WiseWomenUnite.com

Thank you ladies!!!  It's so good to be back here with you all. 

Pooh, you are so right - it IS their news to share.  I'm happy to help them share it.

P.S.  Luise, thank you for creating WWU.  What a gift!! 

This instantaneous world of social media brings challenges now and then.  S and DIL just found out she was pregnant.  I communicated my very happy congratulations and said I would keep the news "mum" until I got the green light from them to tell others.  DIL told me she wanted to keep it secret until after she saw the doctor -- appointment is a month away.

I was on cloud 9 with excitement the day they told me but I kept my word.  I spoke with family - I didn't say a word.  My MIL came to stay with us for a few days.  I hugged and kissed her and didn't breathe a word. 

Within 24 hours of getting the news, I get a text message from a family member congratulating me on becoming a grandmother-to-be!!  I then realized that S & DIL couldn't keep the news secret for more than 24 hours and they posted it on FB.  Wish they had given me a heads up.  I had to scramble to call close family members so they could hear it from me and not from social media.  No matter their age, kids can still make you crazy.  But it's all good.

I haven't been on here in ages but I think of WWU and all you wonderful ladies quite often.  S went through some challenging times but he has made a huge huge turnaround -- he grew up.  He's responsible and we are so happy for him.  He recently married a wonderful woman who has a delightful five year old son she has been raising on her own.  I thank God every single day for where he is today and for all the support I had from WWU when he was going through some really tough times.

Now that I have a DIL I'll be here reading what others experience and the wise advice that is shared.  Our relationship is in a good place and I hope to keep it there.   

((Hugs)) to all xo

Well....  as it turns out, she is not pregnant.   I'm experiencing mixed feelings:  happy because they are not quite ready for this blessing and disappointed because I know it all would have worked out.   They feel the same.  Thank you for sharing your opinions and personal experiences.  You are the BEST!!! 

No doubt I will be back here as there are no wiser women than those found here. 

It is hard to sit back and watch loved ones falter and fail.  But sometimes sitting back and doing nothing is the best gift we can give them.

Be patient and see how things unfold.  Take comfort in knowing you did the right thing.  You are stronger than you realize.

Thank you for your wise thoughts.  My mind was leaning toward MY relationship with MY partner -- and totally ignoring the relationship between father and son. 

I just knew I would find the right answer here.  Thank you so very much for your perspective.  I do believe I can keep my lips sealed for a couple of days so our son can tell his dad directly.

And in case you didn't know.... you ladies rock.....   it's no wonder "wise" is in the name. 

Awhile ago I posted how grateful I was (and still am obviously because I'm here again!) for the support I received here regarding my adult son.  He had finally gotten his act together and is now successful in the armed services.  This momma could not be prouder of him or more grateful for these circumstances.

He has been dating seriously a woman for a few months.  My H and I have met her.  We like her ALOT!  She is a single mom with one child.  Our son has not been happier.  We could not be happier either.  They are a good match.

My son called me today to confide in me that it is most likely his girlfriend is pregnant.  (Please know an engagement was planned soon without this pregnancy development.)  Although I am somewhat worried about this, there's another part of me that is very fine with it.  They are both very capable and loving parents.  My son, as long as I can remember, always always wanted a family of his own.  I have no doubt he will be a good father.  He connects well with her son.  ANd I've already witnessed his girlfriend being a very capable and loving mother. 

He plans to marry her.  I'm on board with that.  I wish he didn't choose this timing to become a dad.  But you know what, I don't get to choose what happens when.  My job is to accept and support what is reality.  And I really am okay with all this.

My problem is I have decided to keep this from my husband, his father, until my son knows for certain, in two days, that his girlfriend is pregnant.  At that time my son will call his father directly to tell him.

Have I made the right decision to encourage this communication between father and son?  Have I jeopardized my marital connection?  Should I tell my husband now and ask that he act surprised when he hears from our son two days from now???

Thoughts?  Opinions???  Just curious to hear what "wise women" think....  Thanks! 

I think you're going to continue to keep having ups and downs as you process this unexpected shift in your life and in the lives of your family.  You are wise for spilling out your thoughts on paper (computer screen) -- it does help you work through it.  I wish you continued healing.

Oh wow!  I didn't know about the other websites.  Luise, you are a gift that keeps on giving!!

I may have another issue with my son but it's too soon to tell.  He lived out of state and had a girlfriend who is now storing his stuff from his apt. he just gave up.  He is sending his personal belongings from boot camp to her house.  This means the form letter with the graduation information is going to her house too.  I've decided to send her a card with a self-addressed stamped envelope asking her to forward a copy to us when she gets it.  If she doesn't do it, you can be sure I'll be posting again.  haha

Thanks again for your support.  Happy July 4th everyone.

Thank you again.  You ladies are the best. 

First of all, I am SO grateful I found this place at a time when my son was putting me through the darkest period of my life (worse than my husband's midlife crisis -- and that's saying a lot.)

I haven't been here in quite a while but please know I have never EVER forgotten the support I received here.  It was invaluable.

My son has been respectful for quite some time.  His job opportunities have not been promising for a very long time due to his lack of skills and education.  He graduated high school, but after several attempts did not complete college.  He has decided to join the Navy and at the ripe old age of 25 he's on his way to boot camp tomorrow. 

I am so grateful his life's direction brought him to the Navy recruiting office.  He has the opportunity to gain a lifelong skill and during this time he has also recognized the importance of family.

I've come to accept his timeline.  It had nothing to do with my expectations.  I've learned to be patient (hence, the name) and accepting (and cautious) of what unfolds before me.

I felt the need to share this with all of you simply because I wanted to show my gratitude to this forum and those who visit here for your support and guidance.  And for those who are hurting, don't give up hope.  Please know you are stronger than you realize.  Honest. 

Thank you for your taking the time to read this.  Please know you have and continue to be a blessing to me as I continue to learn additional lessons in mothering. 

A sidenote:  I laugh at my naiveté --- At the time my kids were babies I truly believed all parental worrying would come to an end when the kids were all grown up at 18.   Ignorance is bliss?  Right??  haha

((((Hugs))))) to you all ~

Didi, have you considered blocking DD's posts? I'm not an expert on FB... but I think you can do that.   Don't subject yourself to her toxicity.  You don't deserve that.  And for what it's worth, I see you as a strong woman -- you are determined to move beyond the hurt.  Kudos to you for possessing the strength to do that.  Some can't get past the pain.  You, however, are doing everything you can to get past it. 

Whether you realize it or not, you are an inspiration to others.   Just sayin'

We made the plans to visit. We have other family in the area we are seeing too.

We saw him tonight and plan to see him tomorrow too.  He's better than I've seen in a long time.  He was extremely nice and pleasant - he told us he hasn't been drinking and he stopped smoking two and a half weeks ago.

He's very excited about his new job - I can't remember the last time I've seen him this excited.  It's been a very long time.....

He told us how good it is to see us.   He did say he's been eating ramen noodles a lot. And he doesn't have cable in this (cheaper) apt he just moved into.  He says he doesn't miss TV much and he's picking up someone else's wifi in the building...  (Don't know if that's okay to do that.....)

And he has not asked for any money.  Nor have we offered any.

It has been good for me to physically see him face to face.  It does this mothers heart good.

I can't thank all of you enough for your opinions and advice.  Thanks!! It means more than you can know

Wow!  Luise, you raised a very wise son.  No surprise.

Thank you for your honest response.

As parents, we recognize vulnerability.  Sometimes it is our own.

WWUs' rock.   Seriously.

Thank you ladies!!  Yes, we have given him money this past year.  He had a car accident which set him back, but he's also been irresponsible with his money. 

I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  He's starting a new job in the next week (he has been working full time for over a year) which he's really excited about and claims this new job will have better hours and give him the time to start cooking more meals (instead of getting fast food) and better manage his time and money.  How I want to believe him....  lol

Your opinions are valued.  Thanks so much 

In a few days we're going to be seeing our (out of state) adult son whom we have not seen in 6 months.  We're traveling and plan to spend a day with him.  I've had serious issues with him over the last few months.   He laments about no money - we caved in and gave him some to help him through his rough patch - but he's not any more financially savvy than he was before.  Also during this period there were times when he was downright nasty to me - for the most part he would apologize afterward and we begin again...

Do I bring up any of this when we see him?  I feel like it needs to be addressed, yet I don't want the only day of seeing him all these months to be a rehash of the same old same old.  Maybe the day should just be light and airy. 

I'm not sure which road I should take.   Directions appreciated.