March 28, 2024, 03:49:05 AM

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"Welcome to WiseWomenUnite.com -- When adult children marry and leave home, life can sometimes get more complex instead of simpler.  Being a mother-in-law or daughter-in-law can be tough.  How do we extend love and support to our mothers-in-law, adult children, daughters-in-law, sons-in-law, and grandchildren without interfering?  What do we do when there are communication problems?  How can we ask for help when we need it without being a burden?  And how do our family members feel about these issues?  We invite you to join our free forum, read some posts... and when you're ready...share your challenges and wisdom."


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Messages - jand

1
Grandchildren / Jealous grandmother
August 05, 2019, 01:19:42 PM
I have a life long best friend who has always regarded me as family. I am an "aunty" to her kids, nieces and nephews and now considered a grandma to her grandchildren. I have the 3 grandchildren with me more than anyone else as I am retired, usually at home and love being with the littles, spending quality time with them, crafting, playing, going to shows, taking them places etc. My time with them is spent with them and not other things when they are with me. As a recent widow; these kids have filled a huge void in my life. My "friend", who is their maternal grandmother, rarely spends time with them, often bails on plans, lies and makes excuses, but expects the kids to adore her. When the kids are with her; she often naps and makes them spend time alone and find their own entertainment. She constantly gives them orders, chores and disciplines them even when not always necessary. The kids love spending time with me and are very vocal about it because we have so much fun. I have rarely had any discipline issues with them. Long story short - my best friend has abruptly quit speaking to me after she once again bailed on an outing that we had both promised to take the kids to (2nd time). I told her that I thought that it was unfair to the kids. As much as she touted that she was so grateful that the kids had me; she now resents it & is maligning me with the family. If I continue to spend time with the kids; the ripple effect within the family will be huge as I will not be invited or present for many events that I have always been there for. Birthdays, Xmas, school events, extra curricular events... What do I do? I don't want her kids or grandkids to be dragged into this mess.