I have detached as you suggested and I have not called or contacted my son at all. I know it is the right way, I believe you all. But I feel such strong resentment to my daughter in law. She has used so many oppurtunites to push out my family and I that it hurts so much. We contributed to a wedding that she did not want my daughter in. The money was a gift the condition was not that she be in the wedding but if she was not wanted it should have just been glossed over, not mentioned every time we got togethor. She always mentioned how daughter was not be in the wedding party, no kids no kids, my daughter was a preteen at the time. Hardly a shy six year old or something. My son asked us if she would like to be reader in the mass, she said yes, the daughter in law told us a week later she had already asked her godmother and her aunt to do that. She would not ask them to step down, but had not problem to tell daughter to step down. Son said duaghter would play the cello in church then told us that daughter in law changed her mind. When we took a photo with the bride and groom daughter in law shouted out "just the adults please." My dauaghter was dancing with a cousin her age and daughter in law told my husband "this is why I did not want kids here at all." They were just dancing same as everyone else. She also asked us if we thought maybe our daughter had taken cards from their gift table. My husband got up and left the room. She said she was missing two cards taht she knew had cash in them from her side. Even on her wedding night she was not happy enough to avoid being cruel to our daughter. This is what I resent so much
Is there some history here between her and your daughter you may not be aware of you think? It doesn't make any sense for her to be so angry at your daughter for no reason - maybe not a deserved reason, but to have no reason at all doesn't seem likely. Have you talked to your daughter to find out if there is something you don't know about?
Betty Lou when you are truly detached you won't feel resentful. It's not a matter of a few days, it's a hard technique to learn. Just keep your thoughts here and vent as you are doing, read what you've written and look at what is triggering the feelings, together we'll examine it and work it through with you. You're not alone.
There is no reason that I am aware of. It has been going on for several years now so looking back I do not really see anything. I did used to ask my daughter if she had said or done something and she was never aware of it. I guess perhaps she was just jelous or the closeness that daughter and son shared threatened her maybe? That is a guess on my part. I have also noticed over the years that daughter in law gets along well with the women in her close family, she loves her brother and his wife dearly and thinks the world of them, and she loves her mother, she does not have contact with her father from what I have been told of day one of meeting her. I never questioned the details and she never shared, that is her business. I also know that she spends her free time with some of the guys she works with and her ex husband and does not have many girlfriends. I was the opposite always seeking out girlfriends when I was younger and still have lots of them. Perhaps she is not comfortable around other females that are not in her family? She only has a few that I have met, the rest are just the wives of the male friends of hers. She likes to play beer pong and cornhole in the yard and I have invited her to do that a few times, my husband and I play games at night in our yard but she has never accepted. I do try so hard to win her over and when she shows shared interests with daughter or myself I always ask her to join. She usually declines. I am just so hurt for my small side of the family that never will be close to her or have a good time with grandson. We do not want to take him away with us just spend time playing iwth him, and enjoying her company which she makes impossible.
This is such a big hurt, maybe one the biggest, that it's hard to get to the point of not being resentful. We're here for you, Betty, as PS said. For many of us it may be a long haul.
I do believe there are some MILs/DILs who aren't interested in a relationship with the ILs; it serves no purpose for them, so they aren't motivated to try. Some of us, unfortunately, have ended up in this situation.
I would take indifference over what I have now! That is for sure, what I have now is a daughter in law that says and does hurtful things to my daughter and I, and keeps grandson away. I have really tired to make up with her when I have caused her pain, but she enjoys all the pain she causes us, sitting back and laughing about "nerdy" and spoiled my child is wondering out loud how much she will get picked on in high school, telling me I need to scream at her and stop spoiling her so much, and that my daughter is annoying to her because she is a sopy cat of daughter in law. Ofcourse she is, one she is trying to please daughter in law and be accepted and let in, and two because my daughter in law is flawless looking all the time and gorgeous. Her looks are stunning and for a mommy with a job she does have a very glamorous life of travel and fun. my daughter is much younger ofcourse she wants to copy her. And my son is the one who is totally indifferent to our treatment from his wife. He has no problem to call us up and rail against us for some percieved wrongdoing on our part. But when he just sits around while his sister is made fun of by a grown woman it hurts us all. He will only tell me, "well that is how she feels.....what do you want me to say?"
For sure you don't want your DD emulating DIL's behavior - I'm glad you're taking a break; you might end up happier than you expect. I understand how much you miss your son - I miss mine, too. But your DIL is going out of her way to hurt you and your daughter. When your child is being treated like that, it's time to get her away, no matter what.
Whenever I get stuck in resentment I ask myself..."Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" This may not work for anyone else but when I look closely at deliberate cruelty to me or to someone I love, and can document it, my resentment eats me up...so the person keeps hurting me and hurting me because of my focus. I just can't take it.
Wanting to be involved with your grandson is admirable.....letting yourself and your daughter be treated like doormats is not. As much as you want to be there to enjoy gs and interact with your own grown son.....it is way past time you stepped up and protected your daughter. Regardless of your DIL or your son and their feelings....regardless of your feelings....your daughter is being harmed by inaction on your part. When is the MOMMABEAR going to come out for her? When are you going to stand up and be that protection? If you have to take the step of disengagement from your son's family to protect your remaining child, then take that hard, hard, step. Your daughter is depending on you.
Stop focusing on your son, the DIL and your grandson. Stop chasing after them, doing all the lousy jobs she is demanding of you, and putting up with her slurs on your daughter. Focus on your daughter. Try to give her someone to emulate that doesn't involve tearing another person down. Let your son know you will no longer be accepting his irate calls on behalf of your DIL's insulted feelings, if she isn't woman enough to stand up for herself, too bad! Stand up for your daughter, she is the one that needs your defense and protection.
I'm sorry if my post sounds hard. I've been reading yours and my mommabear has been growling since the first one.
Quote from: Orly on April 20, 2010, 05:33:58 PM
Stop focusing on your son, the DIL and your grandson. Stop chasing after them, doing all the lousy jobs she is demanding of you, and putting up with her slurs on your daughter. Focus on your daughter. Try to give her someone to emulate that doesn't involve tearing another person down. Let your son know you will no longer be accepting his irate calls on behalf of your DIL's insulted feelings, if she isn't woman enough to stand up for herself, too bad! Stand up for your daughter, she is the one that needs your defense and protection.
Orly is right...your daughter needs your attention now...stand by her side, show your daughter how she should be treated
Well, that sort of meshed with what I said since it involves a shift in focus. Simple...but not necessarily easy.
I am trying to shift my thinking it is not easy but I am working on it. I love my daughter dearly and I have always put her first because she is younger and still needs me alot. When my daughter said all those cruel things, it was slowly over the course of time not all at once. I would try to address them only to have my feelings dismissed by my son and daughter in law. My daughter knows she is number 1 and not to listen to her sister in law. But she can not help wanting to be glamorous and grown up like her. It has gotten easier as daughter is getting older and is less into what goes on in the family and more into friends and school work. She is even babysitting now and really likes doing that. I think it has all hurt me much more than her, it usually does that to moms.
Bettylou, I am very sorry you and your daughter are being made to deal with this...it's so distressing...however, I agree with everyone else...your daughter is first and foremost here, and your son's behavior has been unacceptable...not to mention, DIL. I agree with Orley, tell your son if he calls again, that he is welcome to call, but he is to never call and chew you out for DIL again...if she has something to say to you, then tell him, to tell her, she needs to call and you'll discuss it with her...tell him, this is between her and myself...and then tell him, you will not allow her to talk cruely to your daugher any longer...Your DIL knows what she's doing....and it has to stop
this is not going to be an easy road, however, I do believe your doing right for everyone concerned...leave no words unspoken in this case...stand up for yourself and your daughter to your son, and tell him, there will be no more of this...period. make certain you pull the parent card on this one...stern and tough love....
your feelings and your daughters will not be dismissed, this is so wrong, to have to endure this...I'm hoping your son will see what is going on here....
Hugs
Creme
When I am presented with terrible things I cannot control, I decide if worrying on it will make any difference to what others do, or what was done. One day I realized I could be very upset about something or I could filter it out like ignoring as background noise and the outcome would still be the same. The only result that would be different was if I had a terrible day or not. And that difference was up to me.
What Wise Women! I am so touched by the empathy and wisdom here. Sending love...
Quote from: Sassy on April 21, 2010, 07:32:47 AM
When I am presented with terrible things I cannot control, I decide if worrying on it will make any difference to what others do, or what was done. One day I realized I could be very upset about something or I could filter it out like ignoring as background noise and the outcome would still be the same. The only result that would be different was if I had a terrible day or not. And that difference was up to me.
fantastic post and good advice...thank you Sassy...
:o I cannot believe that DIL is so cruel to your daughter. How mean!!! Is she jealouse of the attention daughter get's or something why would an adult be cruel to someone so young.
I honestly hope that DIL grows up and with some time and distance her and your son will improve their behaviour when they are around her.
"Is there some history here between her and your daughter you may not be aware of you think? It doesn't make any sense for her to be so angry at your daughter for no reason - maybe not a deserved reason, but to have no reason at all doesn't seem likely. Have you talked to your daughter to find out if there is something you don't know about?"
B Lou and Alohara:
It's very possible there is no "reason" why Betty Lou's daughter-in-law accused her daughter of stealing.
Since my son married his garden-variety sociopath, I have learned there are people who cause trouble and commit cruel acts
just to do it. Just to see the reaction. Just to set the boundaries straight and let you know who is in charge, and you definitely knew
she was, because you would never do something as horrible as she did. Even if it was the truth, which of course it wasn't, the wedding reception was
not the place to bring this up, so you have to ask yourself what she is getting out of it. Probably, just having fun, then sitting back and watching the reaction. She doesn't think the way you do, about what is right or wrong and about other people and caring for them. She's out for kicks.
Weddings these days are so tension-filled, so focused on materialistic expenditures and big production values, that I hope never to go to another one.
I experienced many slights both small and large at my son's wedding, which was designed to show us who was in charge and little else. She was angry that we wouldn't contribute many thousands more to the extravaganza; $3,000 for a wedding dinner wasn't enough. I have known parents who have given a great deal of money for these tasteless displays of excess just because they were afraid if they didn't, they would be cut off. But the one-way street paved with gold for the gold diggers doesn't stop with the wedding; it just keeps going. You cannot buy love from a cruel person.
So please keep this in mind, Betty Lou, that very often there is nothing that you have done or anyone else has done. We don't cause other people's bad behavior. If your daughter-in-law is one of those people who enjoys hurting just for the sake of it, she will never change. Many posts on this list show that such women show one face before the wedding, but after their true personality comes out. They are manipulators as a second career (or, in the worst cases, the primary vocation).
I wish I had better news.
Kathleen
Kathleen, we had a very similar situation. I don't want to believe it's a widespread phenomenon, but it happens often enough. We really felt taken advantage of and then rejected. DIL & her family planned something way out of our budget and then resented us for not paying more. We followed the generally accepted etiquette for what the groom's family is supposed to do (except I didn't "wear beige and shut up.")
Well, I think wearing beige is doable...but shut up?
Actually, when my beloved-to-this-day exDIL (read the poem I wrote about her in Poems) remarried I wore White!!!
I just figured if she could lie in her teeth and wear white, so could I! ;D ;D ;D
That's hilarious, Luise. I wore off-white to my own wedding :-[
I just couldn't wear some beige, frumpy MOTG dress and know those wedding photos would be around for years to come :) As the Monty Python line goes, "I'm not dead yet!" Hey, beige is great if your coloring can handle it..mine doesn't.
AH HAH!!!!!! I was supposed to wear beige to the wedding as the designated Mother-in-Law from Hell!!! Well, ladies, I never understood this before I got your posts and thank you Luise for enlightening this very ignorant soul. The penny has dropped!
Months before the wedding I received an email from my DIL saying, "Would you go shopping with my mom and me this weekend for The Dress (my caps)?" Oh, I was thrilled. A chance to help my daughter-in-law pick out her wedding dress, the one she would wear marrying my son? What could be more thrilling? I thought, "At last, a chance to bond! What fun!"
I have blocked out the rest, how I came to understand it was not HER dress we would be shopping for but MINE!!!!! (I would not want to know what would have happened to me if I had suggested such a thing to my mother-in-law before I married my husband; probably I would today be underground without a headstone. How we sometimes long for the good old days.) SHE would pick MY DRESS?????? No way. I declined. I then met a lovely lady who was very admiring of my courage as she had given in to such a demand and bought, of course at great expense, a perfectly horrible deep pink ugly dress she could never wear again.
My DIL managed to demand that my other two sons go out and rent tuxes ($500 each) even tho they owned their own (one son is a classical musician.) But she didn't get away with the dress thing with me.
I went to April Cornell, a fantastic store still in existence then, and bought a gorgeous navy blue ankle-length gown of silky Indian fabric (my favorite and some say the best in the world.) My son told me, "You look fantastic." But I realize now this was part of the early power-struggle my DIL created with me. But I simply did not know that beige was the "right" color. Thanks for letting me know!
Kathleen
Good on ya, Kathleen. If we're spending a fortune we should be able to wear this stuff again.
I ended up wearing knee-length rather than ankle-length, and a current, elegant & fashionable style rather than the frumpy dress I'd originally bought; I did get the go-ahead from DIL, so I never gave it a second thought, but her mom may have been miffed and that might have been the start of our troubles. All I know is that it was worth the $$$ to feel confident and unstressed; I was glad I didn't embarrass DS by looking frumpy. Sounds like your son approved of your choice as well, Kathleen.
When I got married it was heaps different! No bridezilla drama from me, just gratitude that my friends and family were willing to help and be present. We've been married a looooonnnnng time, so I guess it worked just fine :)
Anna - There are so many reasons to get married that are a lot less substantial than being willing and able to start a family. I wasn't pregnant but I married a man I had known since I was three because that felt "safe." The marriage failed even though we tried for eighteen years to pump life into it.
In the 1940s virginity was overrated. It is now extinct for good reason. ;D
It's funny everyone is talking about wearing beige. That's the one color I didn't want my MIL to wear. Where I'm from, it's a huge insult for the mother of the groom to copy the mother of the bride's dress. According to protocol, the MOB goes and gets a dress and then calls the MOG and tells her what it looks like so the ladies don't wear the same outfit. My MIL went and got almost the exact same gown. Same maker and fabric in a slightly different cut. I'd like to think she didn't know better but her mom (my GMIL, a lovely lady) actually apologized to me for MIL's dress. I just don't understand why she went out of her way to hurt my mom and I's feelings.
When some one does something like that, it is my guess that everyone gets what she is made of...loud and clear.
I had a close call when my grandson was married, recently. I picked out an outfit that was perfect and then just couldn't make myself buy it. Seemed weird to me, but I followed my intuition and passed on it and wore something I already had because I couldn't find anything else I liked.
At the wedding, in walked my "ex" and his wife was wearing that exact outfit! :o
Sassy, thank you for the quote below. I am putting it in my keeper box. I have been reading some of your posts about what your MIL did. I cannot believe she showed up at your wedding in a black dress uninvited and with an exgf of your hubbys! Ugh! I am still trying to catch up on your story to see where you are currently with the relationship with your MIL. You sound like a very loving, intelligent young lady. Thank you for your contribution here in this forum.
Quote from: Sassy on April 21, 2010, 07:32:47 AM
When I am presented with terrible things I cannot control, I decide if worrying on it will make any difference to what others do, or what was done. One day I realized I could be very upset about something or I could filter it out like ignoring as background noise and the outcome would still be the same. The only result that would be different was if I had a terrible day or not. And that difference was up to me.
Me, too, Sassy. I look to see if focusing on the issue is going to make a difference or just tear me up . Sending love...
Clover, that's the tradition I was raised in as well. I tried to follow that for my son's wedding. For 3 months before the wedding I kept asking my FDIL if her mother had got her dress yet. She kept saying, "No, she hasn't had time." I explained to her that I wanted her Mother to choose her color, style, etc. that she wanted first before I chose something. I didn't want to match her exactly but wanted to follow suit with what she chose. Two weeks before the wedding, I finally told FDIL that I was going to go shopping for my dress, that I couldn't wait any longer and did she have any particular color or style that she wanted me to look for. She said, "No, it doesn't matter to me." So I found a beautiful navy blue, dressy, but no too dressy, classy dress. I lucked up and got it on sale and it was one of the few times in my life that I put a dress on and went, "Wow, this is really flattering on me". It was halfway down my calf in length, and had a long sleeve jacket. (They were having an outside October wedding and she had fall colors, so I didn't want to try to match her decorations).
Her Mother showed up (I kid you not) in a black skirt with a zebra striped blouse with glittery rhinestones all over it. My Ex-husband's new young wife showed up in a pantsuit which was actually very nice. I had received compliments all day (like Anna) from people telling me I looked great and didn't look old enough to have a son marrying. My DIL later told my son that I did that just to show her Mother and my Ex-husband's new young wife up.
It was at that point that I realized that no matter what I did or how I had chosen a dress, it was going to be wrong.
Yup...when you are judged even before you decide...there's no pleasing anyone. i think we should all have worn clown outfits! 8)
Oh how funny. That would have been priceless Luise!
I just wish her Mother had told me she was going for the safari look....I had a really nice leopard scarf and alligator boots.....
Pooh---I also say to you, "That's so funny." Because I wore navy to my son's wedding, too! (Probably should have worn black and a mourning veil.)
All this stuff about what MIL's wear to a wedding strikes me as pretty trivial. Why not let people wear what they want? The bride is the center of attention and everybody knows it.
My DIL wanted to pick out my dress. NO. I got mine at a store called April Cornell, known for beautiful fabrics and very high quality clothing. It was beautiful. Like you I got it on sale. I have not worn it since; no other occasion to; and am glad I did not lay out a fortune for it. I could wear it again if I had an occasion. My two other sons owned tuxedos but that wasn't good enough for DIL. She insisted everyone rent to look exactly penguin-same.
My youngest son was here over the weekend. We were watching "About Schmidt," which has as a subplot all the horrible anxiety and bad experiences around an overblown wedding. I had a talk with him and said, "I hope when you get married you will have an enjoyable day, not an up-tight three ring circus with tension you can cut with a knife, tasteless over-expense, and all kinds of politics." I think he will. He's very sweet.
Maybe some of you wonder where I get all my anti-wedding fervor. Actually I'm not against them at all. I'm just against the high-anxiety type. And not only from having been through it with my DIL. But from a summer on a newspaper where for two weeks I wrote nothing but re-writes
of weddings. I got to hate it. All the weddings were so much alike that the job was to try to make each one different, but they weren't. They were pretty much all the same. My sister-in-law got married under a tree with flowers in her hair. It was beautiful, enjoyable, and FUN.
Kathleen
I went to a wedding in a Nudist Park once and that's what the bride wore...flowers in her hair! :o
:o
what, Luise?
your wedding was in a nudist park? ;D
Ha ha ha Luise! Kathleen, I totally agree. You would appreciate my wedding last November. Both my hubby and I had been married before and both for long first marriages (Mine was 21, his was 18). We were just going to do a very small, intimate gathering of immediate family but had many friends that were very tickled that we had found each other, and wanted to participate. My words were, Ok....we will do a wedding, but it will be OUR way.
We got married on a huge playground, right in the middle of a wooden fort. My cake was lopsided (on purpose) with the bride on top wearing the grooms pants, and the groom figure in boxers. I decorated the tables in 4 foot tall balloon centerpieces and we put toys on all the tables. I had just cake and punch, then we made a candy buffet with little bags for everyone to fill up as favors. We used nostalgic candy and old fashioned candy scoops and the table was surrounded with plastic police officers (like little army men but officers because my hubby is an Officer and we had 30 of them in attendance).
We had one of the Police Officers who likes to sing, do a couple of songs and my sister-in-law, who just happens to be in a big symphony, played her violin before the service. We wrote our own vows and they consisted of things like "I promise to remember the Tour De France comes on in July and that Robin Williams is the greatest comedian of all time, etc." We laughed through the entire ceremony as did our guests. We had bubbles and a golf cart to take us across the road to the Veteran's Park where my hubby's late father has a memorial brick. We placed flowers on his brick then rode the golf cart back to enjoy the reception. It was the best time ever and the guests told us that they have never enjoyed a wedding so much. It was relaxed and fun and I could have cared less what anyone wore.
The best part was what the minister did without us knowing he was going to do it. When I was just dating my hubby, he told me that he loved me first. It scared me to death and he knew it. I didn't say anything back and he just smiled and said, "I am not looking for you to say it back right now, but I would like to know if you more than like me?" I couldn't say anything I was so terrified of falling in love again. So I said, "I will tell you something tomorrow." Poor fellow. So all night I had to think of something to tell him. I knew I really, really, liked him...but I wasn't ready to admit love. So the next day, on the phone, he asked if I had thought of anything. I blurted out, "I Velcro you!" He was like, "Uh, Ok....and that means?" I said, "I feel like we are matched halves and if you went away today, I would feel ripped apart."
He had relayed this story to the minister (who was also an Officer) and at the end of our ceremony, before pronouncing us, the minister pulled out of his pocket 2 halves of velcro. On one of them he had written my name, and on the other one, my husbands. He relayed the story to the audience and then handed them to us saying, "It is now time to place your velcro together and let no man pull it apart."
It was priceless and I cried like a baby as everyone was laughing at the story. I will never forget it and to this day, we never say "goodbye" to each other. We say, "Velcro".
No Creme, I attended someone else's wedding there. ;D ;D
And Pooh, that is so incredible!
I have been married for 18 years twice and once (Val) for 21! I don't give up easily. :'(
One of my marriages was a remarriage to my latest "ex" because it put him in a better position tax-wise. We took two friends along and got married on our lunch hour. We all wore black. It took place in the court house with a judge officiating. We asked if we had to have a ceremony at all and he said, 'No, just sign here" so we did. Then all four of us went out to lunch and went back to work. ;D :o 8) ;D
LOL, WOW ;D
really enjoyed reading your stories
thanks so much for sharing.... ;D
It's really fun to laugh together, isn't it?! :-*
I have always had a good sense of humor and truthfully, that was one of the things I did wrong the first time. I married a guy that didn't have much of one. We never laughed together.
This time, my hubby has a matched sense of humor to mine and we spend most of our time together laughing. Usually it is something silly or stupid, but man do we laugh. He is currently in the process of writing me a love song....It starts with "Lettuce and tomato make salad.....". And that, is as far as he has gotten....He sings it every night and I just can't stop laughing. The man isn't right...thank goodness! :P
Luise, what a life you have led! You should write a book....I would buy it!
My dad used to say that...please write an autobiography! (But don't use your real name!) ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I never understood why wedding protocol has to be so intricate. It doesn't keep people from using it or intentionally ignoring it with the intention to cause harm, it gives the bride a lot of extra stuff to worry about, and busybodies stuff to criticize. After dealing with SD, who became a bridezilla, and her Mom who became a MOBzilla, my DD said she was going to elope and then announce it at a huge barbecue. She has my total support on that choice.
I advised my SD to go to one of the wedding chapels in Tennessee, and only invite a few close friends and family then throw a big party later on and to use the money they would spend on a big wedding on an incredible honeymoon. Nope, she had to do the whole shebang and she had to do it two weeks after graduating from college. The ceremony was everything she wanted, but the reception totally sucked rocks. Her Mom made it all about her, tried to write my kids out of the wedding, and her sister cried during the reception because SD was ignoring her. People who said they would attend didn't show up to this catered event, her SIL was late, and danced and dressed like a slut, and her DJ was drunk at this morning wedding. There were some wonderful moments, but she recently told me that she wished she would have taken my advice. She could have had the same ceremony in Tennessee, and the other things that were good could still have happened at a big casual party in our back yard.
Louis, I am wondering what you wore to the nude wedding, if anything? Was it beige?
Quote from: luise.volta on June 29, 2010, 11:08:32 AM
No Creme, I attended someone else's wedding there. ;D ;D
And Pooh, that is so incredible!
I have been married for 18 years twice and once (Val) for 21! I don't give up easily. :'(
One of my marriages was a remarriage to my latest "ex" because it put him in a better position tax-wise. We took two friends along and got married on our lunch hour. We all wore black. It took place in the court house with a judge officiating. We asked if we had to have a ceremony at all and he said, 'No, just sign here" so we did. Then all four of us went out to lunch and went back to work. ;D :o 8) ;D
OH!! I just love this Luise.
Sounds so grown up. ;)
My Father always used to say."The first time you marry,you marry for love"
"The second time you marry for money"
A Wiser women would make sure her husband has plenty of life insurance.
My hubby has his good points and on the other side,better the devil I know than the one I dont know
Quote from: Pooh on June 29, 2010, 10:38:26 AM
Ha ha ha Luise! Kathleen, I totally agree. You would appreciate my wedding last November. Both my hubby and I had been married before and both for long first marriages (Mine was 21, his was 18). We were just going to do a very small, intimate gathering of immediate family but had many friends that were very tickled that we had found each other, and wanted to participate. My words were, Ok....we will do a wedding, but it will be OUR way.
We got married on a huge playground, right in the middle of a wooden fort. My cake was lopsided (on purpose) with the bride on top wearing the grooms pants, and the groom figure in boxers. I decorated the tables in 4 foot tall balloon centerpieces and we put toys on all the tables. I had just cake and punch, then we made a candy buffet with little bags for everyone to fill up as favors. We used nostalgic candy and old fashioned candy scoops and the table was surrounded with plastic police officers (like little army men but officers because my hubby is an Officer and we had 30 of them in attendance).
We had one of the Police Officers who likes to sing, do a couple of songs and my sister-in-law, who just happens to be in a big symphony, played her violin before the service. We wrote our own vows and they consisted of things like "I promise to remember the Tour De France comes on in July and that Robin Williams is the greatest comedian of all time, etc." We laughed through the entire ceremony as did our guests. We had bubbles and a golf cart to take us across the road to the Veteran's Park where my hubby's late father has a memorial brick. We placed flowers on his brick then rode the golf cart back to enjoy the reception. It was the best time ever and the guests told us that they have never enjoyed a wedding so much. It was relaxed and fun and I could have cared less what anyone wore.
The best part was what the minister did without us knowing he was going to do it. When I was just dating my hubby, he told me that he loved me first. It scared me to death and he knew it. I didn't say anything back and he just smiled and said, "I am not looking for you to say it back right now, but I would like to know if you more than like me?" I couldn't say anything I was so terrified of falling in love again. So I said, "I will tell you something tomorrow." Poor fellow. So all night I had to think of something to tell him. I knew I really, really, liked him...but I wasn't ready to admit love. So the next day, on the phone, he asked if I had thought of anything. I blurted out, "I Velcro you!" He was like, "Uh, Ok....and that means?" I said, "I feel like we are matched halves and if you went away today, I would feel ripped apart."
He had relayed this story to the minister (who was also an Officer) and at the end of our ceremony, before pronouncing us, the minister pulled out of his pocket 2 halves of velcro. On one of them he had written my name, and on the other one, my husbands. He relayed the story to the audience and then handed them to us saying, "It is now time to place your velcro together and let no man pull it apart."
It was priceless and I cried like a baby as everyone was laughing at the story. I will never forget it and to this day, we never say "goodbye" to each other. We say, "Velcro".
What a lovely story.
I have never married for money. The price is too high! ;D
Quote from: cremebrulee on June 29, 2010, 10:23:32 AM
:o
what, Luise?
your wedding was in a nudist park? ;D
Oh, Luise, there are hidden depths to you that we know very little about -- and can't wait to find out! ;D
No, No! I *went* to a wedding in a nudist park. It was a clothing optional club like most of them are here because it gets cold in Washington! ;D ;D The bride wore...a flower headband. (That's was easy to write up!) 8)
Quote from: luise.volta on April 20, 2010, 03:52:38 PM
Whenever I get stuck in resentment I ask myself..."Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?"
There's another one: "Do I want to be right or do I want to be
kind?" I think 'being kind' also means being kind to our own selves.
But the one I love is: "Being angry at someone else is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die." That one
always brings me to my senses.
Pooh,
I love your wedding story. It brought tears to my eyes.
I also love reading everyone's little quotes that make so much sense, "Do I want to be right or do I want to be kind?", "Being angry at someone else is like taking poison and hoping the other person will die", and, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" I'm going to have to remember them the next time I get my blood pressure up about something.
Luise - no one can accuse you of leading a boring life! Sounds like you've experienced much more than most people. I think I would be terrified to go to a wedding in a nudist park. Even if I went fully dressed, it would take a lot of courage for me. Your dad had a good idea when he said you should write an autobiography. I'm interested to know how you became so self-motivated, creative, clever, and funny. Are you a lot like one of your parents? How did this happen? I want to be like you when I grow up.
Hugs, Hope
Hope - I am just an adventurous spirit, I guess. My parents were both teachers and very proper. LOL! But my dad was warm and funny and loving. My hero! My two older sisters conformed beautifully! I must have been a throwback. :o I have never been interested in the status quo or the norm or data passed on from who knows where. I have followed experiences...mine and those of others...and impressions and concepts and experiments and new doors to new thoughts and premises. I've never liked school, texts, or teachers. Life is my school. I wasn't rebellious but I sure heard my own drummer and wondered why others didn't hear it. ;D I got into a lot of scapes, of course, but I seem to have a bevy of guardian angels that keep up the good work 24/7. 8)
I was in my 70s when I decided to get a computer and teach myself what it was all about. Boy, is that the wrong way to do it! I have huge gaps in my knowledge that I trip over often and then I have to back track. Fu Manchu!
Someday I will write about my first experience of driving through the gates of that nudist park and how it came about. ;D It's lucky I have a strong heart!!! ;D ;D ;D
Oh, I want to hear ALL about your time in the nudist park/camp. LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLL I wish I had a picture of your face as you drove through. ;D
Thank you for this laughter today.
Oh Bella:
Your have a joyous heart....I could hear your laughter. I am laughing too. I would also like to know about the nudist park that Luise drove through.......awesome!
It's wonderful to visit the light side, isn't it? I will write about my "clothing optional" ;D experience soon. :o
"clothing optional experience" -- LLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Luise,
I can't wait to hear all about your clothing optional experience!
I loved reading about the wonderful person you are. It hit me as so funny that your parents were teachers ..... and you never liked school. I also am amazed that you taught yourself how to use a computer while in your 70's. I guess you have some teacher in you, too! I just love your adventurous spirit.
Hugs, Hope
So, seriously.....what were the flowers? LLLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Oh, dear, how did we get so far from "Detached and Resentful?" Have we pirated this thread? Iwill start a new one. What should the title be? My "Clothing Optional Experience?" :o
Pooh, gardenias, I think. It was 22 years ago, though, so don't make me use my Girl Scout's Honor!
Pooh, you are SO FUNNY! LLLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
Luise, maybe you better start a 'humor' thread (along with the 'Clothing Optional" thread LOLOL). God knows, we could all use more jokes, humor and laughter.
When I see Kirk, Wed., I will ask if we can have a new category. Great idea! We all have funny stories if we are wiling to tell them on ourselves. ;D :o 8)
Thanks! I think it could be a lot of fun, and a nice break from our sore hearts.
Fran