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Quote from: Pen on July 02, 2011, 05:40:41 PM
I was raised with a strict schedule by a stay-at-home mom & a dad with regular working hours, but was myself a working mom with busy kids/DH. We managed to make time for the GPs when they came to visit. My hope is that in this day and age of instant messages via any number of technical devices that my DS & DIL can coordinate with us even though they may have busy schedules. There are many ways to work it out if one is motivated; IMO it shouldn't always be the GPs (or always the same set of them) who have to give in.

If I rarely saw my DS & his family, and traveled at great expense and effort to visit, I think I'd be a little miffed if I were treated as a distant aquaintance and not a close relative. It would be hard not to be hurt. Much admiration to you, cd1029, for getting beyond that.

And who knows, when I become a GM I may not want to spend so much time with the GKs! They could turn out to be horrid little buggers!

yeah, a distant acquaintance and not a close relative...that's exactly how I feel I am being treated -- and I want to try to correct that.  My belief is that my DIL wants me to do all this "work" when I visit in order to get her "nod of approval" that I am a close relative.  I say BAH HUMBUG!  I raised my son and deserve that respect as I have earned it!  I get a little testy sometimes. 

Quote from: Pooh on July 02, 2011, 11:12:44 AM
Welcome Smiles.  I think expectations is what gets us all in trouble.  I think your solution of staying in a hotel, taking them to dinner and pitching in when you feel like it is a wonderful idea to try.  They may not like it, but I think you are being very reasonable.

You hit it on the head Pooh.  And thanks for the support on the hotel idea, dinner, pitching in - up to my comfort level.  I think I get into a black & white thinking, either I will do it all, or I won't.  Thanks,

Quote from: Pen on July 02, 2011, 05:40:41 PM
I was raised with a strict schedule by a stay-at-home mom & a dad with regular working hours, but was myself a working mom with busy kids/DH. We managed to make time for the GPs when they came to visit. My hope is that in this day and age of instant messages via any number of technical devices that my DS & DIL can coordinate with us even though they may have busy schedules. There are many ways to work it out if one is motivated; IMO it shouldn't always be the GPs (or always the same set of them) who have to give in.

If I rarely saw my DS & his family, and traveled at great expense and effort to visit, I think I'd be a little miffed if I were treated as a distant aquaintance and not a close relative. It would be hard not to be hurt. Much admiration to you, cd1029, for getting beyond that.

And who knows, when I become a GM I may not want to spend so much time with the GKs! They could turn out to be horrid little buggers!

Yes, I agree with you on several counts...and you put into words some of the hurt I am going through in trying to establish a working relationship with son and DIL.  I love the GK so it is worth it to keep trying and your ideas are much appreciated. 

Hi everyone, I am new today and wanted to introduce myself.  I am nearly 60, one of six sons married and that now I have 2 GK.  I am living on the west coast and my son and his family moved to the east coast recently.  I have enjoyed my sons and worked through most all issues.  There is this new role, grandmother, that I struggle with as my own grandparents died by the time I was 9 and didn't see them often because of distance.  Learning to be a grandmother is a role I am creating.  My issue for discussion and support, is that my son and his wife expect when I come visit that I help out.  Of course, I have been helping out.  What I don't like is feeling I have to help out.  What that looks like is hearing that I should get up when the GK get up and help watch them...also along with visiting I am expected to cook meals.  Don't get me wrong, that is exactly what I have been doing when the GK were newborns, toddlers.  They are now 2 and 4.  My question is:  What do you think are realistic expectations for grandparents to do when they visit?  We have definitely got water under the bridge on this one.  I am staying in a motel next time I visit to avoid the pressure to get up when the GK do.  I plan to take them out to eat once or twice, babysit once or twice, maybe cook a meal or two, but leave when it is apparent there is not going to be any meal prepared that includes me and go get a bite to eat.  I don't like to feel the pressure, and seems that DIL is always angry, moody, and everybody jumps to attention when she wants something done.  I probably didn't say that accurately, just a feeling I have.  THANKS!  GLAD YOU ARE HERE TO HELP!  Smiles