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Shelby,

I'm in a similar situation and finally came to the same realization as you but it wasn't easy getting to this point. I was so heartbroken, first, when I couldn't see DS on a regular basis and then my GC, we don't have GP's equal status, but it's ok now, DH and I have a lot of catching up to do, when we see them we make the best of it. We have two other children so we'll have other opportunities...

Hugs.

Shelby,

I think delivering gifts at Christmastime is a very kind and thoughtful gesture, we've done it too to some of our neighbors. When you don't have a good relationship with your DIL she will probably find fault in anything that you do. I'm also guilty of telling DIL stories about DS when he was little, at first she didn't seem to mind, or so I thought, but before long I realized she didn't like it or the fact that I've always put DS on a pedestal, he was my prince, guess she thought he was a mamas boy because he had me on a pedestal as well, but that's not so, those who are good sons make wonderful husbands and fathers and he is both plus he's extremely responsible and protective of his family, just like I taught him.

I understand the hurt that you felt when your father was in the hospital and DIL didn't  inquire about him, my father died and DIL didn't come to his funeral,  my DF was always very nice to her and while everyone had their spouses with them my DS showed up alone, she should have been there at least to support her husband.

I thought having a grandchild would change our relationship for the better, that DIL would understand what it's like being a parent, I was wrong again. So you see, we just need to learn to live without our DS and concentrate on us and what makes us happy, it is possible to have a happy life again, once you get used to pampering yourself it makes it easier to stop longing for what you have no control of.

Hugs.

LL, I'm so sorry. How long were they planning to stay there? And by the way, I'm going through a similar situation with DD, she's had many problems with DB trying to protect us and now she wants nothing to do with him, not even with her little niece, she says she's protecting her heart...Unfortunetely there's nothing we can do but stay out of it and hope they can work it out someday (hopefully soon).

Oops! I must have misread something, Louise. Sorry for my ignorance.         
   Hugs.

Pooh,
I'm so sorry to find out you're going through this and I think your mother's idea is brilliant. Further more I know of two wonderful doctors that specialize in scleroderma, both in the Washington DC area: Dr. Fredrick Wigley at Johns Hopkins Hospital and Dr. Virginia Steen at Georgetown University Hospital. You could go to either one for an initial consult to make sure you have the right diagnosis and then they could refer you to someone in your area to continue the treatment. I can tell you Dr. Steen is one of the most caring and compassionate doctors I have ever known and I've heard the same about Dr. Wigley. They are both very busy and you have to wait a good couple of months to get in but if you don't mind a few hours drive you could even turn it into a mini vacation, the Washington DC area is beautiful in the fall. Bear in mind that John Hopkins is huge while Georgetown University in my opinion is more easily accessible. You can do some research and find out more about their credentials, etc. I wish you the best of luck.
(((((((((Hugs)))))))))

Morninglight,

Your daughter is very young, she's just now starting to explore what life is all about, being on her own, etc., things will probably stay the same for a while but maybe not forever, we all need our moms at one time or another and if you were that close before, you could be close again. In the meantime you should concentrate on you, find other interests and have no expectations, no one knows what the future will bring.
I was closer to my son and my daughter was a daddy's girl and now that our son has replaced us with his wife's family, DD and I are really close and enjoy eachother's company very much. This is just an example of how things change when we least expect it.
Hope you find this forum a great help.
Hugs.

Mom,

There really isn't that much more for me to add, just want you to know that I feel your pain, I was a stay home mom and my life revolved around my children, it is possible for you to enjoy life again and I hope you start taking the necessary steps towards that goal.

Hugs.

LL, I wish you all the luck in the world, it's not going to be easy at times but you're doing the right thing. If I were in your position I'd do it too, I could never say no to any of my kids specially if in need but I must admit I would be a very unhappy camper, now that all my kids have moved out and I've had a taste of having the run of the house again, I wouldn't want to have anyone living with me. Try to focus on your GD and let everything else slide and hopefully time will go by fast and you'll feel good knowing you helped them out and if you're in need of advice or just want to vent you can always come here.
                                             ((((Hugs))))

Pam1, that sounds absolutely wonderful! Do you mind sharing how you go about doing that?

Is there any way that your DIL's FOO could include the two of you on some of the ocassions? On the holidays that our DS isn't coming, we get together with our DD's in-laws and other times our FDIL's mother just so that we're not alone, it works out really good.

Julia, I hope you feel better soon.

(((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

Thanks everyone. Just to let you know I have been pretty much where I am for some time now, once in a while I need reassurance or just to vent, even though I have accepted my situation I sometimes still wonder why we let it get out of hand, I was very devoted to my parents, I didn't depend on them at all, but always made sure they knew they were special. My other children although are very busy with their lives,  still make DH and I feel loved while the one who was the closest, to me at least, is so distant and makes us think he doesn't care, go figure...

I've been away for a few weeks and I'm still very confused about what's happened.

Louise, I for one want to thank you and Kirk for all you've done and continue to do in order to help so many in need. Words cannot describe how much this forum has helped me. I still wish I could change things and go back to having the relationship with DS that we once had but I am very at peace with myself and enjoying all that life has to offer thanks to this forum and it's nice to know whenever I'm in need of support or just vent, I can always come back.

I also want to thank the new moderators, you're doing a fine job.

Love to all.

HD,

I remember reading your posts when I became a member and always enjoyed reading them. Like you, sometimes I've felt like throwing in the towel but I still don't have the guts to do it. I'm glad you've decided to stay.

Wishing everyone a Happy Easter. Love to all!