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Haha Luise I don't see you as a dinosaur rather someone wise with wisdom.  I totally agree with you people cannot seem to discuss the boundaries instead they just punish people when they are crossed which is so unfair.  I established boundaries with my family back when I was 20 (I'm 34 now) and once they realized there was consequences if crossed we found a happy medium.  It was a bit harder for me to lay them out for the inlaws but we got thru it and for the most part everyone is happy.

Thanks Luise, I am trying my best to tiptoe will ensuring we are respected as well.  I have read such horror stories on here about DILs not allowing the inlaws to see the grand kids.  It seems to me if both sides can be respectful and not cross boundaries both sides can be happy.  While what people expect most likely will not happen, ie being around the grand kids all the time, and adjust accordingly then everyone can be happy. 

Thanks Pen I hope I can help someone someday like you ladies have.  I do have to admit you are one of my favorites your advise is always so helpful.

I did read what you mentioned.

Thank you for all the advice from all the wonderful ladies on this site. 

I have never posted before, just a long time lurker but I have learned so much from you all!!  I am a DIL with a wonderful DH, 1 DS and 1 DD.  Adjusting to my inlaws has been difficult for me at times and being able to come here and see the wise wisdom of the ladies here as helped me to understand my MIL and her point of view.  My DH's family and mine are so different that it is a struggle for me sometimes to understand she means well.  We actually see my DH's family more than mine, I know it is not as much as they would like but I believe in spending time with just my immediate family (DH, DS, and DD) so we see them every 2 to 3 weeks for a couple hours.  Does that not seem like enough?  They also get alone time (which I never understood but allow) with them during the weekend day time only except for DS.  He is 10 so old enough but DD is 2 and does not like to be away from me.  That is difficult for her to understand when I would say no and she kept asking.  I finally followed some advise I read on her and laid it on the table (respectfully of course) that DD is just to young right now, I do not feel comfortable and neither does she.  Whenever I pick her up she rushes me and will not let go for hours, she will not even go to DH.  To be it seems normal for a 2 year old to be clingy to their parents but not to my MIL.     However talking to her seemed to work, she understood and stopped asking.

Again I really just wanted to post and say thank you.