Does anyone else have a love/hate relationship with FB? I don't have a long story to share for background on this, other than saying FB shows DIL posts photos of her family, positive remarks about their visits. photos of GC with her family, and I don't see any with me? I think I am not getting my fair share. I visit too, after all, and the GC have fun with me -- but not one photo-How can that be? Like my life didn't matter? I know I am reading into it, and I will gracefully say that I hate when I whine. I have decided that I will not get involved with DIL FB other than thumbs up - no comments, except to say how sweet the GC look. I don't get thank yous for presents to DIL except on FB and that sux too I think -- so I am done. Next year DIL bdays are going to be a cards-only. Or some high-calorie sweet - sorry, couldn't help myself there. Just wanted to get that off my chest and hope someone understands how I feel.
lol - DIL posted some awful photos of me on FB and I asked her to take them down but as far as I know, she didn't. I don't like to have my photos there, even good ones.
How about DS? Get him to post your photos there!
Yes, are those photos of me what I would want on FB? I think it best to be careful what I wish for, yeah?
hi :)......
You can hide all DIL posts from your FB , she won't know you have done this , that's what I have done .
I too was invisible from any of my DIL FB posts , what you can't see won't hurt you .
so when she says to me did you see xxxx on my FB , I say no I am never on it ...!
FB started WW3 amongst my family , I do not post anything questionable or make comments .
I just read what my friends and family are up to , and post birthdays that sort of thing .
It can be wonderful , or it can be dangerous .
Yes, I think I am going to follow what you do. No I am never on FB and make invisible the posts. thanks,
Just post all the naked baby pics you have of your DS on there....yep, yep....that's what I would do... ;D
I understand Smiles. It used to irk me to no end when DIL didn't post a single photo of my side of the family after events, but her FOO was featured. Or she would untag any photos I tagged to her that included her and DS. It would make me so mad! Then she deleted me and I was even more mad! Lol. But I have to say, after I got over it, it was nice not seeing the constant reminders and after I decided to delete her Mother months later....even better! So follow LL's advice and hide the posts.
I do love my FB. It has allowed me to stay in touch with long distance friends and family and see my beautiful great-nieces as they are growing up. It's not FB that is bad, it's how people choose to use it.
I like FB and enjoy keeping up with everyone's interest. But I have friended very few family members!! ;)
I don't know, I have a weird DIL view on this. For me, my MIL is not my Mom, I don't have an emotional attachment to her (in fact, she's a thorn on my side). Why would I want to put her pics on *MY* FB? Why do I even want to take pictures of her in the first place? If my DH wants pictures of his M, he can take them. If he wants to post them, he can.
Another thing, I'm very picky about what pics I post on FB. I would never post someone's picture without their permission. I also wouldn't post pictures of DD if they were at all questionable (underpants, bathing suit ect). There are some creepy people out there!
My MIL is getting more and more internet savvy, I just know she's going to get on FB eventually. I'm trying to figure out HOW I'm going to tell her that I won't be her friend.
Maybe just not mention FB around her and if she asks, tell her you don't spend much time there and don't get around to acking her friend request. I'm agreeing more with you that MILs/DILs shouldn't get invested in each others' FB accounts.
Hello to All, it has been awhile. I often hear, especially on thsi site, of issues arising from the use of Facebook. My opinion and stance - Do not use Facebook. I personally do not think that FB is a positive tool. FB originated as being a place for college students to connect with each other - you could only browse and connect with people who you attended college with or you had to know their first and last name, then it became accessible to everyone and that is where all of the problems began. FB is supposed to be a place to connect with friends. I believe most would consider there to be a clear separation between the life they share with their friends and the life they share with their families, and this is where the issues arise. Most young adults would never think of denying a request from their parents or even that from the parents of their significant other, but upon accepting that request they are ''letting them into their world' and it may not always be what parents want to see.
I miss a lot by not being on FB, but it's just not worth the potential problems. My DS does not want me on, and oddly enough my DIL said if I joined she would friend me even if DS would not. All the AC I know wish their DMs had never joined or friended them, lol. I can live w/o it.
Pen, truth is we can *all* live without it! : )))
Smiles, remember what Luise says. It's not about you, it's about them. In this case, when choosing pictures to put on FB, your DIL was choosing pictures in which she looked good, her family looked good, etc. I doubt she is intentionally slighting you. At least she acknowledges your gifts on FB! (My DIL doesn't acknowledge them at all.)
P.S. Send her the whole cake!
Hi I realize I am mad about something I cannot change and that makes me feel stupid. Thank you for your support to realize I do have to change here. Could be worse, and I have some inside work to do on myself. I want to be a happy person and deal with stress in a healthy way. A lot of this stress is my doing by how I look at it. I have hidden posts from DIL so I will not be tempted to get involved. I have my own life to enjoy, and realize I am beautiful just the way I am. I don't need my children's approval (or their wives). I am a good parent, and GP and will ignore any remarks to the contrary. Thinking that way is a good start anyways and now I will make my behavior fall in line with those thoughts. Thanks for your loving and understanding.
My stepmom is on facebook and there doesn't seem to be any problems yet. She friends all the girlfriends/boyfriends of my sibs too lol. I don't know what she does when they break up lol. I do know that I think she is about to step in poo....one of the girlfriends is a real live wire and I guess has been complaining to my stepmom about brother.
So I don't know if it is FB that is bad necessarily or maybe everyone is just getting used to a new way of communicating. As an outsider to my stepmoms situation I think the logical choice is to stay away from her kids pages so she doesn't get dragged in to all that.
I still love my FB. The positives outweigh the negatives for me.
Pooh, I'm glad you are having a good experience with FB. I understand the positive stuff about it and wish I could participate! I'd love to be able to keep up with the family and find old friends. One of these days perhaps I'll feel strong and confident enough to not give a rip if I'm not accepted as a friend by someone, especially family members, and I'll eat my words & join. I have a long history of not fitting in, never being good enough, and being rejected and left behind w/o explanation. I don't want to purposely set myself up for more of the same treatment.
Beautiful Smiles, it's true - you are a good parent and GP. It's unfortunate our DSs and DILs are using different measuring methods, apparently. For whatever reason, the qualities that make us unique and fabulous aren't valued by them right now, so we have to value ourselves.
IMO, when our AC don't value us it's a harder blow since we kind of assumed that the unconditional love we experienced (giving & receiving) when they were infants/children would continue and flourish forever. I'd not ever felt it before and I liked it! I don't like feeling like I'm back in junior high with my own children :( FB feels like junior high to me, lol, so for now I pass.
You're so right, we have to ignore the slights, enjoy our own lives and embrace our lovely, unique selves. We're worth it!
Hmmm....I haven't really thought about it, but maybe I have had mostly positives because I have never sent a friend request. I have asked to join a group before, but never sent a friend request. All the friends and family I have, have sent them to me. I have hid several of them because I didn't like what they were posting and I have deleted people that went way to far, without commenting. I have a niece and nephew, both military families that have babies. The niece is in Missouri and leaving in December for Hawaii for 3 years. The nephew is in South Carolina and will probably be deployed in a few months. They posts pics for us to be able to see the babies as they are growing. My YS has his FB and we have a good time on there ragging each other. He posts pics for me to see what he is doing (those he can). My SF asked me a few months ago to set him one up because he and my Mom wanted to be able to see the GC and GGC. I did and when he friended me, I told him to do so at his own risk as my DH likes to post funny things on my page. My personal rule is I don't post anything that I would care if anyone saw and I stay away from controversy. I also don't post anything about family, work or friend related unless it's positive. I also never assume anyone's status is about me unless they put my name in it...Lol.
I also have found two groups on there that are about my disease. Since there is so little about it out there, this has been very valuable to me because these people can relate and are very supportive and informative. I am addicted to "Words With Friends", "The Sims" and "Gardens of Time" and probably need an intervention because I yell at my Sim's character for not moving fast enough...Lol. I have found out that there are people that I spoke to in real life that put on a public show because after being on FB with them, I consider that one fair warning to me to not trust them in person.
The only negatives I have experienced have been with my OS and DIL, and why should that shock me since I've had issues in real life with them? So for just me, my positives outweigh my negatives. The day that changes, I'll delete my account. I've received some ugly texts before but I didn't blame the phone.
Pen, you spoke for me also. I don't think really anything is bad in itself, it is just how an individual personality responds to it. I use FB for my business, but I don't like it personally. It gives me anxiety. I worry about anything I write. I am very hurt when I am unfriended, so I stay away from it, it just isn't my medium. But I'm also an old fossil who doesn't do cell phones, texting, etc. I also have to watch myself that I don't get too drawn into this website, I'm bad to get too drawn into things. This site has been so important to me, and critical to my survival, that I've been willing to risk the downside to be a part of this family.
I worry very much that after my decease, and it could be an unexpected thing, who knows? but I worry that somehow a family member may find my posts. I would never never want that to happen, and hurts that could not be healed be the result. I've said things here that I could never say anywhere else, but sometimes I get the shakes that it will come out after I've croaked and then I'll really be toast.
Can you all tell me how to send a personal message? I don't understand this feature.
I guess it's like anything ladies. I have tons of friends who use twitter and love it, I can't stand it. They like keeping up with their favorites shows, stars, news, etc. I tried it and didn't like it so I deleted it. Now people ask me all the time, "Do you tweet? What's your name?" and when I say "No", they look at me like I have two heads.
The only way to send a personal message any longer is if the member chooses to post an email to their profile. If they have, you can click on their name and go to their profile, and find the email. Or if you are in a post, under their name should be a little icon showing they have email. You can click on the little envelope and it will take you to the email function.
Quote from: Pen on October 12, 2011, 08:42:50 AM
I have a long history of not fitting in, never being good enough, and being rejected and left behind w/o explanation. I don't want to purposely set myself up for more of the same treatment.
Yes, I have my hx of hurts from my FOO and decided when I became a mother it was my time to love with my whole heart...and not give a rip. Kids love wholeheartedly. I loved picking my first son up from daycare at 2 1/2 and he would run, full board, yelling across the room while he ran, *Mom* that made it all worth it. The other time it made me feel that it was all worth it, was when I found out I would be a GP. I could die and go to heaven now. Been through some moments that I thought were hell...not going through that ever again. My eyes are wide open. I think returning to have a heart like a child takes practice. WWU is my haven to practice. Love you all...(ps I don't have internet on my cell, so no tweet, no texts, and like being in the flesh, ME).