a bet? Who thinks my IL's will ACTUALLY come to the cottage for Thanksgiving?
I have to say that I don't think they will. Whoever said that it would be because they wouldn't have anything to eat was probably right. I even connected the reason my MIL ordered a 2nd cake at Easter, and then didn't eat any of my bunny cake, with the fact that she thinks I'm dirty and won't eat my cooking.
But you know what? We'll have an awesome weekend anyways. And they'll miss out, again.
Oh Scoop, I just hope you end up having a great time and that it all works out best for you. My SM is very weird about my cooking too; she always takes to her bed as soon as she gets here so she doesn't have to eat. She doesn't mind drinking my booze though (she sneaks it at night.)
See? Again, I spoke too soon. DH said that his parents called him back and said they would come. I'm shocked! But they're not there yet.
Booze! What a good idea. If we keep it flowing, everything will go smoothly! I'll have to start stocking up.
I'm already planning a scavenger hunt. I'll make up a personalized "Don't Eat Pete" game. I'll get some prizes lined up. We will definitely have fun.
Dang! I should have taken that bet! ;D
Quote from: Scoop on September 08, 2011, 07:19:14 AM
See? Again, I spoke too soon. DH said that his parents called him back and said they would come. I'm shocked! But they're not there yet.
Booze! What a good idea. If we keep it flowing, everything will go smoothly! I'll have to start stocking up.
I'm already planning a scavenger hunt. I'll make up a personalized "Don't Eat Pete" game. I'll get some prizes lined up. We will definitely have fun.
Lol, Scoop! Sometimes booze doesn't work that way, at least not in my case. Now a sugar high?
I admire your positive attitude, that's half the battle :) Good luck
Every other year I leave town on Thanksgiving, when it's my year to be here I prepare brunch instead of turkey. This leaves time for my adult children to go other places. I hate all this competition about where they need to be!!!!!!!! Never once do I get first billing so I try to control my expectations. 8)
Well folks - this is it! It's Thanksgiving weekend in Canada this weekend, and I'm ALMOST ready!
MIL & SIL did end up asking if they could bring something and we did assign them each a meal. It was actually a relief, because then I could surrender control over those 2 meals.
DH has spoken more with his Mom in the past 2 weeks than he has in the past YEAR! Unfortunately, she still only calls him at work. It's unfortunate because when DH is at work, he's AT WORK. He's VERY curt on the phone when *I* call him, I can't imagine how he is with his DM.
DH had us howling with laughter the other day, telling us how MIL called him again and again. "Are there eating utensils at the cottage?" (i.e. knives, forks & spoons) For the record: my Mom LIVES there all summer. DH just said "Mom, there ARE utensils. But if you want to bring some plastic ones, you're going to do whatever you want anyway." Then she called him back, right away: "Is chili okay?" So he said that SHE was responsible for that meal and if she wanted to bring chili that was okay. Then she called him back the next day, saying that the DN's (her local GK's) didn't like chili, so was spaghetti okay? He just said "whatever you want". Then she called him RIGHT BACK asking if my Mom had a big pot for spaghetti. So he said "There are pots. If you want to bring yours, you're going to do whatever you want anyway."
Hey, get this, *I* even e-mailed her directly! DH had been trying to get a hold of her, and he finally left her a message telling her she was responsible for Sunday supper. It occurred to me the next day that she might have thought that we were requesting for her to do the turkey dinner. So I e-mailed her and told her "Oh no! We didn't mean that!" She e-mailed me back asking if chili was okay. And it was nice to be able to e-mail her back and say "It's your dinner, you get to decide. As for me, I'm just glad I don't have to decide on another dinner, the choosing what to eat is always the hardest for me."
So yeah, we're pretty excited about tomorrow. I just have to get through the next 24 hours and everything will fall into place.
Hey, does anyone have any good ideas for an outdoor treasure hunt?
Scoop, sounds like it is working out the best it could :) Glad you found the humor in the chili conversation lol.
When you asked about the treasure hunt all I could think of is "chase the turkey." There's a bunch of wild turkey out here and every year you'll see some people chasing them before thanksgiving lol.
Two things I used to do with all my Sons parties that were done outside. If I did a treasure hunt, I started them all off with a paper with a clue to the location of the next clue. Every time they found the location, there would be the next clue there for the next location and so on until it led to the treasure. I found that one harder with smaller kids because they tended just to follow everyone around...Lol.
If we were outside in a wooded area or park, I preferred doing scavenger hunts. Give them all a piece of paper with how ever many items you want them to find. I would list things like:
1. A stick from the ground that has a leaf still attached.
2. A pine cone
3. A flat rock
4. A nut
etc.....and gave them all the list and a plastic bag. Whoever found the items first, got a big prize and everyone else that found all the items, got a smaller prize.
Scoop, you've got this covered!
Take some printer paper and a box of crayons for leaf and other natural texture rubbings.
Have materials on hand to make bird feeders with suet and bird seed on pine cones.
Our local Forestry Station has heaps of free stuff for kids like stickers, Woodsy Owl rulers, and old topo maps (for coloring or using as table coverings for the kids table.) Perhaps you can scrounge something similar from your local agency.
Have heaps of fun!
I hope your weekend is turning out great! Can't wait to hear how it went! We're in your pocket!
Well friends, we had a great weekend. DD and DNiece were INSEPARABLE the whole weekend, I'm sure if we had a double bed for them, they would have slept in the same bed! They paddle-boated, played barbies and even SWAM (a little bit, the water was REALLY cold).
I spent most of my time with SIL, whom I love like a sister!
BIL & DNephew did boy things together.
DH entertained MIL & FIL.
MIL is usually on her best behaviour when there are witnesses, so she was mostly good. Of course, she drove me crazy a little bit, but nothing worth writing about.
No birthday gift for me, but she did give us another anniversary gift. We left it at the cottage as a "house warming" gift for my Mom. She'll appreciate it. MIL liked the birthday gift we got for her, but I had to remind DH to give it to her.
See? I posted a few pictures on FB from the weekend. But I'm waiting for SIL's permission to post pics of the DN's. And of the pictures, there are maybe 2 or 3 with MIL and none with FIL. They didn't DO anything with the kids!
I would have to say, all in all, it was as good as it could be.
Ah, Canadian Thanksgiving!! (Took me a moment). Glad it was such a success. You are a great family woman and it tickles to see how your optimisim paid off. (Little happy dance).
Great job Scoop! Glad it went well.
Scoop, that's wonderful! You did a good thing there, glad it all worked out.
Awesome! What did you end up doing for the treasure hunt?
I'm so very happy for you Scoop! I like to picture it in my mind, what it was like to be in a real cottage. I guess there were woods and a lake, I see the front porch with a swing on it. Pine needles crunching under foot, clean cold fresh air! And owls hooting and animals prowling around at night. I used to love adventures like this when I was younger. Hope you enjoy many many more! And last but not least, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOOP! ....and also Happy Canadian Thanksgiving, precious one!
We didn't end up having the treasure hunt, we didn't need it to fill time. We did go on a nature walk to see the surrounding area, but it was SO beautiful out we spent our time down by the water.
Thanks Ruth - we do have woods and a lake, but the swing is on the back porch (it faces the water). The fall colours were just beautiful and the lake was quiet and peaceful.
SIL & BIL are really outdoors people, so they loved the canoe. We're on a quiet (shallow) bay, so the kids were allowed to take the paddle boat out by themselves. They were SO proud.
The guys helped DH with a bit of work around the cottage, things he needed strong men for.
So all in all, we had a lot to be thankful for.
So glad it all worked out. Sounds beautiful
Me too, happy it all worked out. Such moments in life have to be savoured, they add to up the pleasant memory file! :) Really happy for you.