My AC are very responsible, educated and well liked. We were a tight farm family but that started to disintegrate when the spouses entered the picture. Especially my oldest AD's husband. He is a smooth talking, back biting, unforgiving person. I have always kept my opinion to myself when it comes to him, because I did not want to make my AD's life any harder. They have two little boys and she once told me she will not leave because she couldn't stand another woman being part of their lives. BUT, these little ones are already following by example. She is the major caregiver so that is a plus.
My other AD's husband is pretty mellow, but has shouldered a lot of the fallout from me leaving and the horrific relationship my ex and other SIL have. He talks to me, tells me what is going on regarding the farm, and ex. I recently told him it's best I don't know about these incidents as there is nothing I can do about them, only harbor more guilt and a sour stomach.
My AS and his girlfriend have pretty much taken over the dairy farm, and are working their tails off. The girlfriend is bitter because she feels I dumped my ex on them. We have gotten closer these last few months, but I have to remember my boundaries with her, my AS and the farm.
My ex is truly depressed. Maybe it is a way of garnering sympathy, but it's gone on way to long. He needs an outside intervention, as his sisters and family have tried everything to break him out of it. I do fear he may be suicidal, then lets talk about guilt...
I should count my lucky stars for the involvement I do have with my AC and GS's. I work on being mindful and happy, but sometimes I feel really let down when they don't want to know a thing regarding my life. The girlfriend told me I am living two lives...OUCH! But when I thought about it, I guess I am. They have completely negated my partner, and when I have mentioned his name, their expression goes sour.
Well, again, thank you so much for all you insights. As I write this I have the nightly news on and I have it pretty good when you see what is happening in the world.