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Hi Luise, that sounds like my idea of heaven. I am watching a program on t.v currently, about people living and surviving in log cabins in Montana. As i live in the UK, it is even more exciting to see that kind of scenery. The lamp is lovely. The only thing that would worry me, is when they say if they let their beloved dogs out, they wonder if they will see them again, because of the bears. That would be a hard one for me lol. Homely60

Hi Pen, yes i agree, whatever life throws at us, it always helps if we continuously recharge our batteries. Homely60

Hi Pooh, oh no it doesn't. It sounds very normal. You don't need any dramas. I am working on being exactly like you. I need to, as i have a real problem with just believing everything people say. I cannot see that some of it is rubbish, or just lies and these type of people make you feel bad, so we do not need them. I too think there is something wrong with me, if i even admit to myself that i love my dog more than most people and my happiest time is walking her around the fields. Why because of exactly what you have just said. You can have a quick chat about normal things, it never gets to a personal level and then you feel great afterwards. I totally see where you are coming from and you have made me feel better, as i strive to be the same. Life is so much more pleasant, if you grasp that it is ok to be choosy about how you spend your time. Homely60

Hi Pooh, very funny and very true. I find it is so much harder to get over things when your older. They don't seem to stick so much and you bounce back much more quickly, when younger. Maybe that is even more proof that we just need lots of nice things to do and look forward to. Homely60

Hi Wendy, i think if we don't want them to end up going nc, we have to be careful what we do and say. I tried hard to get on with my life and leave son alone, to get on with his, but even that wasn't enough. I was then accused of not caring about my gd. I am sick of making myself so down over this, it is difficult not to feel as if you are going though a mini bereavement. My son is also in contact with his bio f, who abandoned all three children, when my son was two. Even he is better than me at the moment lol. That is why it is so hard to understand. I am the one who raised him, who made all the sacrifices and really adored him and i am the one he rejects, for the company of anyone else it seems. He has also rejected one of his sisters, she was so hurt by that as well. I do not know what is happening to him. I have decided though that me pressurizing him, will only add to his problems whatever they are. If i leave him alone he might remember the real me, not the one he has conjured up in his mind at the moment. Many years ago i would have sworn, that you must have done something terrible for a child to treat you like this. I now know that it is absolutely not true. As i have said before, i know deep down inside the things that my son might be working through, but it would never justify what he has treated me like. I have also read somewhere that when an adult child works through his own problems, he can project a lot of stuff onto the person who loves him the most. So i am working hard to stay strong, to try and let him see that my life still goes on and whatever is the problem, i am certainly not part of it now. If he bears grudges from the past that i wasn't aware of and decided to stay nc, there is absolutely nothing i can do. Many people have assured me that he will be back. I am not sure that is the truth, but i will have to wait and see. I cannot believe how many people go through similar scenarios. The biggest thing i have learnt is to get on with my life, after all we don't know how long we have and we shouldn't waste it, every moment is precious. Homely60

Hi DaxiesMom, you sound like a wonderful and caring mother. I am exactly the same when it comes to recognizing the problems from the past with my son, although they hardly warrant this kind of behavior. I am glad your dil at least responded to your text msg. I am sure they have their own problems, which is adding to your sons behavior at present. I truly hope that you are taking care of yourself. We are after all human beings with our own needs and we deserve to be happy. We all seem to be a work in progress when trying to make ourselves happier. Homely60

Hi Froggy, the thing that stood out to me, was when you commented on the marks on the windows. That said to me that you are absolutely exhausted from it all. When i make comments like that to anyone, it is always because i am coming to the end of my tether, not because of the children's fingerprints. Nothing screams out more that if you don't start taking care of yourself, instead of everyone else you will burn yourself right out and have no energy to build yourself up again. As i have said before, i think we have actually forgotten how to make life fun, without involving the children and gc. So many parents spend money as well helping their children, to realise when it is too late that we can be used, even by them, as painful as that is to take on board. Your sons, like me, sound like they have many issues to resolve, but only they can do that. Is there anything that you really enjoy doing, or something nice you could start doing to help you to feel happier. I do believe that i have problems with self esteem, that hinder me in moving on. I think we should all help each other, to enjoy life to the max and if our children do decide to be part of it, that is a bonus, but if not we will still enjoy everyday. Homely60

Hi Wendy, so sorry to hear that you have been so hurt by their behavior. I can imagine what it would be like, for my son to not want a picture of us together. I have different circumstances but a similar outcome. Many little things that caused me a lot of pain and now my son has gone NC as well for the last seven months. One thing that has literally tortured me, is trying to understand why he would do this. We always had a good relationship. However i have had to accept i might never know the real truth about what is going on. That i will have to accept things as they are right now, or drive myself crazy. One thing that has helped a lot, is to read that my son might be going through something in his own life and to be told that it wasn't all about me, which i realise now is true. I did the best that i could when he was growing up and i am aware of were i did go wrong and what i would do better, if i had another chance. I have a little insight into what my sons problem might be with me, but i cannot do anything about that. He has to learn to deal with his own stuff, however he sees fit. I do not want to be around him now, if he can only use that time to continually show me, that he has some issues with me. It is like they need to grow up and see life isn't just black and white. Another thing i had to be careful off, was the fact as i was so emotional, every thing they did upset me in the end, because i wasn't being treated how i always expected to as a mother and grandmother. The best thing that has happened is to see this as a new start in my life. That i need to work on myself and how much i enjoy my life independently, of any expectations from my children. It so simple a concept, but very hard to put into practice as we have spent a huge amount of our lives just living for them. One lady told me, start putting yourself first, pamper yourself and you will be surprised how nice that can feel. One thing i haven't done for many years is to pamper myself, it felt much too indulgent and selfish, but it is nice lol. You sounded by what you have said you did for the wedding, as a very talented lady. I am sure there will be many things that you would love to do, but never found the time. I am hoping that this period of nc with me and my son, will enable both of us to grow and learn more about ourselves. I know you will find this hard to start off with, but it will get easier. Homely60

Hi Faith, he sounds adorable. I actually feel guilty sometimes, for loving my dog so much that it does compensate a lot for what i have lost. We have snow also, but can still get out and all the dogs have loved every minute, of playing in it as well. Although my dog wasn't impressed when she came across her first snowman lol. Even talking about the good things in our life helps, because making animals happy can be so uplifting. Things like feeding birds when they can't get any food. I have been baking bread for them, because i have noticed they prefer homemade to shop bread. They really made me laugh, fussy birds.

Hi Faith, yes i think my son is in a terrible predicament. He has a very responsible job, with long hours. They also have a tied cottage, which makes things even more complicated. The cottage goes with his job, so if he decided he had enough it wouldn't be just a case of one of them moving out. Even more terrifying for him as well, would be the thought of him losing his d. His gf has done all the classic things that people with personality disorders do. She drives without a license, has got them into debt, she doesn't do housework and cooking, my son does it all. Quite plainly she has got him trapped. The thing that i cannot understand though is why he didn't allow us to help him, i am sure he would if she had a physical illness. I suppose she wont allow that. Also she is painfully thin and if she gets stressed she stops eating all together and i think that worries son sick as well. Homely60

Hi DaxiesMom, when you text him, do you ask him when you are going to see him next, or do you  also send some that just say hi, hope you are ok and mention what you have been doing. Because if our sons are busy and stressed maybe it just adds to the tension of their day, if we are asking them to ring or call around. Maybe you don't send texts, that intentionally irritate him but sometimes we don't think of the most obvious things ourselves as we are so upset. Homely60

Hi Pooh, you have just said in a nutshell, exactly what i want and need to hear. It doesn't matter what i do. Yes my son does know that i love him and i truly want to move on. Maybe that is what i am afraid of, by moving on it looks as if i never cared. That is not true, so it makes me happier that i wont to move on, hearing that it is ok to do so. This is why i need to ask people, because i never thought of that till now. Thank you 

Hi Faith, one thing i always tell people is that my dog, is the one constant and wonderful thing in my life, that brings me nothing but  unadulterated happiness. When i see her beautiful face with shining eyes, looking at me as we walk across the fields everyday and the fact that we both just love to cuddle up on the sofa and she is so warm and squidgy lol. There is absolutely nothing like the unconditional love of a dog. I might be a bit ott about it, but it really is something that can make you smile on the hardest of days. Also they wont let you sit and mope around, because you have to stay busy and active for them. Homely60

Hi DaxiesMom, i am so sorry that you are going through this. I know how stressful it can be and the feeling that you cannot do anything right, is so demoralising. I think you are in a very unique position though, by learning as much as you can from here and  any other place that you can, about how common this situation is. The best advice is definitely to fill your life with as much as you can, that doesn't involve them. I know it is possible that FB can be used to upset people, so best not to look at anything to do with them on there, while you are feeling so vunerable. The slightest little thing can upset you. I know this is easy for me to say, but if they make excuses for not visiting then go and do something really nice for yourself, because it wont help you to sit and feel upset about the fact that they might be lying. I have learned from my mistakes that i wish i  hadn't been so emotional about the change in my sons treatment of me and set more boundaries, where i felt like i was being abused. I also was abused as a child and that has had a huge impact on me as an adult and how easy it is for people to abuse me now. As hard as it is, i know i have to make my life as fulfilling as i can without my children, they are grownup now and leading their own lives.  Actually recognising that as the reality can be hard. I did try and leave my son and his family completely alone, they got no pressure from me what so ever, but that didn't work either and they always turned up when they wanted something. I know a lot of parents put up with being used financially and i can understand that, but if my children want me to help them, i at least would expect them to treat me with respect. Another thing, i know it makes the pain even worse, if people think you are over reacting to normal things children do and in some cases that could be true. However i think if you have the need to find a group like this, then it might indicate what is going on is not normal. Even having said that though, the only way to survive and be happy is to have your own life filled to the max. I hear your pain and hope we can all help each other to get stronger every day, because that is what counts. Homely60

Hi Pooh, i think i know the whys pretty well, his partner is mentally ill and my son most probably has some issues of his own. The part that is so hard to swallow is the fact that everything could change so dramatically in such a short time, of this complete stranger coming into the mix. He has turned against everyone, including all his friends. I wonder though do they have a choice, if their partner like my sons ,tells them, if you have anything to do with your mother i will leave and take your child with me. Many people have said, he will put his d first before anyone. Yes of course and i would expect him to. The reason why i want to get to look at it from as many different perspectives, is because, i want to see the best course of action. Should i leave him alone, or will that make it worse. Should i send cards and presents, because if i don't then gf can tell him, see she never cared, like i said. She  has even given up her gc, because she wont speak to me. I am not the sort of person to do anything without weighing up whether i am making a mistake. The only time i have done that, is with my sons gf, refusing to have any contact with her. However after the way i was abused by her, there would have to be something seriously wrong with me, to subject myself to that for a moment longer than i did. Homely60