March 28, 2024, 05:15:11 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Topics - Jeannine

1
   Sometimes I have a little smile when I am around the young,, and I am not sure exactly where  defining the young in this context would be accurate.

If you are my age  or thereabouts  (in my 70s) we all know  the very sweet younger person who smiles when we reminisce. After all we are wrinklies..what do we know. Then I think of the things I have done in my life.

Apart from the basics of marriage and kids I have..

Been on the stage  professionally as a youngster.

Was a competitive long distance swimmer

Raced a motor bike .

Had two different professional careers

Owned my own porcelain/ceramics business.

Bred, exhibited and judged dogs.

Been a  serious dedicated seed saver all my life

Raised my own livestock.

Long time volunteer for many charities and causes, far too many to list,,but since I was a teenager.

I sew, knit, quilt, etc etc etc 

I even wrote pulp fiction love stories for many years.. not much of an achievement but it  paid enough in the lean years to put me though nursing school

And my last venture which was just three years ago before my body started to be  too difficult, I did white water rafting..just one full  long day only but  it was exhilarating even though I had to be lifted into the raft

I could go on and on but  I would be willing to make a guess that everyone on here could claim many similar stories in their earlier years..and probably much more interesting than mine

So why do the young smile sweetly  with just a touch of patronisation when Grandma offers an opinion .After all I wasn't always, wrinkly and creaky LOL

Come on girls ...fess up..lets have a bit of fun... what did you all do when you were "young"

XX Jeannine
2
Hi, I am new and have been reading some of the posts, hoping someone can relate to the problem I am having as I really don't know what to do... let me put you in the picture .

Three and a half years ago for many reasons I agreed to live with my daughter and son in law, they have a lovely large house and I have my own lovely 3 piece suite in the home. I gave up my own home to join them, I was hesitant at the time but there were some health problems with my husband that made it seem logical. My husband has Alzeimers and my  mobility is getting less all the time, my daughters husband is a mental health nurse, they have absolutely no money problems, the suite is lovely and one would think the situation is ideal  however.


My daughter has Bi polar disease  which she does rather use as an excuse for everything, I know  that sounds harsh but one would have to see it to know.

The situation is not what I expected, I was promised help with my husband and my own health, the reality is I  have had to put my husband into care as the help I needed was simply not there,  I was managing to cope but felt my husband needed more than I could give him alone..bathing, incontinence etc.My health started to fail quickly and finally I agreed to follow my drs advice and let him go. I had looked after him for 14 years after his diagnosis. It had gutted me as we were very very close.

My daughter goes from one extreme to the other, maybe this is her illness, but it is now affecting my health. She will willingly give anything moneywise, house renos that are not needed etc. She has replaced the kitchen in my suite because she didn't like the colour of the cabinets although they were just fine, only 6 years old...she seems to want to buy me and if i say no, she is invisible for days. then she will pop back up and she is in and out 20 times a day.. there is no stability. She loves to bring her friends in to see the lovely suite she has given her parents, always quoting the cost. Several days ago I had symptoms of what could have been a heart attack, mild but significant, I had chest pains, pain down me left arm and i was breathless, I phoned upstairs to let them know about 9.30 pm..just in case.. her husband came down , looked at me from a distance and said to phone if I got worse. I didn`t fortunately but no one checked on me till 4 pm the next day when I got a phone call from her mobile while she was out shopping, I told her I was Ok but said i was uncomfortable that no one had checked, she  seemed annoyed with me for chastising her and hung up.. that was 6 days ago and I have seen no one since. I am very concerned about the future as i am not getting any younger and feel very vulnerable.

I had lived in a seniors apartment complex before coming here, where we all supported one another, now I am isolated, sometimes go days without any contact and am getting very worried. I am in a situation that I see no exit from but.....


There is so much more I could say, many similar incidents but I think this is enough.

Is there anyone out there in a similar position that can advise what is best to do, I would be grateful as I really don`t have anyone to ask.

Thank you