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Ladies:

Looking for much needed support. Just txted and called my 19-y-o son DS last night on a whim. He was surprisingly glad to hear from me, then I discovered why. He apparently has a degenerative illness that seems to be related to Lou Gehrig's (ie, atrophy in the limbs) This will shorten his life and has already caused him to give up some physical activities he loves.

Of course, I am inconsolable and terribly confused. 
Fantine

Everyone:

I am trying to figure out how to navigate the holiday emotional minefield w/my 18-y-o DS. Of course, asking him to come for a visit is completely out of the question. There's no way I'd spend that kind of money just to have him here to torment me (which he would relish doing).

On the one hand, I want to reach out to him, but I know as sure as I do, anything I say, do, or send (in the form of cards, gifts) will be ridiculed and thrown back in my face by DS and DH. They're like a couple of hyenas, those two, and one of their favorite pastimes is --- me. If they can find a way to make sport of me, they're going to do it. 

So --- if I don't make contact w/him over the holidays, I'm a bad mother. If I do, I set myself up to be mocked and picked apart. I can't win. 

Who else is dealing with this quandary? Who has advice?
Fantine

Hard to believe this statistic, but in this month's Smithsonian magazine (Oct 2013), page 18, the statistic reads: "51 --- Percent of US parents who say they have "amicable" relationship with their AC."

WOW!!! 

Is anyone else as shocked by this as I am? (no source was given)

This surprises me for a few reasons:
1. For this stat to appear in a magazine of such repute as Smithsonian is telling. If their editors consider it newsworthy, then it probably touches a lot of their readers.

2. The percentage (51%) is far lower than I thought it would be. I really would have thought that this figure would have been in the 70s or so.

3. If this stat is accurate, Luise may find a whole lot more folks who are interested in being a part of this forum!

4. This stat makes me wonder if it's cool for ACs to claim that they are estranged from their parents.

Thoughts?

Hi ladies:

Issue: I have accepted that my son doesn't want me in his everyday life. He moved out three years ago at age 15 to live with DD and his "new mom." I get it, and I'm working to accept it, even still. He lives 700 miles away, and I only see him once a year as is. However . . . .

Now, he refuses to even reply to my texts, which are only about twice a month, if that. Very friendly, placating. I stopped calling and stopped emailing him because even once a week was too much for him. But now he can't even be bothered to reply to my texts that are, at most, twice monthly? Really? 

I read his posts on FB (as a lurker --- I'd never *dream* of posting any comments, as he has already made it plain that my posting only "creates more problems" for him and questions from his friends for him that he doesn't want to answer) and he's happy as can be, just loving life.

Should I just cut my losses and stop contacting him altogether? The rejection is starting to wear on me. I deserve so much better than this. Like you other ladies, I really worked hard for the years that he lived with me to give him the best life I could. Doing so put me in financial ruin and it will take me at least the next 15 years to get back to 0. 

I just don't get it . . . . 

Comments/suggestions, please?
Fantine