WiseWomenUnite.com

Hi, I just found this forum and have been reading some of the stories on here. I am a single parent of almost 19 year old twins. They are constantly fighting and as I am reading some of the other stories I believe that I have given them too much as well and I have become more of a friend than a mother. I know I have blurred the boundaries and for that I am sorry. When I grew up I had a mom who was forced to leave due to schzioprenia and I was raised Catholic by my dad  until age 11 and then by my dad and my step mom. She improved our lives greatly. I think because of some of the pains I experienced early on, I wanted to be the best mom possible. I raised them in the church and so there are very aware of and empathetic adults who care deeply about others; such as homeless, they've been on mission trips, and so forth. However, they do not show any care or respect for our home. They will not pick up their dishes, or wash dishes or do any kind of "work." When they were growing up, I had chore charts and made them do work but I always compromised so now as they are 18 now they do as they chose. They come and go as they chose and I always know where they are and I know they are safe. I pick them up and take them to work, ect, and I always try to take the loving road whenever possible. But lately Ive been so upset; the anger and resentment is growing in me. I took them to family therapy and they both quit.  I took them both to counseling. They both have anxiety and depression but refuse to take the medications and I feel that since they are older now they should make that choice for themselves but I always offer therapy. When one of the twins was having anxiety issues I took her right away to a Dr. and she was medicated. Now fastforward a few years, same situation, only last year I had to pay a lot of money for another Dr. appointment for another reevaluation and then after that they wanted her to go to therapy and I tried two therapists for her and she didn't like them. So now, she refused after all the money that went into the appointment to take anything other than a PRN for anxiety and now she just uses pot to help her cope. I really don't know what to do anymore because the boyfriend she had for over a year fell apart and now they are just "friends" but he is a bad influence on her. They are both unmedicated in other words and they say really mean things to each other and I am constantly trying to get them to see each others point of view and try to put out the fires. They are always trying to hurt each  other and compete for my attention. Today I told them they should be please just move out and take their dysfunctional attitudes elsewhere. I am starting to feel more and more angry because I do so much for them. I do everything and I rarely get a thank you and they act like no matter what I do, its never enough. They are in college in their first year now. I want the best for them and Ive done the best I can but I am 53 and I feel I am so lost as to what to do. I am a teacher so I don't make a lot of money and my money is never enough for them.  Thats basically it. I just don't know what to do anymore. Ive made chore charts, Ive had talks, family talks, but I am just one single old me and I can't do it alone.